Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Evil hybrid of leaf blower and bagpipes
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A new musical instrument, which is an evil hybrid of a gas-powered leaf blower and a set of bagpipes. Like the bagpipes or alpenhorn, it's less a musical instrument than a weapon of psychological warfare. Take a leaf blower, and duct the engine exhaust into the blower tube if it isn't already. (Works best with a 2-stroke; if it's a four-stroke engine be sure to bypass the muffler.) Now drill holes in the blower tube at (in-)harmonic intervals and add a saxophone-like key/pad assembly to make it playable. Or use an old bassoon. Adding some drone pipes and a sousaphone bell completes the package.

The skilled blowerphonist regulates the engine speed as a cantus firmus in (dis-)harmony with the melody played on the tube. A new instrument for parades, martial gatherings, and landscaping.

rmutt, Sep 28 2000

P.D.Q. Bach http://www.presser.com/pdqbach.html
Wrote scores for instruments such as the Tromboon and Windbreaker [rmutt, Sep 28 2000, last modified Oct 04 2004]

The People's Choice Music http://www.diacenter.org/km/musiccd.html
Artists Komar & Melamid produced paintings and, with composer Dave Soldier, songs based on detailed surveys of which individual features people wanted / disliked. Bagpipes tied with accordion for Least Wanted Instrument. [jutta, Sep 28 2000]

Russolo's "Art of Noises" http://www.obsolete...t/art_of_noise.html
"Let us cross a great modern capital with our ears more alert than our eyes, and we will get enjoyment from distinguishing the eddying of water, air and gas in metal pipes, the grumbling of noises that breathe and pulse with indisputable animality, the palpitation of valves, the coming and going of pistons, the howl of mechanical saws, the jolting of a tram on its rails, the cracking of whips, the flapping of curtains and flags." [rmutt, Sep 28 2000, last modified Oct 04 2004]

Steam Trombone http://query.nytime...16&sq=tubin&st=cse#
"The very notion of a steam trombone makes humanity shudder." [rmutt, Dec 12 2010]


       (Peter is probably replying to an earlier, now deleted annotation of mine suggesting integrating cell phones and screaming children. But the union of just bagpipes and leafblowers has a certain charme that transcends mere cacaphonia.)
jutta, Sep 28 2000

       Tram? Whips? Must have been San Francisco.
ping, Sep 28 2000

       Written in 1913. Clearly Luigi was a man before his time. How he would have loved car alarms and sonic booms! [BTW Jutta: great K&M link. I hadn't seen the "least favorite" paintings, which I of course love.]
rmutt, Sep 28 2000, last modified Sep 29 2000

       I got to see P.D.Q. Bach perform in 1986. My Pop had 3 PDQ reel to reels and it was a pleasure to see and hear Peter Schickele. You can get bagpipes on ebay although my girlfriend said "No" a couple of weeks ago. Aye, It's in me blood. I wonder if she'll let me get a sewer flute?
thumbwax, Sep 28 2000, last modified Sep 29 2000

       Anything that involves a bassoon is pure genius. :-D
rebekkahshiri, Sep 30 2000

       Would anybody want to help me turn my furnace into a Pyrophone (flame organ)??
Mr_Thundercleese, Mar 09 2002

       I could never think of any better use for a leaf blower, it's nothing short of briliant.   

       Your idea would make Russolo proud.
Mr_Thundercleese, Mar 09 2002

       I read somewhere (think it was serious) that the EU is looking at forbidding musical instruments that make too much noise. No more cymbals; no more bagpipes.
supercat, Mar 09 2002

       Does that mean no more Diaphones?
Mr_Thundercleese, Mar 09 2002

       I've been meaning to learn to play the theremin, but the blowerphone's got it beat for pure evil, I'll give it that.
cpt kangarooski, Mar 09 2002

       I do'n know about bagpipes but I know that if you attach a paint roller to the blowin' end of the blower and stick a roll of toilet paper on the paint roller. It make a wonderful party streamer device. Great for all family get togethers(Except funerals)
foolandhismoney, Jun 20 2002

       I made a flame throwing pipe organ. Video clips (large) at http://www.tamucc.edu/~lkatz/cs requires quicktime.
lkatz, Jun 29 2004

       Bit weird and not quite as original as I'd hope but with a little more baking you'd have a great idea their!
Flying Doom Squid, Aug 29 2007


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