The TP Wringer is a portable device similar to the antiquated versions used to wring the water from clothes so that they would dry quicker. The TP Wringer is hand cranked and has two rollers the width of an average square. Encircling the two edges of roller A are subtle square projections that mesh with corresponding square dimples of roller B when the crank is turned. Additionally, roller A contains a reservoir of water that can escape through pin-sized holes placed throughout.

The two sheets are pressed together as they are fed through the rollers, with extra pressure near the edges provided by the dimples and knobs. The tiny amount of water secreted by roller A penetrates both layers in the immediate local vicinity of the droplet creating just enough cohesive force without leaving the paper soggy.

Of course, you have to find a way to feed both sheets at once, which is no easy task when cranking at the same time. There is no battery operated version because that would detract from the whimsical nature of this idea.