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Bog Roll Alarm

Tells you when there isn't any toilet roll
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I'm sure that everyone has been in the situation where they've gone to the loo and found to their horror that there is no toilet paper. Instances like this could be reduced considerably if: i) loo paper was regularly put into public cubicles ii) people didn't nick it or use it in a wasteful manner (i.e. blocking the loo) iii) public cubicles had Bog Roll Alarms, voice alarms which said something like "this cubicle has no bog roll, please use another one," thereby saving individuals from embarrassment and time wasting. This could also be installed for home use.
Miss Weston Smith, Sep 18 2001

(?) Travel Bidet http://www.pagedepot.com/magicjohn/b3.htm
You never need carry a toilet roll again. [pottedstu, Sep 18 2001, last modified Oct 21 2004]

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       Nice, but I've a more pressing need. My friend's flatmate keeps letting the toilet paper unravel and droop from the roll onto the floor, where it collects in an untidy pile.   

       Myself and my friend had considered a wide variety of techniques for solving this problem, including various methods for naming and shaming said girl, or complex machinery to re-roll the paper (but re-rolled paper never looks as tidy). But all we need is an alarm that'll detect when the roll unravels far enough to reach the floor.   

       Either run a magnetic strip thru the paper to complete contacts on the floor or use some clever scales that'll respond to the light weight of toilet paper but not respond to small flatmates stepping on them.   

       This device will also help save large amounts of toilet paper, which can be shipped to the third world and used to manufacture flood defences and advertising billboards for struggling telecommunications companies.
pottedstu, Sep 18 2001
  

       //re-rolled paper never looks as tidy//

Considering what you're about to do with it, pottedstu, I'd have thought that a concern about the tidiness of your toilet roll is somewhat misplaced.
DrBob, Sep 18 2001
  

       Just put the Andrex puppy into reverse. Put the puppies tail into a hole in the middle of the toliet roll holder drum and use the body of the puppy to turn it round in the appropriate direction to wind up the paper.
Miss Weston Smith, Sep 18 2001
  

       A quick 1/2bakery search on 'toilet' reveals a frighteningly large number of occurrences. I mention it merely for informational purposes. Draw your own conclusions folks.
DrBob, Sep 18 2001
  

       DrBob, if we didn't care about how our bathrooms looked, we'd just wipe our backsides on the carpet.
pottedstu, Sep 18 2001
  

       [pottedstu], I don't care what *my* bathroom looks like, so I leave the cap off the toothpaste. Your suggestion is a bit extreme, methinks...   

       As for [MWS]'s original idea, can we link it to the cupboard, so I can know when the current roll is empty, and when I haven't got a square in the house?
MrWrong, Sep 18 2001
  

       Mr Wrong you are completely right. I had the same thought myself when faced with the dilema which inspired the idea. POTTEDSTU: there is a difference between how a bathroom looks and hygene. Bathroom carpets are expensive to replace and I'd sacrifice untidy toilet roll for clean carpet. Besides, with your idea you'd be completely buggered if you had wood floors.
Miss Weston Smith, Sep 18 2001
  

       This idea does not work well if you live by yourself (unless you've lost a few marbles), but you could keep an emergency replacement roll stashed in the toilet tank in a waterproof plastic bag. Roommates and guests would never think to look there! As for public facilities, I suggest you look before you leap. You know, once bitten and all that crap. : )   

       pottedstu: how about an infra-red transmitter/receiver sensor unit (like the ones that ring a chime when you walk into a store) that locks the roll when the space between them is blocked by the cascading reams of paper?   

       UnaBubba - can we 1/2b a steam-driven (methane-driven?) reciprocating butt-splinter-removal machine?
Canuck, Sep 19 2001
  

       Miss Weston Smith, returning to your original idea, why have a fire alarm when you could have a house that never burns down?   

       What we need are solutions to ensure toilet paper in public toilets never runs out. I've seen a couple of ideas. Really big rolls are nice, but run out eventually. Toilet roll dispensers in which the free end of the roll disappears never to be seen again are effective but useless.   

       My idea is dual toilet roll dispensers. And to ensure people empty one before going on to the other, we need to ensure that it's easier to pull from the empty one than the full one. Then maintenance people or cleaners can visit, and replace an empty roll whilst we guarantee there is still a nearly-full roll in the other holder.   

       Thus I suggest a system of pulleys and counterweights to move a roll nearer to the user the emptier it is. In contrast, a system which encourages people to use each roll equally will only result in a cubicle with 2 empty rolls.   

