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Bible of Biblical Proportions

Hollywood enters God’s house
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In my mind I am picturing this in a Catholic Church, but I think it could work for just about any religion’s place of worship…

The idea is to build an enormous bible that can be propped up in front of the congregation. It would have all the proper dimensions, (well, the thickness/durability of the pages may have to be increased) but from the outside, it would appear to be a normal bible, just 15 times larger. There would even be a number of huge ribbons sewn into the binding of the book with which to mark your place. The difference is on the inside. The pages of the Biblical Bible do not contain huge words, as one would expect, but rather each sheet is painted with scenery. You just turn to the proper page, flip on the projector, and sit back as Jesus comes alive before your very eyes.*

When the Biblical Bible system is installed correctly, the image of the characters** is projected onto the scenery and the priest can relax as the prerecorded parables entertain and enlighten the worshipers/audience. Just make sure to match the proper videocassette with the page number, and during the viewing, don’t forget to turn the page at the sound of the bell.

Lord knows I'd want to check it out at least once. It could make church a bit more entertaining to watch reenactments of the stories rather than have them read to you. And of course, jokers could nudge the projector so that Jesus would be walking on water at all times, or so that the flames of the burning bush appear on the table of the last supper instead

Any suggestions for a better category?

*This is not the Second Coming of the Lord. Jesus is not actually resurrected. ** Jesus available in multiple races (Italian, Irish, Polish, Nigerian …). Ask your sales rep for details on special ordering.

luecke, Dec 03 2003

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       The Jesus film project on a big screen?
RayfordSteele, Dec 03 2003
  

       Finally something for athiests to protest! ... was begining to wonder if the tides were ever gonna turn.
Letsbuildafort, Dec 03 2003
  

       Fantasy casting for Jesuses:
British: Terry-Thomas
Generic Central European: Peter Lorre
Irish: Shane McGowan
Italian: Frankie Dettori
USA: Ted Danson
calum, Dec 03 2003
  

       Have you seen Ted lately? Without makeup or hairpiece? Not a pretty sight.
thumbwax, Dec 03 2003
  

       Yeah, I was talking to him the other day, with Roy in the boozer. Ted's a good lad, if a bit pleased with himself. But not wearing so well, as you say. Stands his round and that's what really matters isn't it? Mary's lovely, too. Not much of a drinker but that's probably for the best. Two cointreau and lemonades and that's her. Very sensible. Lovely eyes. Ted though, what a star. Did I tell you about the time he bought the one of Bulgarian digital alarm clock teamakers that Wee Davie fae Ra Drum was offloading?
calum, Dec 03 2003
  

       I'll wait and get a home version at Best Buy. No more getting up early on Sunday morning.
toiyabe, Dec 03 2003
  

       Mmmmm....but what happens if the priest plays the wrong videotape by accident, and the congregation are treated to Stud Farm 3?
suctionpad, Dec 03 2003
  

       bun for the disclaimers.
ato_de, Dec 03 2003
  

       What would the background picture be for the bit when God is supposed to create the universe?
dobtabulous, Dec 04 2003
  

       That's the easy bit [dob] - harder bits are Ezekiel or Revelation. And the laws in Leviticus and Deuteronomy would be tricky too. The "begatting" sequences would probably guarantee a huge audience.
PeterSilly, Dec 04 2003
  

       It'd be the Revelation that'd be most spectacular - drop some acid, lie back and enjoy...
saker, Dec 04 2003
  

       [PeterSilly] - easy? The philosophical debate about what might have existed prior to the universe (and hence what would have to be depcited on the background image for the creation story) has been raging since creation-theories were...er...created. If you have solved this I would love to hear about it.   

       During the Noah's Ark fable you could arrange for the sprinklers to come on for the whole sensory experience. I think I'd skip the plagues in the Exodus stuff though.
dobtabulous, Dec 04 2003
  

       I think the entire room would be dark until "...And then there was light!" at which point a blindingly bright lamp would shine into the eyes of the audience, preventing them from seeing what may have existed prior to the universe
luecke, Dec 04 2003
  

       Excellent suggestion luecke - you are obviously an experienced theologian!   

       Alternatively, just before the blinding flash, the lights come up ever-so-slightly for just long-enough for some observers to see the picture of Buddha, sitting cross-legged and winking with a grin on his face....
dobtabulous, Dec 04 2003
  

       Category: Business, service. We need to talk about a joint venture.
oxen crossing, Dec 04 2003
  

       [luecke] suggested what I had envisaged.
PeterSilly, Dec 05 2003
  

       You get my vote just for the title.
hippo, Dec 05 2003
  

       Once a friend of mine was working as a visiting scholar in Denmark. I asked him if he could send me a copy of the Bible in Danish. After a few weeks, he reported that he had yet to see one smaller than an unabridged dictionary.
LoriZ, Dec 05 2003
  
      
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