Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Anthropomorphic Garden Plants

Surreal
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The planting mix contains various little plastic body parts attached to little rings or hooks. Eyes, ears, hands, feet, noses, mouths etc.

When the plant pokes out of the soil, it will catch these little body parts which will remain on the plant as it grows.

One plant will have an eye, the other a mouth, the next a nose. You would have no idea how it would turn out.

It would increase the macabre surrealism of your garden by ten fold.

doctorremulac3, Jul 10 2017

Dada_20Nests [xenzag, Jul 10 2017]

https://vimeo.com/50746661 [hippo, Jul 11 2017]

[link]






       //It would increase the macabre surrealism of your garden by ten fold.// - that's quite a bold claim. Are you saying that no matter how macabrelly surreal a garden is to start with, this will make it ten times as macabrelly surreal? I suggest that this claim is mistaken and this invention will merely increase the macabre surrealism of your garden by an absolute amount, rather than by a multiplier.
hippo, Jul 10 2017
  

       Excllent news for the birds who will happily collect these and add them as components to their Dada nests (see link)
xenzag, Jul 10 2017
  

       // will merely increase the macabre surrealism of your garden by an absolute amount, rather than by a multiplier. //   

       The disadvantage of that is that a multiplier is dimensionless, but an absolute amount requires a standardized unit of macabre surreality, shirley ? Is there an SI unit for that, and, if not, isn't it high time there was ?   

       Would macabre sureality have its own unit, or will there be just a unit of surreality ?   

       These are important questions, and we demand answers.
8th of 7, Jul 11 2017
  

       If the items were carefully made with designed internal channels, the growing plants can give exploded views.
wjt, Jul 11 2017
  

       //a standardized unit of macabre surreality// - this is the Svankmeyer, one Svankmeyer being equivalent to 'Food' (see link).
hippo, Jul 11 2017
  

       While I question the absolute necessity of establishing standards and practices for measurement of a garden's macabre surreality, I'd propose macabreness being measured in "Poes" and surreality being measured in units of "Dalis".   

       Assuming that a standard garden measures 1 Poe/Dali and the proposed accoutrements would multiply that ten fold, you'd have your yard marker to compare other gardens to. But still, clearly there is work to be done to more clearly establish a standard measurement for macabre / surrealness.   

       I believe it's time for a tax payer funded foundation to rank gardens on their Poe/Dali scale and I'm just the man to run that organization. Anybody suggesting that the "International Organization For Garden Macabre Surreality Measurement And Standards" (IAGMSMS) is a wast of taxpayer money is clearly a racist, homophobe, islamophobe sexist who is a trillion times worse than Hitler.   

       Write your congressman today or send your donations care of:   

       Me at IAGMSMS PO Box 1234 Citytown USA 54321   

       And forget what I said earlier about this not being absolutely necessary.
doctorremulac3, Jul 11 2017
  

       // While I question the absolute necessity of establishing standards //   

       But what is the SI unit of necessity ? You should question the relative necessity, shirley ?   

       In fact, that's the first job your organization needs to address - quantifying the absolute necessity of its own existence.   

       // macabreness being measured in "Poes" and surreality being measured in units of "Dalis". //   

       That seems reasonable ...   

       // a standard garden measures 1 Poe/Dali //   

       ... but that doesn't.   

       A typical garden, one with no more than the average number of Cthulhu* fishing-gnomes and white bone human skull birdseed feeders, should probably rate no more than a few hundred milliPoes, and sixty or so microDalis**.   

       Further, the ideal location for your institute's presumably lavish headquarters (and its adjunct Stephen King library) is clearly either the Miskatonic University campus at Arkham, or the adjoining science park (somewhat insensitively constructed, despite much local opposition, on the former Native American burial ground, and definitely prone to some distinctly odd and highly unpleasant inexplicable phenomena).   

       * There may be scope for a unit of horiffic weirdness, too. We suggest the "Lovecraft".   

       ** The Dali, like the Farad, is too large a unit of sureallism to be useful on a real-world basis.
8th of 7, Jul 11 2017
  

       //In fact, that's the first job your organization needs to address - quantifying the absolute necessity of its own existence.//   

       You mean establish the "Organization to Evaluate the Feasibility of the IAGMSMS"?   

       This would of course require environmental impact reports, workplace standards and practices evaluations, neighborhood surveys and I'm going to want at least 4 types of gender neutral bathrooms included in any workplace environment and I'm of course going to insist that they not be "labeled".   

       If somebody asks why we need 4 different kinds of bathrooms without labels I'll just call them Hitler and say "Ok, now I need 5 types of gender neutral bathrooms." That ought to shut them up.
doctorremulac3, Jul 11 2017
  

       The asker, or the bathrooms ?   

       // organization to evaluate the feasibility of the IAGMSMS? //   

       No, the feasability is not in dispute, rather like putting Donald Tusk in a spacecraft and launching it into an orbit around Mercury. It's technically possible, it just needs the political will, and the funding.   

       Once the IAGMSMS is happily settled in its new, shiny, air-conditioned state-of-the-art building, it will need to assemble and deploy a Strike Team of highly-paid purveyors of smoke, mirrors and weasel words to produce an evidence-based critique of the potential methodologies for defining an absolutely scale of "Necessity" and integrating it into the SI units.   

       Are you hiring at all ? We could send in a resumé ...
8th of 7, Jul 11 2017
  

       The asker. And if they keep asking questions I'll up the number to 6 and accuse them of being cisgender, transphobic, heteronormative, patriarchal poopy heads.   

       Maybe not the poopy head part.
doctorremulac3, Jul 11 2017
  

       It's all surreal and macabre until someone plants a potato, and then its just copyright Hasbro.
bigsleep, Jul 14 2017
  
      
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