Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Celery Smuggling

Use celery to smuggle water soluble drugs.
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Celery is very good at absorbing water up through its capillaries. It absorbs water until the osmotic pressure is balanced.

So, dry out some celery, put some cocaine in some water, and let the celery soak overnight. The next day you have a celery stick full of coke water. Do this a few thousand times over, and you have a vegetable shipment worth every penny!

Upon arrival, the celery is ground, dried, and filtered, leaving behind a valuable yield of smuggled drug.

daseva, Aug 03 2005

coke jeans http://thestar.com..../4634302&sec=nation
story about the drugged jeans [metarinka, May 18 2011]

[link]






       Not grinded. The word is *ground*.
Have you tried this? Does celery still do osmosis once you dry it out? Do you really have to grind it, or can you put a stick of celery up your nose?
ldischler, Aug 03 2005
  

       But how do you smuggle the celery in?
Worldgineer, Aug 03 2005
  

       Up your ass, of course.
ldischler, Aug 03 2005
  

       Doh! *edit*. Thanks, [ldishler].   

       Wow, there's obviously a lot of ground I haven't covered yet. Is celery even legal???
daseva, Aug 03 2005
  

       //But how do you smuggle the celery in?//   

       Well, if you're a young woman, you could say that it's lunch (because most people just go with the stereotype), but I suppose shoving it up where the sun don't shine has it's advantages.
froglet, Aug 03 2005
  

       would you mind warming that celery...
po, Aug 03 2005
  

       // but I suppose shoving it up where the sun don't shine has it's advantages.//
That reminds me of an old chant on the school bus!.
gnomethang, Aug 03 2005
  

       It also reminds me of an old man on the school bus.
benfrost, Aug 03 2005
  

       By first drying the celery in rock salt, one would increase its affinity for drug solution. As well as impart a delicious flavor.
bungston, Aug 04 2005
  

       Break one celery stick, and the dog will sniff you out & you get busted.   

       How would this be advantageous to simple bags of water/solution?
sophocles, Aug 04 2005
  

       If you are going to mix cocaine with liquid, why not cola?   

       Celery will get you high by itself. Chew it up into a mush and hold it in your mouth covering as much of your tongue as possible. Now wait for yourself to feel bad about something. You will feel your tongue start to suck stuff out of the celery mush in response to the bad feelings in your gut or where ever the bad feelings are manifested. This is the way animals are supposed to operate, mouths full of chewed up vegetables, tongue sucking emotional balance out of the mush, and other senses aiming the way to the new vegetables that will better balance the emotions.
JesusHChrist, Aug 04 2005
  

       You're an odd one, [Jesus].
Worldgineer, Aug 04 2005
  

       We once thought of a way of smuggling coke into the Netherlands (my hunting grounds) at New Year's eve. This might require some background info to explain. Here, on New Year's eve, there's a traditional sweet snack served, called "oliebollen", literally translated as "oil balls" . These are balls of sweet dough with or without rainins, deep-fried in oil, served with a royal amount of powdered sugar on top. Now, one could easily replace the powdered sugar with coke when you smuggle it across. Customs officers will just see a big plate full of sugared oliebollen. Of course, the main drawback is that sniffing your line from a greasy ball really doesn't look that cool on your New Year's Eve-party.
Trickytracks, Aug 04 2005
  

       someone should try to cross breed the cocaine plant with fruits or veggies....
IcarusByNight, Aug 04 2005
  

       And of course these highly trained customs officers wouldn't be at all suspicious that someone was trying to smuggle a food only made and eaten in the Netherlands INTO the Netherlands...
hippo, Aug 04 2005
  

       perhaps he means OUT of the Netherlands.   

       what do people hunt there?
po, Aug 04 2005
  

       Not what but who, Windy Miller.
skinflaps, Aug 04 2005
  

       A more beneficial application of the celery osmosis would be to infuse it with fruit juice so kids will like to eat it.
phundug, May 16 2011
  

       that won't work either phundug. Its the strings the kids hate.
dentworth, May 16 2011
  

       You could just give them fruit...
idris83, May 17 2011
  

       Infused with cocaine, no doubt.
daseva, May 17 2011
  

       Well, why not ? It's "green", it can be grown organically, and it's good for you - at least, it feels that way at the time.
8th of 7, May 17 2011
  

       sort of baked, drug smugglers put the drugs in cocaine soaked blue jeans. Never heard of them trying to put it in innocuous foods though.
metarinka, May 18 2011
  

       Who ever said celery was innocuous?
DrWorm, May 19 2011
  

       William Somerville Orr said it.
mouseposture, May 19 2011
  

       dogs or no dogs, i think this would fool a few border guards. who weren't creative enough to see cellery as a concealment vessel.   

       ....Come to think of it, wouldn't injecting a drug in liquid form into celery blend its smell with that of the celery? I imagine it would no longer be two separate smells, but one totally new odour. The dogs probably wouldn't regard it as cocaine at all!
bob, May 23 2011
  

       This has been done with lime shipments as well.
normzone, May 23 2011
  

       And too big to smuggle in celery.
pocmloc, May 23 2011
  

       [big] Limes are generally smuggled in coconuts. There's even a song about it.   

       [meta] Why not smuggle drugs in regular blue jeans? I'd think smuggling them in cocane soaked blue jeans would be easier to detect.
Worldgineer, Jun 02 2011
  

       Hah, [world], I wanted to send that snarky remark to meta a while back but I refrained. I was still vying for his vote, perhaps.
daseva, Jun 02 2011
  
      
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