       Alternatively, I believe you could carry a portable bidet with you, and never worry about toilet paper again (see link). It was searching the web for info on bidets that first brought me to .5B, so this is kinda circular.
pottedstu, Sep 19 2001
  

       Pottedstu: I think that the idea of having, what is essentially, a spare toilet roll although it may be harder to get at is already baked. Rotational toilet roll holders that contain three rolls are already common place. Perhaps we should go more towards your idea of wiping your arse on the carpet. You have rolls of towels to dry your hands with, so why not make an automatic toilet roll roll? What you'd have is a strip of towel/paper on a kind of pulley system, you wipe your bum, the roll senses that you have done so and pulls up the soiled towel into a back compartment leaving clean paper for the next person to use. In this back compartment the towel could be thoroughly cleaned and dried and carry on through to complete the circuit eventually. This would involve maintenance but would be less hassle and you could always guarantee toilet roll.   

       Regarding the bidet idea: women carry enough in their handbags without having to take bidets everywhere they go. Maybe taking a wad of tissue with you would be easier. You'd think that i'd be devaluing my own idea, but I don't own a handbag and women's clothes rarely have pockets.
Miss Weston Smith, Sep 19 2001
  

       Just had a look at the Travel Bidet. Puhleeeaassseee! You might as well drip-dry where you are!
Miss Weston Smith, Sep 19 2001
  

       I think we should do away with shit tickets completely and follow the example of many parts of Asia where you're simply supplied with a tap, hose, bucket, and bowl. Bog roll is bad for the environment.
stupop, Sep 19 2001
  

       Miss Weston Smith: my advance is far more than a spare toilet roll, it's a toilet roll management system. And that has to be worth money, notwithstanding any actual merits.
pottedstu, Sep 19 2001
  

       [DrBob] Quite right - "toilet" is terribly vulgar. Why can't people use the word "loo"?
hippo, Sep 19 2001
  

       Quite.
DrBob, Sep 19 2001
  

       My apologies to Pottedstu I had not read your idea carefully enough. Dr.Bob and Hippo: I've always thought that watercloset (not WC) has been an underused name, lavatory also seems to have gone out of fashion.
Miss Weston Smith, Sep 19 2001
  

       Most of the time folks drop by the crapper to whiz, so the used paper has plenty of time to dry. City folk just get so blessed lazy about rinsing it off the first time, I suppose they never had to walk to the edge (farther every day) of the woods over by the river.
reensure, Sep 22 2001
  

       MWS Why not charge for the forementioned public WC toilet say 10p a Sheet (or shit depending on how generous you care to be!) The problem would thus be solved as people would either a)drip/dry dry or b) use there undies. The majority of people using such facilities would have to be drunk or of their trolley's to use them anyway.
Miss Eastern Jones, Jan 09 2002
  

       I think the ultimate solution to this is, rather than relying on people going to the shops, buying loo roll (sorry, watercloset roll) remembering to stock up their loo, etc., etc. loo roll should be distributed as a utility from a central manufacturing plant. So, in the same way that your house is connected to water, sewage, electricity and gas utilities, it would also be conected to the loo roll utility. Any time you want some, just pull a bit out of the loo roll tap.
hippo, Jan 09 2002
  

       I agree with the obvious idea of simply keeping plenty in stock.... we usually keep a couple of spares at least.   

       RE: The suggestion on the 2 rolls with the seconds not being accesible until the first is empty... we already have those in the uk... many pubs (Bars) have them.   

       It would make sense, however, if in public toilets the paper dispensers would have some clear indicator to show that they were empty, as many dispensers conceal the paper from view. (To stop people urinating on it or setting fire to it.)   

       Ultimatly the best solution is always to keep plenty in stock. Most reputable drinking establishments in the UK will check, clean and refill the toilets twice daily. A lot of them now do it hourly. Problem solved.
CasaLoco, Jan 09 2002
  

       re: your irritating partner bliss, have him stuffed, dress the result in a crinoline frock and bonnet, stick him in the bathroom and hide the loo rolls under the big skirt.
po, Jan 09 2002
  

       If the truth be known and given, in regard to household use it is genereally the men who are to blame. It seems they have a fascination with excess usage. My brother has even admitted he likes to pull the end as hard as he can like an Andrex puppy in a rush! There should be advice given on amount per seating i.e. 2 sheets for number ones, and 4 for number twos AND instructions to fold rather than scruntch this im sure would make each roll more economical!!
Miss Eastern Jones, Jan 12 2002
  

       why don't you cut up old newspaper into squares and hang it in the bathroom on a piece of string?
po, Jan 12 2002
  

       What's needed is some sort of continuous-feed towel system, like those cloth hand-towels you see every once in awhile. When the whole thing is brown, replace the towel.   

       'Course you'd have to decorate the restroom to go with brown stripes...
RayfordSteele, Feb 20 2002
  

       TP teleporter.
phoenix, Feb 20 2002
  

       came across an interesting device in a public restroom recently, Pottedstu, I think it would take care of your friend roomate's problem. It it a spring loaded device that grips the toilet paper roll, allowing it to only turn twice, thus forcing you to break the paper and pull again. it makes it virtually impossible to accidentally unravel the tp
senatorjam, Jul 15 2002
  
      
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