Too lazy, shy, or aesthetically challenged to score dates easily?

Tired of shelling out hundreds of dollars on regular escorts just so you can see the latest installation of Olson Twins creepiness... or whatever you consider to be horror... only to become hopelessly distracted fifteen minutes into the film, and spending even more than you expected?

Unsatisfied with the conversation from your blow up doll?

Not to worry, professional horror movie escort service tecnicians are now available. These highly trained ladies are anxiously awaiting your call.

Our service provides women who are highly conversant in matters of all horror movies except the one you are about to watch, which they somhow have "not yet gotten around to", but which they've "always wanted to see." They'll understand all of your jokes, but will never give away the ending.

Our service providers are less visually stunning than regular escort service girls. They also know how and when to keep their hands to themselves. Thus they do not demand such high prices, and you'll never miss a scene.

Choose for yourself, from chubby and cringing for that soft teddy bear effect, tall and tonselly for those big screams, or skinny and scared, for hours of lap sitting without cutting off your circulation. Special discounts may apply for hiring pairs or small groups.

we also feature a selection of regular service providers with extra training, for more mature and wealthy audiences.

Ladies, ask us about our lineup of male service providers. Not quite as strong and silent as the regular male escorts, but a whole lot cheaper. These professionals will pick you up at your time of choice, talk uncomfortably with the parents if desired, do the driving, and even check for burglars on the return trip. Surcharges may apply for tucking you in, reading a calming bedtime story, calling within a week, or other extra services.