h a l f b a k e r ycarpe demi
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The hoovercraft is a planing boat for use
on the road.
At slow speeds, it travels on wheels. On
the open highway, though, the sluices
and
throttle are opened. The sluices
disgorge
a vast amount of water from the mid-
point of the craft. The rear portion of the
hull planes on this
cushion of water, like
any regular speedboat. Aft of the hull, a
250hp vacuum cleaner retrieves the
water,
directing it through a filter unit and back
to the mid-ship sluice gates. The overall
effect is of a speedboat scudding along
the motorway on its own personal
cushion
of water.
No longer need you huddle like the
millions of your fellow travellers, seated
behind a wheel in a glass coccoon. In
your hoovercraft, you can stand manfully
in the cockpit, hand on the tiller, a
peaked cap snugly on your head, and a
pipe clamped firmly between your teeth.
As a bonus, the road is left spotlessly
clean.
Vax V028M
http://www.vax.co.u...6-pack-AAA-solution
Indoor version of Hoovercraft. [MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 15 2008]
Just needs suck.
http://www.freepate....com/US4274591.html
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Mar 16 2008]
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Yeah, but we'll float the company
nevertheless. |
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You'll run out of water pretty quickly. Impossible to recover it all, regardless of the power of your vacuum cleaner. You're also offering to carry the garbage you collect, presumably to a collection point? What happens to performance when your garbage can feature is full? |
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I should have explained more clearly for
the hard of thinking. The collected
rubbish is burned, yielding both additional
power and sufficient water to keep the
tanks topped up. |
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Wet-weather handling is superb, by the
way. |
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//I should have explained more clearly for the hard of thinking.// |
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Hah! Image of yon boofhead driving his Suckmobile over a short section of dirt road then sitting around for a few hours until a service crew comes out and removes 3/4 of a ton of slightly charred dirt from its guts. |
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[UB] perhaps you are not familiar with the
long-established English recreational
indoor vehicle known as the Vax V028M? |
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We have similar, but none of ours are powered by incinerating the garbage they pick up. |
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Well, give yourselves a little time. |
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I'm pretty sure there's some spare, tucked under my desk blotter for a busy day. |
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//it travels on wheels//
No, this just will not do. At slow speeds, it should be a sailboat. Have a collapsible ring on the perimeter (an above-ground pool with the road surface forming the bottom), filled with water. As water flows downward, recycle it with the pumps, just enough to leave a cushion of water. Raise the mast, sail on. |
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... wheels?! Hoover must be sucking in his grave. |
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The sailboat mode is only available at an
extra cost. The problem is that fully-
bouyant craft requires a good depth of
water under all of its hull, whereas a
planing craft needs only a shallow pool at
the rear. You have to consider the
practicalities when you're dealing with
things like this. |
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You're right. Sorry, I've been impractical all day. |
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//You have to consider the practicalities when you're dealing with things like this// |
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There's a tagline in there, somewhere. |
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It should be more specific and convoluted. |
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Filtering out the return water with a screen, and returning it to the road is what happpens when the screen is full. It returns, not in the pumped water (for pumping the super dirty water would be unwise), but after it is produced in a cup next to the driver's seat, whereby he/she proceeds to take the rubble and throw it overboard. |
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Over time, the roads are gonna be so clean, you'll have to pollute just to keep things interesting. |
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