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Almost Perpetual Stair Carpet

  (+19, -3)(+19, -3)
(+19, -3)
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Almost Perpetual Stair Carpet is like a caterpillar track, in that it wraps around the entire staircase. This means that it requires a lot of installation work, with the cranking mechanism being located under the bottom stair tread, and the carpet disappearing into a slot at the top step.

Once every ten years, you simply crank it forward by half step to ensure totally even wear. This advances a fresh part unto each tread step. When this wears down, you advance the totally new section of carpet that has been stored on the backside of the staircase, like one of those revolving public bathroom towels.

xenzag, Jun 30 2010

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       [+]
8th of 7, Jun 30 2010
  

       Why every ten years? Why not monthly or bi-weekly, for cleanliness as well as even wear?
Alx_xlA, Jun 30 2010
  

       Or suddenly, in the dark, when Granny is trying to get back upstairs ?   

       Just don't mention it to the insurers ...
8th of 7, Jun 30 2010
  

       //Why every ten years?// Best not to rush these things.
xenzag, Jun 30 2010
  

       If you're only doing it every ten years, it would probably be cheaper to get a new carpet, rather than to install a complicated mechanism to do the same job.
Alx_xlA, Jun 30 2010
  

       Or you could have it constantly moving.. [+]
DrWorm, Jun 30 2010
  

       For that matter, why not have the carpet advanced more frequently as mentioned earlier, but collected on a roll stashed beneath the staircase, and regularly switched out for a clean runner roll on a monthly or quarterly schedule by a carpet service company, just like those revolving public bathroom towels? Never have to vacuum your staircase again!
jurist, Jul 01 2010
  

       Something tells me he simply requires the loud dangerous crank in the back, the laborious and practically nonexistent observance of its proper use and all the other ratchety unexplained mannerisms that might result. It's an old person's wet dream, perhaps. No big tech, bottom line.   

       I like the .01mm/sec idea. Would have fun watching it move, or simply laying on the stairs with a precariously full glass of red and exclaiming "carry me home!", always in vain, of course.
daseva, Jul 01 2010
  

       [daseva], would your // loud dangerous crank in the back// just happen to be the spouse of [8th of 7]'s Granny?
Canuck, Jul 01 2010
  

       Isn’t this just an exceedingly slow escalator?
Ian Tindale, Jul 01 2010
  

       [jurist], why store it on a roll? Wouldn't a continuous ducted run from the carpet factory to the bottom of your staircase, and then from the top of the stairs via another duct to the municipal recycling facility, be better?
pocmloc, Jul 01 2010
  

       I do like the idea of it constantly, but imperceptibly creeping upwards. This of course requires a large clock-work type, wind-up mechanism which would be located in the wedge shaped space under the stairs.
xenzag, Jul 01 2010
  

       Cool [+]. That could also work for regular carpets too, just put slots in the floor and have the carpet looping around underneath.
AntiQuark, Jul 02 2010
  

       What [bigsleep], [DrWorm] and [davesa] said, except that it should also be a Möbius strip, with the twist hidden under the stairs.
hippo, Jul 02 2010
  

       Almost perpetual doesn't cut it around here.
rcarty, Jul 02 2010
  

       why stop with stairs ? put it in the kid's room who never willingly cleans up: anything on the floor slowly works its way to the bin chute.
FlyingToaster, Jul 02 2010
  

       + nice and you can change the pattern throughout a series of small deviations.
xandram, Jul 04 2010
  

       //a series of small deviations// marked-for-tagline
pocmloc, Jul 04 2010
  

       //Wouldn't a continuous ducted run from the carpet factory ... the municipal recycling facility//   

       I think this loses out by requiring a serious amount of civil work in the installation. But with a similar aim, yet taking a different tack, how about a colony of trained moth larvae at the top end, constantly munching away at the carpet that has been moved into the slot and out of view. Ally this with clever apparatus to strip the fibres out of the coccoons made by the larvae and spin fresh material with which to make new carpet. Ally this with a slow moving loom at the bottom end extending the carpet at the same rate as it gets fed into the top slot.   

       Since the larvae are most active during the night it may be best to suspend operations during the daytime, and adjust the carpet's rate of travel accordingly. This also lets us use off-peak electricity to power the fibre collection, spinning and weaving machinery. This also means that the carpet will be still during the daytime when most people are using the stairs, enhancing safety for the household,   

       Needs someone to do the math regarding numbers of moth larvae vs rate of travel.
Tulaine, Jul 04 2010
  

       Rather than loop carpet under the stairs, arrange a small loom behind the bottom step to weave new carpet from wool (or your chosen fibre) continuously but slowly. By adding a small amount of movement to the bottom step, a ratchet mechanism could allow the loom to be driven by the weight of the users. Coupling the mechanism to a tensioning device uner the top step will keep the carpet in place under the stair rods. Used carpet could be unwoven under the top step and the fibres re-cycled appropriately.   

       Adding a card reader to the loom would allow the user to change the carpet pattern.   

       I still need to work out how to get a tiny steam engine into this. (+)
Twizz, Jul 05 2010
  

       //Almost perpetual doesn't cut it around here// marked-for-tagline.
Canuck, Jul 06 2010
  

       The steam engine has a boiler for torturing poor little silk worms for their silk and a power feed for running the whole apparatus.
Voice, Feb 21 2011
  
      
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