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C.L.A.D. (cat laser army drones)

the wonderful thing about tiggers...
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"Sir, it nears 2400 hours, the enemy has been sighted, and the drones are ready to launch .

"Explain again how you expect to keep that horde out of our city with us outmanned and outgunned Major.

"Sir, when the attacks began much of our grid was destroyed. Many places had auxiliary power but the San Diego zoo has been without power for five days now." I have modified the drones by removing the armaments and replacing them with conventional laser pointers, I've programmed them to detect muzzle flash and trajectory and to deviate the point of light to not coincide with incoming fire." "There is no way human reflexes would be fast enough to follow the course changes, but these are Lions, Tigers, and Jaguars sir, most of them should make it to their trenches... and they haven't eaten in five days."

"Good God man! I almost pity them... launch the drones and blow the cages."


Tiger and laser pointer. https://www.youtube...watch?v=Jvsa2kzXRqI
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Apr 06 2018]

Just another short story ... Maizechinegun
[normzone, Apr 07 2018]

[link]






       Curiosity killed the enemy...   

       I wonder how much interest lions, tigers, and jaguars would take in a laser pointer. I suspect they'll be sleeping much of the time. Maybe some cougars?   

       Hopefully these drones have some ability to dodge incoming fire?
RayfordSteele, Apr 06 2018
  

       "Sir, I regret to have to inform you of failure.   

       "What! explain yourself Major.   

       "I can report over 90% success for the cats reaching the enemy trenches sir, however, it seems we neglected to include a cut out on the laser pointers & the cats appear to find the wiggly points of light of more interest than the enemy soldiers sir, accept one that's found a ball of wool, we're a little confused by that one sir, the inquiry to find out who's responsible for the wool is still ongoing sir, but I digress, unfortunately it does appear that as a result enemy casualties have in fact been zero sir.   

       "Well just turn the pointers off then.   

       "We can't sir, we disabled the remotes & set the drones on autopilot so the enemy couldn't jam them, in hindsight that might have been a mistake.   

       "I thought you said they hadn't been fed.   

       "Yes sir, I've sent someone to ask the keeper about that.   

       "My god man what are we going to do!   

       "I'm afraid that's not all sir.   

       "What! you mean there's more?   

       "Yes sir, and it's worse, it seems we timed things a little poorly, the animals arrived just as they were going over the top for a big push, if anything the cats in their trenches appear to be encouraging them to run towards us faster & they're experiencing fewer desertions than might normally be expected, nowhere to run away to you see with the cats behind them sir.   

       "Why not, you just said the damn cats aren't interested in them.   

       "Yes but they don't know that do they sir, would you stop to check it wasn't interested if you had a lion behind you?   

       "Well no I suppose not.   

       "It rather looks like the command tent is going to be overrun within the next two minutes sir.   

       "Well you'd better pass the bloody port then hadn't you Major, can't have the blighters getting their hands on that.
Skewed, Apr 06 2018
  

       ^ I knew that was you... either you or dddropdeadly. You guys wouldn't be the same person would you?   

       // I wonder how much interest lions, tigers, and jaguars would take in a laser pointer. I suspect they'll be sleeping much of the time. Maybe some cougars?//   

       Seems to depend on the cat. I imagine that hungry cats are more inclined to chase things. [link]   

       //Hopefully these drones have some ability to dodge incoming fire?//   

       That's the beauty of lasers. The drones can hover safely out of range. They would also weigh substantially less, and so be able to maneuver much faster, than specs would indicate so, as long as they maintain what appears to be a defensive-border position, there's a good chance they and the hungry cats would be ignored until it becomes too uh...   

       <places pinky finger alongside mouth whilst raising one eyebrow>   

       ...mewsing.   

       //hungry cats are more inclined to chase things//   

       Target assignment is going to be a huge problem. Many cats can easily chase the same laser pointer. But if you were to get the cats to wear LCD shutter goggles, the whole pack could chase one dot up to the trenches before the multiplexed time-slicing begins.   

       Using 10 timeslices, 5 could be assigned to daylight with no laser dot active. The remaining 5 timeslices assigned to 5 targets and subgroups of cats. Seeing the smaller groups peel off the pack at the last moment would be cool to watch.
bigsleep, Apr 06 2018
  

       //wouldn't be the same person would you?//   

       Heavens no!   

       You do realize this only works once don't you?   

       "They've released the cats again general.   

       "Deploy the special anti cat grenades sergeant!   

       [cue a volley of large balls of wool with a temptingly loose thread dangling from each & grenades sans pins tucked inside]
Skewed, Apr 07 2018
  

       //You do realize this only works once don't you?//   

       "It only had to work once, that's the beauty of a bodge Corporal. What's left of the city has been saved, the enemy was wiped out to a man so the tactic remains unknown, the cats have been rounded up and stomach-pumped. We leave for Las Angeles at O nine hundred!"   

       //Las Angeles//   

       Where is this place? Never heard of it.
RayfordSteele, Apr 07 2018
  

       Try prounouncing it "Laaaas Anjlss". It's South of Sun Frnsescow, and a long way West of Noo Joysey.
8th of 7, Apr 07 2018
  

       Oh, you mean nearish to San Vegas and Los Diego?
RayfordSteele, Apr 07 2018
  

       "If they make it as far as Voncouver we'll let the cougars have their way with them."   

       " I suspect they'll be sleeping much of the time. Maybe some cougars? "   

       Ahh, cougars ...God bless 'em, every one.
normzone, Apr 07 2018
  

       But not Quagaars.
Ian Tindale, Apr 08 2018
  

       One of my grandfathers was assisted by lions during the Second World War. Part of his job was to help guard prisoners of war in East Africa, and one reason why none of them ever tried to escape was that they all preferred to be on that side of the wire where the lions were not.
pertinax, Apr 08 2018
  
      
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