h a l f b a k e r y
This would work fine, except in terms of success.
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To construct a McTartan lake, you must
first stretch a series of parallel wires
tightly across the entire surface of the
lake, just below the surface of the water.
Another set of wires runs at right angle
to
these so that there are a number of
intersection points where the wires cross
each other. The wires are laid in such a
way as to make the spacing and gaps
correspond to the tartan pattern of your
choice.
All of the wires are then to made to
vibrate
at a frequency that causes the water
immediately above
to be disrupted and rippled continuously
into the predetermined tartan.
(monochrome version only at present)
Now all you have to do is wait for the
chavs to come and admire your handy
work.
For [Shz]
http://images.googl...s?q=burberry%20chav
The attraction explained...well illustrated anyway. [zen_tom, Nov 09 2006]
Chav definition
http://www.urbandic...efine.php?term=chav
Urban dictionary seems to have turned into a contest over the most negative descriptions. Funny for a paragraph or two and then it becomes a little boring. [jmvw, Nov 09 2006, last modified Nov 10 2006]
ChavScum
http://www.chavscum.co.uk/
"A user's guide to Britain's ASBO generation" [wagster, Nov 10 2006]
Annotation:
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Ooh wow, that would be nice to look at! |
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Same as a guido. Not sure how this attracts them. Also, that's a lot of vibration in water. It would look cool, though, if it works even a little. |
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Even better if the wires were razor sharp so that any chavs (or neds) who were so attracted to the lake (or loch) that they wished to feel the tartan itself would find themselves at least fingerless and at best, sliced like ham. |
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what calum said x tenfold. |
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not in a pattern and with dots... |
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Would "The Moon", for lack of better name, mess this up at all? |
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Somewhere on the Internet I've seen a wave machine that can create standing waves in a tartan pattern (amongst others). |
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Ah, thanks [z_t]. I have yet to see that trend. |
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Outstanding [link], DrCurry! |
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Hey, I used to live near Chatham (Cha-am with an epiglottal stop in the middle - letter t in the middle of a word didn't exist), and I see from jmvw's link, which mentions Chatham, that Chav now has a negative connotation. About 25-30 years ago, I can remember saying phrases such as "Watcha Chavvy".
'Watcha' I picked up from the Folkestone area, and basically means hello. Chav or Chavvy basically meant "friend" or "mate". |
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From Wikipedia: (One of the ( many possible) origins of the word chav)
\\The use of the word “chav” can also be traced to the town of Chatham, Medway in Kent, where the word has been in use for several generations to describe a person on the dole. To be “on the dole” was to be “on the chav.” It was a local joke that people from Chatham dressed a certain way and were frequently on the dole, which led to the term “Chatham Chav.”\\ |
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One McHaggisBurger(TM) please... |
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Doesn't it have to be Burberry's tartan? |
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Chav, huh? I always thought they were called posers. Oh well, to each his/her own. Not a bad idea, though. + |
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Just one question remains: WHY would you WANT to ATTRACT those annoying posers!?! |
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No, no, no. It would be a grave misconception to class these people as posers. A poser, in my opinion, would be a relatively harmless fashion victim, who wishes to impress upon you the fact that they have bought into the latest fad. The nature of the chav is far more sinister. It is a lifestyle, which embraces the antithesis of society. They stick their middle finger up at anything resembling authority, yet without the quaint charm of ideals that went before them, such as Punk. These people are the moronic underclass, and they have unwisely been been given their 15 minutes of fame. They are best ignored. This would have been a beautiful idea were it not for the unnecessary mention of chavs. An undulating tartan lake in the highlands of Scotland is a fine image. One which attracted chavs is not. Vote withheld. |
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Somehow, the best ideas are the most pointless. |
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....... but the whole point of it is to
attract the chavs who will gather like
flies and leave the rest of us alone. |
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And I thought it was just random chav flash-mobbing. |
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Dead men don't wear plaid. |
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Perhaps, if once the Chavs are all gathered around the lake, we round up and euthanize them (or, to be more humane, send them to military school)... yes, that would be awesome... do it under the cover of darkness, nobody will know (or care) where they went, and unsuspecting chavs will keep flocking to their doom.... The police would see it as a mysterious public service and probably would not even bother to investigate. |
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Xenzag, I like the idea of attracting them away from us, but something this beautiful shouldn't be wasted on that trash. Maybe a big pit filled with shiny aluminum foil? |
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With a series of floating barriers thick enough, it would be possible to float colored oil atop the lake in the proper locations... more or less... for a while... |
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Until the Chavs use their chivs to chop up the barriers. |
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