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MaxwellBuchanan, stop reading NOW. You will find what follows deeply, deeply disturbing.
A careful analysis of postings on this site has revealed the possibility that there may actually be HalfBakers who not only have just one residence <wince>, but do not have ANY domestic staff ... <shudder>
This
means that after parties, they are actually obliged to clean up the mess themselves.
As a gesture of compassion to these few poor benighted individuals, BorgCo Party Services are now able to offer for hire portable vomitoriums.
Resembling a portable toilet, they are specifically designed to cater for the needs of those for whom reverse peristalsis is an inevitable consequence of over-indulgence. Manufactured from washable plastic mouldings, the vomitorium is provided with receiving bowls at various levels to cater for different levels of incapacitation. Disposal paper towels, moist wipes and other cleaning aids are provided in profusion; there are handgrips, knee pads, and vast quantities of air fresnener, along with thorough soundproofing.
Simply book the vomitorium, pay the fee, and it will be discreetly delivered to your home and placed by an outside door; a number of disguises are available. Guests wear an RFID pendant which automatically releases the magnetic door lock as they approach, thus preventing casual use by non-guests.
In the early morning, an electrically powered vehicle discreetly whisks the vomitorium away to be emptied, sanitaised and reloaded ready for the next night.
[link]
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[+] for the idea, and may I humbly suggest a "Crashatorium" as well, which can also be carted away the next morning, emptied in an interesting area then cleaned, ready for the next night's rental. |
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I'd like to rent the upscale model though, please: porcelain fixtures chilled to just above 0degC, tile flooring and air temperature 10 deg below ambient, handshowers at each end, perhaps a puke-and-scoop rake that collects and deposits outside anybody who hasn't moved in 20 minutes. |
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Insert obligatory debunking on the vomitorium here.
While i'm at it, the Esquimau snow myth is actually a myth too. |
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// rent the upscale model // |
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We offer a complete range for all pockets (and stomachs). The wesite will be up any day now. |
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The vomitorium was the exit to the arena.
Now, I know in football stadia, these smell of other bodily emanations, but I don't see how this pertains to the posted idea. |
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// I don't see how this pertains // |
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As in "Exeunt Omnes", or more concisely, "That's right, get it all up ..." |
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// there may actually be HalfBakers who not only have just
one residence <wince>, but do not have ANY domestic staff
... <shudder>// |
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[marked for deletion] bad domestic science. |
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Apparently the main reason that the Romans never had a room for being sick in was that they did it at the table. Into bowls held by the slaves. |
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Dear god, 8th - it seems you were right. I spoke to some of
the staff, and neither the second pantrymaid nor the chief
engineer have any homes apart from their ones in the
village. I did ask the pantrymaid where she stayed when she
took her annual holiday on the Black Sea. She explained that
it was Black_pool_, and that she stayed in a rented chalet.
Frankly, I never even knew she could ski. |
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This all comes as a bit of a shock. Surely it's unhygenic to
stay in the same house year-round? |
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We warned you not to look. |
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We suggest you go and lie down for a bit is a quiet, dark room (perhaps the smaller of the two studies behind the third best billiard room in the North Wing). |
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You are sadly correct in your assumption that it is unhygienic to stay in one house too long. We have even heard a rumour that some of the more menial employees actually wear the same clothes more than once, subjecting them to a disturbing and medically unsound process called "washing" in between uses. |
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