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Attack Watch!

It LOOKS Like An Ordinary Watch... But No Aspiring Politician Should Be Without One
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This compact and stylish watch rests comfortably on your wrist and does, in fact, tell the time. However, it also includes sensors on the bottom side that monitor your heart rate and skin conduction, and a microphone to detect key words spoken by people around you, all of which are filtered through its Threat Detection Software. (Special circuitry will establish when you are in a non threatening situation by monitoring the decibel level -- sustained levels over 175 should confirm that you are either in a typical movie theater or perhaps a jet engine testing laboratory)

It is therefore able to discern when you are being harangued, belittled or mocked, all of which is user configurable so you can add key words as they are minted by your admirers, constituents, detractors, and off shore relatives.

There are several levels of Attack at your disposal. One option is the Helium Release Nozzle, which discreetly shoots a jet of Helium at your opponent. When they realize they're talking like a chipmunk, they'll shut up. If the watch detects that hasn't done the trick, Taser electrodes will fly out and bring your detractor down to size in what will appear to onlookers as a mere epileptic fit -- you will be first to drop down and give them what looks like aid and comfort, highlighting your magnanimous nature. Another option will suddenly drop the fake diamonds on the watch face, spilling them all over the floor. When your opponent and their minions drop to the floor to collect them, they will appear to be greedy and self-serving.

We here at GROGco's Political Expedience Department say that "Honesty Is The Best Image," and when that doesn't work, try the Attack Watch!

Grogster, Sep 16 2011

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       That would've helped Bernie Ecclestone - no, wait - they stole his watch.   

       Oh.
Twizz, Sep 16 2011
  

       Just because it's provided so much Halfbaked amusement in the past, I feel compelled to suggest a wristwatch-sized PHALANX. Or you could just strap a claymore mine to your arm.
Alterother, Sep 16 2011
  

       Does it come with an incoming shoe warning system as well?
RayfordSteele, Sep 20 2011
  
      
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