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Cat for a day

While i'm on the subject of cats...
 
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Cats have it good right... Granted they eat shite food, but they seem to enjoy it, and when they aren't scoffing, they are sleeping or generally dossing around.

I wanna be a cat.

Ok, so this is never gonna happen, but i could live like a cat for a day... And so could you.

Cat World is the place to be...

For a small fee, you can experience a day of lazyness like never before (and i'm a student, so i know a bit about lazyness).

Through the doors, you are shown to your basket, complete with pillows, blankets and toys, so you can get that much needed nap before the day ahead.

Next you are awoken with a dish of food, any type of cereal you like, no spoon, just tuck in... Also a dish of OJ or coffee if you prefer.

After eating, another nap to recover your strength, before your massage. This will loosen you up after your kip, and preper you for the challenges that lie ahead... The outdoors.

Pop outside to roll in the grass, play with a ball, or just snooze in the shade.

Lunch time is steak, chicken or fish (vegetarian options available) with side orders of taters and veg and gravy if you like. All the food is cut up finely to eliminate the need for knives and forks, and wine is served in your drinks bowl.

Next comes the afternoon nap, on the windowsill (special xxl windowsills have been created for your comfort), in a sunbeam to take you up 'till playtime.

Outside again if you like, or go to the aggression room, where you get to attack a choice of targets (based on human hands, legs and faces) with specially designed attachable claws.

Finally one las nap takes you up 'till tea time, and a buffet selection (accidently left unattended on the kitchen worktop) for you to work through...

Cat world offers one day packages or weekends, with all food, petting and accomodation included.

Activities like fishing, mousing and visits to the vets are available at extra cost.

BTW No, i am not Dr Curry.

Additions hand picked from the annos...

Having to have a "funny half-hour" when you tear up and down the hall and stairs and fling yourself under the sofa and skate across the dining table as though you were quite possessed. [The Kat]

Keep 'em coming...

MikeOliver, May 15 2003

Another Mike Oliver http://www.halfbake.../www.mikeoliver.com
Hopefully this will clear a few things up. [MikeOliver, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]

Are you Dave Gorman? http://www.davegorman.com
What egbert was referring to. [friendlyfire, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]

Find other Mike Olivers in the UK http://www.yournotme.com/
with the help of this grammatically impaired website. [my face your, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]

Cat-maker, cat-maker, make me a cat. http://www.anomalie...ted.com/Catman.html
A glimpse into a man's obsession with becoming 'Catman.' [idyll, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]

[link]






       // BTW No, i am not Dr Curry. //   

       What's that supposed to mean?
waugsqueke, May 15 2003
  

       I'm sure that there are "specialist" S&M services that could do this for you.
Mayfly, May 15 2003
  

       I wanna drag it into the mainstream. C'mon everyone wants to try it out...   

       Don't be ashamed of what you are...
MikeOliver, May 15 2003
  

       Yes, I admit it, I've often thought along these lines, but a specialist holiday package... yes, I could go for that. In a, you know, take it or leave it feline way.
egbert, May 15 2003
  

       Specialist services; holiday packages? You can eat out of my garbage can and sip my toilet for free.
FloridaManatee, May 15 2003
  

       //BTW No, i am not Dr Curry.//   

       Curry rarely makes spelling errors.
Curry rarely makes capitalization errors.
Curry rarely uses AOL Speak.
Curry frequently appends his ideas with useful and informative links.
Curry rarely has to say "I am not Mike Oliver."
jurist, May 15 2003
  

       I read the first anno on the scratching post idea, and your statement still doesn't make any sense to me.
waugsqueke, May 15 2003
  

       Someone accused Mike of being DrCurry and then deleted the anno.
egbert, May 15 2003
  

       I'm not Mike Oliver, either, but I think you all guessed that.
DrCurry, May 15 2003
  

       So you BOTH deny it.
egbert, May 15 2003
  

       But anyway, now we've got that out of the way, overall this idea sounds very much like a whole bunch of spas, where you can pay through the nose to be thoroughly pampered. Unless, of course, you intend the service to come with free spaying.
DrCurry, May 15 2003
  

       MikeOliver tries his best with spelling   

       MikeOliver tries to capitalise Appropriately   

       MikeOliver is unaware of AOL speak, but is familiar with the annoying AOL women on the ad   

       MikeOliver would provide more links but often has little time to search for amusing sites   

       Curry has on one occasion at least felt the need to claim "I am not MikeOliver"   

       I appear to have upset Jurist.   

