h a l f b a k e r y
"This may be bollocks, but it's lovely bollocks."
add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random
news, help, about, links, report a problem
or get an account
Conventional Christmas crackers inevitably have a"
winner" and a "loser"; one participant misses out
on the naff toy, the flimsy paper hat, and the bit of
paper with the ancient non-funny joke on it.
Now from BorgCo, the new centre parting cracker
does away with that- everyone's a winner.
cracker is 50% longer than a regular device and has
two payloads; it's designed to separate halfway
along its length so that each puller gets a section
with something in it. To make sure it separates
cleanly, the "snap" is based on a .22LR blank.
For those desiring to retain the lucky/unlucky
aspect, a variety will be available where one end
contains the gift, paper hat and motto, while in the
other half has the snap (quite a powerful device)
actually inside the "handle" and contains a plastic
packet of foul-smelling dye, resulting in painful
superficial burns to the hand, ruined clothing, and
a distasteful odour.
The crackers are twice as expensive as normal
ones, but then again you only need half as many.
Prior Art acknowledged. [8th of 7, Dec 16 2013]
For the enlightenment of such poor benighted Colonials who miss out on such things ... [8th of 7, Dec 16 2013]
With a custard payload [TomP, Dec 16 2013]
||"Sighs", we need Christmas Crackers here in the US.
||//For those desiring to retain the lucky/unlucky aspect...// - surely just replace the .22 blank with a live round?
||That's the DeLuxe version
||Actually there's probably an idea there - the "Russian Roulette Christmas Cracker" - festive fun for all the family, except for the one in six chance of a painful death.
||That's okay 8th, here in the colonies they allow us
real guns to play with.
||James May demonstrated a similar batch to these: a small explosive charge blasts the cracker open and deploys such diverse gifts as maggots, custard or a hefty wad of cash [link].
||In this day and age, it might need guide notes for the runes. I dunno, kids these days, not like back in the bear shirt days..
||[8th] and [bliss] - I'm pretty sure that Christmas
crackers are fairly common in the US. There was
(and probably still is) something of a fad for them
over there. So, if you really do ("sighs") feel that
you need them, you should be able to find them.
||I do wonder, though, what sort of jokes appear in
USarian Christmas crackers. Those in English
crackers fall into a very specialised sub-genre of
humour, which is a tradition in its own right. I can
only imagine that Americans would be perplexed.
||Particularly since their concept of "humour"
seems to pivot round government by a
system where the Executive and Legislature
can never agree a budget, but instead
perform a bizarre joust where each accuses
the other of bad faith while collectively
borrowing more money than the rest of the
world put together, with no thought of how to
pay it back.
||Although it's more of a tragedy than a
||[8th], I don't think we're entitled to ridicule their
political system when we're comparing things with
English cracker jokes. Under any other