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The Real Warp Speed

 Can we get the fuck out of here, already!?"
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Whenever I try to leave the house to get somewhere, time speeds up. Just getting to school in the morning, I'm often 15 minutes late or so.

When my family is going on a road trip, this factor increases exponentially. We left the house for Kansas (from North Carolina) at midnight once.

Obviously, the solution to the problem facing scientists of how to achieve light speed is this: Find a really big family. Have them leave on a road trip for the other side of the continent. Meanwhile, the space shuttle in the back yard is within the Leaving The House Warp Factor field, but not fully. It takes off. The paradox between the two time zones will rocket it halfway to the next dimension. Especially if it's two families on a road trip together.

—Eugene, Apr 04 2004

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       Could inspire a movie: "Home Alone in 5D"
—FarmerJohn, Apr 04 2004
   

       Hm. Rant as interdimensional physics.
—DrCurry, Apr 04 2004
   

       Not a rant, thank you very much. I merely find it funny how things that should take a few seconds take minutes.
—Eugene, Apr 04 2004
   

       Getting there is half the fun ... then starting to get there must be a part of the other half ... Patience me buck'o', you will be on the receiving end of this complaint soon enough.
—fasteddy, Apr 04 2004
   

       I like the idea. [Eugene], whose name invokes in me an image of someone who could eat an apple through a tennis racquet, has pointed up the greatest time paradox of all: That of our perception of time.   

       Recent studies have shown that paramedics may be killing their heart attack patients with hyperventilation. They think they are providing 12-15 breaths per minute when it's actually 25-37, because of their skewed time perception in an emergency situation. Overinflating the lungs compresses the heart muscle, reducing cardiac blood flow.
—UnaBubba, Apr 06 2004
   

       this is not funny,   

       if you want to slow time down, just look at the clock all the time.
—SystemAdmin, Apr 06 2004
   

       //They think they are providing 12-15 breaths per minute when it's actually 25-37, because of their skewed time perception in an emergency situation// aren't they trained to count or something?
—po, Apr 06 2004
   

       Yes, but ironically, they are trained to count as quickly as possible. 1missisippi2mississip3missi4miss5mi6m789...
—eyeguy, Apr 06 2004
   

       sorry, I don't buy that.
—po, Apr 06 2004
   

       Tragically, I am allergic to apples. Doubtless I could get through a tennis racket to food I wanted, however.   

       Good idea, SA. NASA should employ people to look at the clock, sigh, and then look at their wristwatches as well. It'll increase the paradox.   

       What don't you buy, po? Ford will come out with a car that's powered by this any day now, I bet...
—Eugene, May 29 2004
   

       poorly annotated, but i appreciate where you're going with this.
—xer0negative, Jul 13 2004
   


 

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