Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Nuclear BBQ

Handy way to cook and eliminate nuclear waste!
  (+6, -8)
(+6, -8)
  [vote for,
against]

Spent fuel rods (filled with little pellets of uranium) from nuclear reactors are put into pools of water for 10-20 years to dissipate energy in the form of heat. If not covered in water these little buggers can heat up and even burst into flames. Perfect for you backyard grill! Get bags filled with water and pellets from your local nuclear power plant instead of buying conventional charcoal, drain the water, and put them in your lead-lined grill. Self-lighting! Sure to last for the next 10 years (as long as you don't reach "criticality"— a nuclear chain reaction). The power company won't have to go through the hassle of "safely" disposing of them and you get the ultimate grilling experience!
KineticKill, Mar 06 2008

Char-Nobyl 6000 http://www.tvsquad....ce-global-grilling/
Master shake, you are my inspiration... [KineticKill, Mar 06 2008]

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       You could make a flying saucer hotdog steamer if you filled your coal grill with water and then poked a hole in the bottom.... just replace the charcoal with a pellet or two. Keep the wheels on for balancing and aiming upwards, and replace the aluminum with a lead heat shield. Uh, then just stand back and watch that thing take off into orbit. (yeah, it probably would blow up or burn up before it got away, but then you'd have nuclear fireworks too)
quantum_flux, Mar 06 2008
  

       10-20 years. We should be so lucky.
wagster, Mar 06 2008
  

       There could be a few problems with the practical implementation of this idea.   

       If the cook gets into a position where they are in line of sight of the fuel rods, they're going to get a pretty hefty dose of radiation. This means that all cooking is going to have to be done using mirrors, remote handling, and lead-bromide filled screening tanks.   

       As long as the fuel pins retain their integrity, there will be no release of contamination; the food will get dosed up too, but all that will do is kill any bugs in it (which is a good thing, especailly if you have a penchant for undercooked chicken).   

       The heavy lead shielding for the grill is going to need a substantial support structure, and some sort of automated handling system for getting the pins in and out; using the grill tongs probably isn't going to be a workable option.   

       Plus there's the cost of the armed guards, 24 hours a day..... if the fuel pins are LEU-filled, and have been through a full burn cycle, then there's going to be a fair bit of Pu in there, quite attractive to "visitors". If they're MOX fuel, then they're even more "attractive".   

       Apart from that .........
8th of 7, Mar 06 2008
  

       //as long as you don't reach "criticality"//They're not going to get hot enough without it.
ldischler, Mar 06 2008
  

       Oh yes they are ...... the damn things are plenty warm enough, even without a crit.
8th of 7, Mar 06 2008
  

       This sounds like it was devised by North Korea.   

       Luckily, I rarely eat what I barbecue. So I would buy one. But then the Pentagon would confiscate it.
Shadow Phoenix, Mar 06 2008
  

       If they produce so much thermal energy, in what way are they 'spent'? Isn't that what they are for in the first place?
GutPunchLullabies, Mar 07 2008
  

       <groan>   

       Fuel pins become "spent" during the fuel cycle because of a number of effects.   

       1. The intense neutron flux degrades the structural integrity of the casing. This can cause warping, or in extreme cases, bursting (very bad).   

       2. Gaseous fission fragments are released, making the filling "spongy" and increasing internal pressure.   

       3. The absorbtion of neutrons increases, damping down the reaction; and the proportion of fissile material decreases.   

       4. Presuming you're burning LEU, the U238 starts to get cooked to Np which decays to Pu........
8th of 7, Mar 07 2008
  

       //If they produce so much thermal energy, in what way are they 'spent'? //
After a year they've cooled down so much that they can be stored in dry casks. So, for the purposes of a barbeque, you need fresh spent fuel. It'd probably last as long as a propane tank, and kill everyone in the neighborhood besides. With that added feature, I've changed my vote to +.
ldischler, Mar 07 2008
  

       //Presuming you're burning LEU, the U238 starts to get cooked to Np which decays to Pu//   

       So we can let it go a few more days before swapping out the rods in our basement reactor? I know they are overdue already,it's just I was hoping to take a long weekend..
GutPunchLullabies, Mar 07 2008
  

       Leave 'em be - it'll be a longer weekend than you ever imagined - it could last all of the rest of your life ....
8th of 7, Mar 07 2008
  

       //There could be a few problems with the practical implementation of this idea.//   

       [marked-for-tagline]
Ling, Mar 08 2008
  

       I know I am new to this site but I got the impression that there were a lot more people reading this stuff that had a sense of humor rather then had nuclear science degrees.
KineticKill, Mar 09 2008
  

       The nuclear science (or other technical input) is intrinsic to the humour, [KineticKill].   

       There's a heading under the 'help' link (left-hand margin of this page, under 'meta:'), called 'Tongue-In-Cheek', which I recommend to your attention.   

       Don't worry, you haven't done anything bad; it's just part of the process of adapting to the local customs.
pertinax, Mar 09 2008
  

       // adapting to the local customs //   

       Including the one where the less tolerant denizens of the Bakery smear you all over with mashed avocado and nail you upside-down to a giraffe.
8th of 7, Mar 09 2008
  

       Don't mind [8th], he can never find the nail gun when it counts. 6th and 7th were just as bad, I reckon.   

       If you want some guacamole, it's on that *very* high shelf up there.
pertinax, Mar 09 2008
  

       I'm afraid I've got the giraffe at the moment, as I was expecting Treon. However, I'll wash it and bring it back as soon as I'm done.   

       [Kinetic] we are mostly geeks, nerds and pedants here. Hence, people will pick over the bones of any idea and will take the opportunity to expound on nuclear physics and any other topics that are remotely related.   

       Fortunately, I'm not so pedantic. Oh, and Sp.: "humour".
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 09 2008
  

       Eh, hot dogs couldn't get much worse than they start out.
RayfordSteele, Mar 11 2008
  


 

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