Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
I CAN HAZ CROISSANTZ?

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Bad Mouthed Food

Your plate thinks you're fat. . .
  (+3, -13)(+3, -13)
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Okay, what i have in mind here is this. Say you love to eat foods that are bad for you, and you want to lose weight. What i propose is an electronic plate with a speaker in it, connected to a small (spillproof) keyboard. When you're going to eat, type in your food and portion size.(and the plate will be able to analyze the food, so it will know if you're lying) The plate will then, based on your food, make remarks about it. For example, a brownie. Plate: How much do you weigh, man? If you're under 120, go ahead. Eat it. But if you're over, step away from the chocolate, fat boy!!! Or, say if you made a good choice. Plate: Ahhh, the smell of success. Is that really a lowfat chicken sandwich? Nice job, only 250 calories. Hope you eat like this tommorrow, or you'll be packin' on the pounds! The plate would also not listen to excuses about eating unhealthy. Person: But I haven't eaten in 2 day- Plate: Whine, whine, do you want to lose weight or don't ya?!! Think about it.
craziness, Mar 09 2006

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       If this plate can magically analyse your food, why bother with a keyboard to tell it in the first place?
fridge duck, Mar 09 2006
  

       it would tell you that you were a liar and then administer an electrical shock when you picked up your fork.
craziness, Mar 09 2006
  

       It would be a lot more effective if it just picked up the knife and threatened to perform surgery on you.   

       Hey, if it is smart enough to analyse food, it probably could perform brain surgery, even. Fishbone for magic technology.
baconbrain, Mar 10 2006
  

       \\administer an electrical shock when you picked up your fork.\\ [Marked–for-deletion] Cruelty. Cruelty and Magic.
hidden truths, Mar 10 2006
  

       how is that magic???
craziness, Mar 10 2006
  

       oh, and they have started developing computers that can perform surgery, baconbrain. And hidden truths, all the plate would have to do would be to charge the fork and when you picked it up it would zap you. And baconbrain, i think you need brain surgery.
craziness, Mar 10 2006
  

       and not a huge shock, a little one.
craziness, Mar 10 2006
  

       Mostly based on \\the plate will be able to analyze the food, so it will know if you're lying\\
Although it does bring up entertaining images of an overweight man arguing with his plate:
Guy- "But I keep telling you, it's a carrot"
Plate- "I'm sorry Michael, but that's a set of fudge toffies and no mistake"
hidden truths, Mar 10 2006
  

       It's like you're reading my mind.
hidden truths, Mar 10 2006
  

       craziness, I weight 140 lbs, and I'm not fat.   

       Eat this fishbone. It will help you lose weight.
DesertFox, Mar 10 2006
  

       desertfox, i never said anyone was overweight. it's called an example.
craziness, Mar 10 2006
  

       // think about it// - ok, I will - how do I do that?   

       How about a small hammer attached to the plate that bashes your teeth into fragments if you persist in eating. Could also attach one to your own keyboard, poised above your fingers: "Do you REALLY want to put up this idea?'' - Crunch Crunch Crunch... hands now resemble pile of mangled fishbones.
xenzag, Mar 10 2006
  

       It's (ideas) all very trollishly amateur, or sumthin.
skinflaps, Mar 10 2006
  

       <HAL> I can't let you eat that, Dave </HAL>
spidermother, Mar 10 2006
  

       okay, i don't get the bones. It's a workable idea, with a little imagination added in. It is possible, it's a good concept, so i think you're all just either annoyed that i thought of it first or plain dumb.
craziness, Mar 10 2006
  

       oh, and it is possible to analyze food but i still have to find a working link.
craziness, Mar 10 2006
  

       um...why not just unplug this magical device and eat what you want? oh, I forgot, it probably has a perpetual motion machine the size of a hydrogen atom that powers the whole thing.
the fiddler, Mar 10 2006
  

       [craziness] why is it that when ever you get criticized you respond with insults?   

       [plish] what doo yu meen? what ded i spel wrang.
the fiddler, Mar 11 2006
  

       Your petty triflings do not amuse Us. Silence, all of you, as We pass judgment.   

       Craziness, We command you to read the help file. It's not that bad of a read, if you ask Us.   

       Every one else: do something else. Craziness is a young hothead like We were/are/whatever. Any criticism is viewed as a direct attack. That is the generation X credo. Just go read one of Our amusing and amazing inventions instead. You will develop a warm fuzzy feeling incomparable to any other warm fuzziness that can be found inside Our universe.
notmarkflynn, Mar 11 2006
  

       <sends doctor around to [notmarkflynn]s' houses.
hidden truths, Mar 11 2006
  

       [+] The plate could weigh the food. Replace the keyboard with a few choice buttons. This would be useful for the diabetic.
pashute, Mar 11 2006
  

       //[it would] administer an electrical shock when you picked up your fork//   

       Because it seems that this idea is centered around physical punishment and deprivation, shouldn't the electroshock feature have been included in the original text?
jellydoughnut, Mar 12 2006
  

       forgot to add it
craziness, Mar 15 2006
  

       I got a laugh out of this.
quantum_flux, Oct 28 2007
  
      
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