Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Blitz Barbeque

Grill guarantees lightning-fast charred chow.
 
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This backyard blitz barbeque is perfect for the patient chef. Rig it, take cover and wait. The whole neighborhood will marvel when, after a flash of lightning and a crash of thunder, the air is filled with the aroma of smoked hickory and spitted duck.

The grill itself is of a simple design: a lightning rod (a 30m mast antenna supported by insulated guy wires) leading to two grids (or a spit similar to a hickory pencil) joined by a thick copper cable to a buried ground plate. You simply insert the marinated meat, don the enclosed earplugs and rubber, platform flip flops, hang the non-toxic fire extinguisher on your belt, throw the switch and retreat with pets to a safe distance. Impatient cooks with hungry guests will want to invest in the kite/balloon-suspended 100m copper wire option that connects to the lightning rod.

FarmerJohn, Jun 25 2002

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       Is there a setting anywhere between "completely raw" and "hot ashes" ? We don't think so ..... the plasma will burn everything it touches to a crisp, leaving the untouched portions raw. We think. We have test rig that can do something pretty close to this in our EMC lab. We'll call in at Tescos at lunchtime and get half a pound of sausages........
8th of 7, Jun 25 2002
  

       Oh, I forgot to tell you about the setting in between "still breathing" and "cremated". Anyway, like a lot of BBQ fare, it'll probably end up taking a detour in the microwave. Anxiously awaiting the results of your experiment.
FarmerJohn, Jun 25 2002
  

       FarmerJohn: That was one hell of a damnfool idea you came up with. The test chamber now reeks of burnt sausages and there were little bits of fat spattered all over the walls. We have used 3 entire rolls of paper towels cleaning up. As a rule of thumb - at 50kV, the sausage gets black track marks all over it and bits fly off. The smell is awful. At 75kV and a higher current setting, they just explode instantly. Spectacularly. Burgers just spatter everywhere at the first hit. We didn't try the steak or the lamb chop. Lightning is a lot more powerful than that, too. We would send you an entire sodding whale skeleton if the technology existed to do so. Yes, we know the whale is a mammal. We're just trying to make a point.   

       All we can suggest is that you rig up your blessed lighting powered barbequeue and then go sit on the thing. Purely in the spirit of scientific investigation, you understand.
8th of 7, Jun 25 2002
  

       Wreckless overkill: excellent. Have a charred croissant.
stupop, Jun 25 2002
  

       OK, OK 8-7 I'll try it out as soon as I can find my platform flip flops. Don't blame me, I told you it would spit duck.
FarmerJohn, Jun 26 2002
  

       May we respectfully suggest that you refile this idea in the "Weapons" category, or perhaps under "Assisted Suicide" ?
8th of 7, Jun 26 2002
  

       Do you think there might, perhaps, be a way of combining a microwave for quick and thorough cooking, with a blast of good ol'fashioned fire for a grilled taste?
polartomato, Jun 27 2002
  

       UnaBubba: Sorry, but even we are smart enough not to try that one, tempting though it is......
8th of 7, Jun 27 2002
  

       //non-toxic fire extinguisher//   

       Water.
ImBack, Jan 29 2003
  
      
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