h a l f b a k e r yNo, not that kind of baked.
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Speed-'em-Up Toilets
For use in high-traffic restrooms that accumulate long lines. Inspired by airline toilets. | |
This is a toilet that forms an airtight seal around your arse, then evacuates all the air from the toilet, creating a powerful suction to rapidly empty one's bowels. Combine with an ultra-low frequency bass amplifier to break up any stubborn blockages, and you'll see shorter lines at bars (meaning more
people getting back to the business of buyng your beer) and fewer break violations at work.
bowel assist
[tatterdemalion, Apr 13 2009]
[link]
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Wow, that's two Mythbusters stories in one ! But actually I'm curious to know how effective the combination would be [+].
Maybe use the MBer's giant sub-woofer ? |
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Worst case: rectal prolapse. More likely: thigh fart sounds. |
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possible use in the case of dysfunctional colon muscles; apart from that... <ugh>. |
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Very similar... but it's the bass amplifier that makes the difference. |
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If you’re going for a full hybrid approach to expedient bowel evacuation, how about a speedy enema device to start the process? |
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Though, people going back for seconds would make for longer lines.
This would be especially suited to speed readers. |
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This may be quite the draw that the poster expected ... [+] |
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It'd probably be better to redesign and redefine the form of
the 'toilet' as we consider it, then. I suggest modelling it on
the shape of a traffic cone. |
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//I suggest modelling it on the shape of a traffic cone//
<cautiously> In which orientation? </c> |
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// I suggest modelling it on the shape of a traffic cone.// |
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Did anyone see a goat around here? |
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Jiffy Loo, Now with extreme prolapse protection, In and "out" in five minutes or less, Guaranteed or your money back. Ask about our free belts and hoses inspection. 20% off all bidet and hemorrhoid services through march. Get ready for the summer weather with an undercarriage "painless" waxing. All of our proctal technicians are SAE certified. Present this coupon to receive a free "happy ending" with any #1 or #2 service. |
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Wcw... that is so wrong! And don't you mean A.R.S.E. (American Rectal Service Equipment) certified instead of SAE? |
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no, Society of Anal Extractors. |
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Does it come with tyre lever to prise you off the seat afterwards? |
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No, it just repressurizes. |
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I'm not sure you understand how the bowel really works. |
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It's potentially hazardous to literally suction out one's waste. The better alternative is to place sensors and apply a mild electric shock to quicken one's rectal muscles' evacuation rhythm. |
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//apply a mild electric shock to quicken one's rectal muscles' evacuation rhythm.// |
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Did you miss the brown note bit ? |
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Arrggh... no, not doing it for me [-] |
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