       Forgive my earlier mood, i am not at my best in the morning   

       Finally...   

       I am Mike Oliver.
MikeOliver, May 15 2003
  

       Good. Now go and find 54 other Mike Olivers.
egbert, May 15 2003
  

       What ever would i need 54 more for?   

       See link for one more.
MikeOliver, May 15 2003
  

       Will the real MikeOliver please stand up? (sorry-just being stupid)   

       Anyhoo...I very much enjoy the thought of being a cat. But why just for a day?! Why not a week? Or forever! :)
funkychunky, May 15 2003
  

       If you can afford it, then why not...
MikeOliver, May 15 2003
  

       I suppose being a cat forever is a WIBNI then due to the lack of funds. Unless someone wants to sponsor me - I will gladly take on a feline lifestyle ;)
funkychunky, May 15 2003
  

       Kit E Kat might sponsor you, but then you'd have to eat their food.
MikeOliver, May 15 2003
  

       Bleck! Screw that! :p   

       You know - DrCurry said earlier that this cat-for-a-day idea sounds like a bunch of spas, well maybe that's a good idea - a spa called "Cat for a day" and they pamper you as if you were a feline. I probably wouldn't go because I'm not so into the whole spa scene - but I am sure plenty of celebs would frequent there.
funkychunky, May 15 2003
  

       Cat for a day is for all, not just the rich and famous... But they are welcome too.
MikeOliver, May 15 2003
  

       Do you have to shit in a box?
waugsqueke, May 15 2003
  

       If you like... But if you do, you have to lick your own ass.   

       Toilets are available for the less dedicated felines.
MikeOliver, May 15 2003
  

       You have no idea at all about the constitution of a Kat day.   

       You missed out   

       1. Having to wake the household in the middle of the night with mind wrenching sqealing to be let out.   

       2. Having to vomit all over the middle of the best piece of furniture in the house and letting just a wee bit more dribble down onto the carpet.   

       3. Having to wake them up again at 5 a.m. because you just have to go outside.   

       4. Having to come in again at 5.30 a.m. (This goes on for the most part of the day of course.)   

       5. Having to steal food from either your own fridge/cupboard or next door's. Then turn your nose up at whatever tasteless muck is offered by your owner.   

       6. Having to make faces at next door's dog out of the window until you drive him quite mad.   

       7. Having to have a "funny half-hour" when you tear up and down the hall and stairs and fling yourself under the sofa and skate across the dining table as though you were quite possessed.   

       8. Having to stare at something that was not there for an hour or more and when you capture the human attention you spit and arch your back and back away - this is my favourite occupation - scares them shitless.   

       8. Having to use what Waugsqueke quaintly calls a box and miss by that much < >.   

       Oh I could write a book but I am much too lazy.
The Kat, May 15 2003
  

       I did include stealing food (for teatime).   

       As for a crazy hour... consider it included.   

       Vomiting whilst not encouraged is permitted... This will be at the discretion of the guest, and may incur extra cleaning charges.   

       Any other suggestions will be considered.
MikeOliver, May 15 2003
  

       Oh my God, I'm a cat!
thumbwax, May 15 2003
  

       nah, more of a Kat.   

       BTW Kat has said in the past (and he is the expert on cat stuff) that he loves nothing more than ripping the curtains and sofa to bits with his marvellously manicured nails.
po, May 15 2003
  

       If you were my cat this week, the neighbours cat would have attempted to kill you, the resulting bite on the neck causing a huge abcess that would have to be cut out. The vet would have shaved you, and you would be continuing to have your temperature taken anally every three days.
Helium, May 16 2003
  

       This sounds like a metaphor for a methadone clinic.
Shz, May 16 2003
  

       Oh my God, I'm Helium's cat!
thumbwax, May 16 2003
  

       =^..^=
Helium, May 16 2003
  

       ++^_++++++++++++/*+
+/.#\++++++++++//++
+\###\________//+++
+++\###########|+++
+++/#/______\##|+++
++/#/||++++++\#|\++
+//++_|+++++++\|/++
_>++++++++++++_>+++

(If you really want to see this in its full glory copy to notepad and do a replace on all #'s and +'s, to a single space.)
silverstormer, May 16 2003
  
      
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