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I CAN HAZ CROISSANTZ?
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People slipping on banana skins is a staple of English and
American humour, and is the only government-approved
in post-reunification Germany.
Sadly, however, genuine banana skin accidents are quite
these days. This is partly because people are more litter-
because we eat less fruit, and partly
because lawsuit-conscious councils keep the streets
Proposed hereby, therefore, is a Banana Rink.
The Banana Rink is an ice-rink-sized arena, whose floor
consists of a finely perforated steel sheet. Powerful fans
a vacuum through the perforations.
Instead of the ice-rink's Zamboni, the Banana Rink employs
Bananaboni. This wondrous machine carries a large hopper
full of fresh banana skins, reclaimed from the large
banana-peeling factories found in most major cities.
The skins fall from the hopper into the machinery, where a
blade stamps out long, narrow diamond shapes from each
piece of skin. The surplus material is incinerated on board
the machine, providing power.
The cut skins are then fed to a conveyer mechanism, which
carefully synched with the machine's forward movement.
Each diamond-shaped piece is dropped onto the vacuum
at exactly the right position, and buttered-side-up, creating
perfectly-tiled, seamless banana-skin mosaic.
Conventional ice skates are not permitted on the Banana
Rink: not only do they provide too much side-to-side grip,
they will also bruise and damage the skins. Instead, Banana
Skates have smooth steel blades, up-curved at the edges
about an inch wide, to attain optimal griplessness.
||I never use butter on my bananas anymore. Too dangerous.
||It's the skins you're meant to butter, not that bananas themselves, silly.
||Will this result in lots of Germans falling over backwards and smashing the back of their heads on an extremely hard, unyielding surface ?
||Yes, as long as someone can persuade lots of Germans
to walk onto the rink. Whether you define a thin
layer of banana skin over a steel sheet as "unyielding"
is a moot point.
||Either you're clueless about the existing banana skin market or you simply don't care that your proposal will drive up prices to the point that b-skinz (as they're known on the street) will be the subject of rampant gang warfare and the resulting needless prolonging of the war on drugs. Do a little research next time.
||I did my research. The bananaboni has one seat for
the driver, but also three passenger seats located
around the chimney on the firebox where the skin
trimmings are burnt. Places for the gullible on these
seats sell for a premium.
||// Do a little research next time. //
||This is the HalfBakery ... research is something that happens out
there in dirtspace ...
||Not only are bananas endangered, but Mythbusters did something very much like this, without the ingenious skates. Still, the first paragragh made me peal like a banged-on banana, so [+]
||//lots of Germans falling over backwards//
||Left off the Koenigswinter Conference guest list yet again, [8th]?
||We didn't want to go anyway. But it would have been nice to have the
opportunity to decline. Sniff.
||It was pants. The standard of canapés continues to
fall year by year. As always, they ply you with
endless champagne in the hopes that you won't
notice, but frankly their catering needs a complete
||Develop an all terrain Bananaboni, and you could "Follow the yellow buttered and banana-ed road."
||Come on Dorothy whata ya got to lose ?
||Interestingly, the whole 'slipping on a banana skin' thing is a
product of the film era, and prior to that, cartoons. It is a
formalised polite form of what it really denotes - a person
slipping over on dogshit (or any shit, really). Slipping on
shit is not acceptable for portraying in mass media, so the
shorthand substitute of a banana skin is used in place,
giving rise to the quaint perspective that there were an
awful lot of banana skins lying around on the streets back