Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Battlebrella

Just like an umbrella, only safer.
  (+8)(+8)
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An umbrella, with reinforced ribs, a range of camouflage patterns and Aramid/Kevlar fabric, under which a soldier, journalist or non-combatant might shield their person during times of war, violence and anarchy.

Dig a foxhole and open the Battlebrella over oneself to create a small, unobtrusive, water-, bullet- and shrapnel- proof** tent.

**(For those expecting to be engaged by hostiles wielding personal arms with calibres greater than 7mm or with muzzle velocities exceeding 2000ft/s, we can offer a range of borosilicate and silicon carbide reinforced plates, that can be slipped inside the pockets under the Battlebrella's canopy, to enhance your sense of personal safety.)

Like water off a PanzerDuck's back.

UnaBubba, Apr 27 2012

HK kevlar mask http://www.kittyhel...llet-proof-mask.jpg
[not_morrison_rm, Apr 27 2012]

If Dupont makes it, you know it must be good. http://images.icanh...673627876298231.jpg
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Apr 27 2012]

Umbrayonette https://picasaweb.g...5468873128201554338
[xenzag, Apr 27 2012]

[link]






       Burgess Meredith would be proud... needs a pole-mortar that shoots brella-flares, and an integral groundsheet.
FlyingToaster, Apr 27 2012
  

       Not bad, but kevlar is only bullet-resistant when there are many layers, and less so when it's stretched taut.
Alterother, Apr 27 2012
  

       We can offer a package of optional ceramic silicon carbide plates to slip into the internal pockets, if you want to carry them.
UnaBubba, Apr 27 2012
  

       I'll take two, then. Does it come Coyote Brown?
Alterother, Apr 27 2012
  

       Coyote Brown, Tactical Black (very popular), DPM, DPCU, MARPAT, TACAM, ABU, OCP, Lizard, Type 99, ACU, Multicam, AOR1, AOR2, Woodland Digital, ERDL, TNI, M04, Ghillie... and special orders, to your spec.
UnaBubba, Apr 27 2012
  

       //less so when it's stretched taut// spring steel ribs should temporarily deform rather neatly
FlyingToaster, Apr 27 2012
  

       That would help. Kevlar works best when it's allowed to freely deform as loose cloth does, second best when resin- impregnated (under impact the resin fragments/pulverizes and the textile deforms as normal). I'm not saying it wouldn't work when stretched, just not as well (more theorizing, actually).   

       // Ghillie // would have been my next request, though I like to make my own.
Alterother, Apr 27 2012
  

       If the structure was built as a quaternary tree (like a binary tree but moreso) with the very ends of the branches sticking directly into the kevlar layers... though (also theorizing) I don't see why spring or sprung ribbing shouldn't work: say enough deformation to stop a bullet within 6" travel.
FlyingToaster, Apr 27 2012
  

       The words "stop a bullet"* aside, that's pretty clever. Better would be a mechanism that allows the panel to go completely slack (within a limited range of travel) when struck.   

       * Because they're prone to start an argument. You failed to specify caliber, type, weapon fired from, range, wind velocity, rhinoceros proximity, etc.
Alterother, Apr 27 2012
  

       //You failed to specify...// I didn't have to; see post: shrug off assault-rifle fire and bulk up for battle-rifle situations.
FlyingToaster, Apr 27 2012
  

       Assault rifle fire will go through kevlar like paper. The best it can handle on its own is a large-caliber handgun (yes I see the bit about the plates).
Alterother, Apr 27 2012
  

       From the title, I assumed this was some kind of 'Barbarella'-themed sexy combat robot.
hippo, Apr 27 2012
  

       //You failed to specify ...rhinoceros proximity,   

       or little men. Shockingly remiss.   

       Anyway, if you could do in Hello Kitty pink you could a two for one deal with the Hello Kitty kevlar mask. I should change for these great ideas...
not_morrison_rm, Apr 27 2012
  

       I'm waiting for the reactive BattleBrella, for protection against RPGs (the GrenadeGamp?)
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Apr 27 2012
  

       I was thinking of making it reactive or Chobham-type but figured the issue of the weight penalty would attract too much criticism from you lot.
UnaBubba, Apr 27 2012
  

       They had one of these in the horrid 'Johnny English: Reborn' flick. Waste of an hour forty-five, it was.
RayfordSteele, Apr 27 2012
  

       [+] This might also be used in questionable neighbohoods even when it's not raining. (raining bullets?)
xandram, Apr 27 2012
  

       33 ideas in 18 days...
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 27 2012
  

       Yeah, must be a slow month
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Apr 27 2012
  

       Making up for lost time. He's had four years to think up this stuff.
Alterother, Apr 27 2012
  

       To be honest, I'm a little worried about flooding the place... there don't seem to be many active users these days. I'm trying to "trickle" the ideas out, a few at a time. Trouble with that is that you keep forgetting the ones you don't post.
UnaBubba, Apr 27 2012
  

       //I'm trying to "trickle" the ideas out//   

       You mean "squeeze", shirley?   

       //you keep forgetting the ones you don't post.//   

       Could you ask the nurse for a notepad and crayon?
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 27 2012
  

       No crayons since I ate the last lot. Rainbow shit for three days.
UnaBubba, Apr 27 2012
  

       //there don't seem to be many active users these days//   

       Yeah. I wonder what happened to [Zanzibar], for example.
pertinax, Apr 28 2012
  
      
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