h a l f b a k e r yFree set of rusty screwdrivers if you order now.
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This backyard blitz barbeque is perfect for the patient chef. Rig it, take cover and wait. The whole neighborhood will marvel when, after a flash of lightning and a crash of thunder, the air is filled with the aroma of smoked hickory and spitted duck.
The grill itself is of a simple design: a lightning
rod (a 30m mast antenna supported by insulated guy wires) leading to two grids (or a spit similar to a hickory pencil) joined by a thick copper cable to a buried ground plate. You simply insert the marinated meat, don the enclosed earplugs and rubber, platform flip flops, hang the non-toxic fire extinguisher on your belt, throw the switch and retreat with pets to a safe distance. Impatient cooks with hungry guests will want to invest in the kite/balloon-suspended 100m copper wire option that connects to the lightning rod.
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Is there a setting anywhere between "completely raw" and "hot ashes" ? I don't think so ..... the plasma will burn everything it touches to a crisp, leaving the untouched portions raw. I think. We have test rig that can do something pretty close to this in our EMC lab. I'll call in at Tescos at lunctime and get half a pound of sausages........ |
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Oh, I forgot to tell you about the setting in between "still breathing" and "cremated". Anyway, like a lot of BBQ fare, it'll probably end up taking a detour in the microwave. Anxiously awaiting the results of your experiment. |
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FarmerJohn: That was one hell of a damnfool idea you came up with. The test chamber now reeks of burnt sausages and there were little bits of fat spattered all over the walls. I have used 3 entire rolls of paper towels cleaning up. As a rule of thumb - at 50kV, the sausage gets black track marks all over it and bits fly off. The smell is awful. At 75kV and a higher current setting, they just explode instantly. Spectacularly. Burgers just spatter everywhere at the first hit. We didn't try the steak or the lamb chop. Lightning is a lot more powerful than that, too. I would send you an entire sodding whale skeleton if the technology existed to do so. Yes, I know the whale is a mammal. I'm just trying to make a point. |
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All I can suggest is that you rig up your blessed lighting powered barbequeue and then go sit on the thing. Purely in the spirit of scientific investigation, you understand. |
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Wreckless overkill: excellent. Have a charred croissant. |
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OK, OK 8-7 I'll try it out as soon as I can find my platform flip flops. Don't blame me, I told you it would spit duck. |
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May I respectfully suggest that you refile this idea in the "Weapons" category, or perhaps under "Assisted Suicide" ? |
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Do you think there might, perhaps, be a way of combining a microwave for quick and thorough cooking, with a blast of good ol'fashioned fire for a grilled taste? |
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Yep.
1. Lay a microwave on its back, with the door open.
2. Fill the microwave with napalm.
3. Suspend a chicken drumstick about 18in above it from a wire.
4. Detonate from a safe distance.
5. Recover chicken drumstick, pumping the smoke into a sealed can. |
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Viola!, smoked chicken drumstick. |
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UnaBubba: Sorry, but even I am smart enough not to try that one, tempting though it is...... |
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//non-toxic fire extinguisher// |
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