Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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AWACS Pizza

Feeding the front lines
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We are witnessing at this time the early hours of a war. I have now watched as dozens of reporters from many networks have predicted that the main assault will be either very shortly, or not very shortly, or perhaps sometime after that; that Saddam is either dead, or possibly not dead; that the "shock and awe" portion of the battle will occur in the daytime, or else at night.

Bah. I'll give you a prediction. I predict that if you have several tens of thousands of young American men in a desert somewhere, you have an insufficient quantity of pizza. And an insufficient means of delivering it.

As we watched the news coverage, one of my sons suddenly discovered, right there on-screen, the solution. The E-2 Hawkeye AWACS aircraft. (That's the carrier-based prop job with the big circular housing on top.)

Many of the older models are sitting in the airplane boneyards in the Arizona desert. These craft could be updated, at minimal expense, to carry a batallion-sized pizza inside the radome. The radar unit would have a remodeled antenna which would direct microwaves onto the pizza, ensuring a hot, fresh pizza could be delivered. Flying several in formation with an "active duty" AWACS craft makes it possible to deliver this payload with pinpoint accuracy, as the radomes are detached and dropped by parafoil to the hungry troops.

Considering some of the things done to bring comfort and cheer to the servicemen, this would have to be one of the more cost-effective.

lurch, Mar 20 2003

Or as an incentive http://www.halfbake..._20carpet_20bombing
Menus and ordering info could be included on surrender leaflets [lurch, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]

Report on obesity in US army http://www.sirc.org...icles/too_fat.shtml
"So what is the US Army to do? Increase training? Closely monitor soldiers' diet? Close down the McDonalds outlets opened on US service bases across the globe originally intended to encourage new recruits? No. Just move the goal posts." [pottedstu, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]

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       I'm not pessimisstic, and i'm not shooting down the idea either, but i doubt how this can bring comfort and cheer when they have to deal with the death of a dead comrade....   

       <aside>Do creature comforts breed complacency in the army, even during war?</aside>
LoneRifle, Mar 20 2003
  

       <Ernie Pyle>War is hell, boy. But that's never stopped a soldier from thinking about food.</EP>
lurch, Mar 20 2003
  

       The American troops already have branches of McDonalds at army bases all over the world, so I don't suppose adding an aerial pizza delivery franchise would be much of a problem (I still think mopeds would be more cost-effective though). However, while googling I just found an article which claims:   

       // 53.9 per cent of US military personnel over the age of 20 would be classified as too fat to fight under federal obesity standards. A fifth of those aged under 20 would also fail the fat test. //   

       I don't think pizza, high in fat and low in protein and vitamins, is really the best food for soldiers.
pottedstu, Mar 20 2003
  

       [LoneRifle], sad to say, in my personal experience even when the most appaling things are happening to you and your comrades, something like a good hot meal can make a substantial difference. In such circumstances humans revert to some very primitive behaviours, becoming very centred on things like food and shelter.   

       (+) for the idea.
8th of 7, Mar 20 2003
  

       The Dogs of War, [Rods] ?
8th of 7, Mar 20 2003
  

       <mp9man>OH MY GAWD! YOU THREATENED ME! I'M EX-NAVY AND I HAVE A DIRECT LINE TO THE FBI! OH MY GAWD!</mp9man>
thumbwax, Mar 20 2003
  

       [8th] - Agreed. Digging up from my past experiences actually reveals that we COULD do something like the AWACS pizza....
LoneRifle, Mar 20 2003
  

       And in the next war (George Bush III), it'll probably be unmanned flying saucer pizza.
FarmerJohn, Mar 20 2003
  

       [thumb] has he written to Mr Forwarded?
po, Mar 20 2003
  

       Nice idea but, as we've seen on the news, there was a steak and lobster feed put on for the troops a few hours prior to the 'ultimatum deadline'. Microwave pizza seems a bit pale by comparison.
X2Entendre, Mar 20 2003
  

       I certainly hope this war is short enough for a steak & lobster dinner to suffice.
lurch, Mar 20 2003
  

       A guy I knew who served in Gulf War I, or whatever it was called, said they ate this pre-cooked pasta and tomato sauce (kind of like Chef Boyardee here in the States; not too good) out of foil pouches three times a day - and loved it. They were totally stoked to eat this stuff all the time, no fresh fruit or vegetables, either.   

       Now don't get me wrong: I'm no health nut, but how are those guys supposed to be fit and strong if all they eat is that stuff?
snarfyguy, Mar 20 2003
  

       [snarf]: They just make sure the stuff isn't high in fat   

       Pasta seems to be commonplace in the new combat rations the Singapore Armed Forces distributes to us...   

       .... But the stuff still sucks
LoneRifle, Apr 27 2003
  

       How would you propose to get fresh fruit and veggies to the front lines?
RayfordSteele, Apr 27 2003
  

       Heh. I remember hearing something about the Canadian rations: US MRE exchange rate being around 1:5 or so...
Spaceman42, Apr 27 2003
  

       /Heh. I remember hearing something about the Canadian rations: US MRE exchange rate being around 1:5 or so...//   

       US 1 : Can 5   

       or   

       Can 1 : US 5?
FloridaManatee, May 05 2003
  

       I don't have any intentions of joining the armed forces, but if I did, I'd be all for this. Hell, I'm all for it now.
Eugene, May 05 2003
  

       I don't even want to know about enema lions.
GenYus, Dec 19 2003
  

       Best pizza idea I have ever read.
DocBrown, Aug 24 2004
  
      
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