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Helmet Orthosis for Grownups

Optimally shape your brain cage!
  [vote for,

One sees tiny babies with orthotic helmets from time to time. Clearly the goal is to change the shape of the baby head, but to what end? A spurt of caffeine-fueled research shows that much new enthusiasm is driven by the diagnosis of "positional plagiocephaly" - babies who sleep on their backs get flat heads. And there seems little question that you can unflatten them. Evidence that reshaping of heads confers benefits as regards brain function is harder to find.

But here at BUNGCO we assert it is so! Not only that, but we assert that there is no reason to limit the benefits of skull reshaping to tiny babies. Why not help people who are frustrated at the shortcomings of their own brain, and wish to improve brain function in adulthood? There is a clear parallel with orthodontia: once the province of juveniles, it is not uncommon now for mature adults to sign on for braces - they no longer wish to tolerate the limitations imposed by nature on their inborn hardware .

Likewise the skull! We assert that the fixed shape of the skull is not optimal for brain function in all people and all periods of life. BUNGCO has come into possession of a large phrenologic library correlating skull shape with various intellectual and personality characteristics, supplemeting this with a database of MRI images of various things. We have licensed the patented and FDA approved helmet technology to bend skulls to your will. The BUNGCO orthositists will gently and mostly noninvasively assess and measure your own grown skull, devise a movement plan and fit you out with your helmet. Wear it 24/7 to show the world your interest in skull remodelling (10% discount if you agree to sport the BUNGCO logo!) or just at night, according to your wish.

bungston, Mar 21 2012

Skull shaping! http://www.ncbi.nlm...gov/pubmed/22378664
[bungston, Mar 21 2012]

Craniosacral therapy http://en.wikipedia...raniosacral_therapy
Really this scheme is just an updating of the time tested principles underlying craniosacral therapy. [bungston, Mar 22 2012]

Like the classic, yet real, conehead http://i1104.photob...eauthor/ViewT83.jpg
[ldischler, Mar 22 2012]

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       Do you have a cubic model? Like how we used to grow tomatoes inside plastic boxes when we were young?
pocmloc, Mar 21 2012

       certified orthotist, never heard of that profession before..it's obviously some kind of Anasazi cult ting
not_morrison_rm, Mar 21 2012

       Pratchett mentioned pro-active phrenology in one of the discworld books. Of course I believe the tools in that case were large mallets of various descriptions.
MechE, Mar 21 2012

       Yes, but at least it creates employment and keeps the money in circulation.   

       The Pre-Columbian civilisations in Central America used to bind boards to the faces of children to give them a particular shape to their face and nose.   

       We consider that bonsaikitten has a certain amount of prior art in this area, although the idea of forcing small children's heads into rigid containers is worthy of a bun. [+].
8th of 7, Mar 21 2012

       It's hip to be square.
RayfordSteele, Mar 21 2012

       I am striving for perfect roundness, myself.
bungston, Mar 21 2012

       // Pratchett mentioned pro-active phrenology in one of the discworld books. //   

       'City Watch', I believe.
Alterother, Mar 21 2012

       I can see how one could create indentations in this way, but how would one create, ah, exdendations? Some sort of suction pad would seem to be required.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 21 2012

       // Some sort of suction pad would seem to be required. //   

       Or a trained octopus.   

       // 'City Watch', I believe //   

       "Men At Arms"
8th of 7, Mar 21 2012

       So it is. I got my villains mixed up. I read through the entire Discworld catalog (as well as many, many other books) during my convalescence last year, so they're all kind of blended into a giant continuous tapestry in my head.
Alterother, Mar 21 2012

       //no reason to limit the benefits of skull reshaping to tiny babies// Almost no reason. There is the little detail that adults' skull sutures are fused. But, on the other hand, there is a surgical procedure called hemicraniectomy in which half the skull* is removed to give the brain more room.   

       *half the calvarium, technically.
mouseposture, Mar 21 2012

       This might still work for adults, but it would take a very long time, cause continuous pain, and wearing it only at night would not be an option. Oh, and it might cause minor brain damage.
Alterother, Mar 21 2012

       Might an alternative be to gently crack the skull, crazy-paving style, without piercing the skin and, somehow - I haven't quite worked this part out yet - place in the space between brain and skull interior some suitable fluid - I haven't quite worked out this part yet - which operates with regard to the skull pieces in the same manner as magma does in relation to tectonic plates. This would allow for a more natural reshaping of the skull, with, perhaps, mountain ranges and valleys forming over time, thus confounding phrenologists and, if you are that way inclined, allowing for full-time Worf impersonation.
calum, Mar 22 2012

       How about ultrasonically fragmenting the skull - into a smooth paste - using something similar to a lithotriptor ? Then it could be moulded into shape and allowed to set.
8th of 7, Mar 22 2012

       Yes, though that technology might be used to unfuse the skull, allowing for bungston's original idea to work a little better.
calum, Mar 22 2012

       wonder how far you could stretch the corpus callosum... go for the "hammerhead shark" model.
FlyingToaster, Mar 22 2012

       Mmmm... interesting question. At what point would transmission delays interfere with unity* of consciousness?   

       *Feel free to substitute "illusion of unity."
mouseposture, Mar 22 2012

       Are we talking about the halfbakery again?
normzone, Mar 22 2012

       /a more natural reshaping of the skull/   

       This is a great idea and I think could be done without the mystery fluid. The brain is already encased in a fluid filled sac. There is plenty of precent in orthopedics where bones are broken then reset into better positions.   

       Once reverted to its unfused fetal state, the skull would reform in a shape more suited to current activities of the brain. The helmet here would simply be protective, to keep people from whacking their heads too hard before the plates refused.
bungston, Mar 22 2012

       //mountain ranges and valleys// -- "No, that's Vallis Marineris, not a Harry Potter impersonation"
lurch, Mar 22 2012

       I think that this is a perfectly splendid idea. Also, as an additional service, extra grey matter can be shoved into your head through the cracks in the skull, thus increasing intelligence. +
DrBob, Mar 22 2012

       // extra grey matter can be shoved into your head through the cracks //   

       That seems a bit of a daunting prospect ... it is likely that candidates would view it with nervousness and trepanation ...
8th of 7, Mar 22 2012

       You'd have only the marrowest of margins...   


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