Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Dangerous Lift of Death

  (+20, -10)(+20, -10)
(+20, -10)
  [vote for,

This is an ordinary lift (US: Elevator), except for the large holes in the floor and ceiling which are slightly larger in diameter than the lift's counterweight - which is suspended by the lift's pulley mechanism over the top of the lift. If you go up in this lift, say to the top floor of a ten- storey building, at about the fifth floor, the massive counterweight will plunge through the lift, decapitating anyone foolish enough to be leaning over the hole in the floor at the time.
hippo, Oct 03 2009


       pointless, dangerous... [+]
FlyingToaster, Oct 03 2009

       hah, [bigsleep]   

       this would warrant a marvellous illustration {sigh}
po, Oct 03 2009

       I think the advantage outweighs everything - higher increased efficiency, and a smoother ride.
Ian Tindale, Oct 03 2009

       of course, teenagers will want to ride the counterweight on the way up - we could incorporate this new experience into the London olympics.
po, Oct 03 2009

       A cheese wire slot would be good, separating the car into two halfs that moved perfectly together....."mind the gap!"
xenzag, Oct 03 2009

       The more marketable version of this idea - which I though of first, actually - would be to have the hole through the middle of the lift encased in a transparent cylinder. Then, you'd get all the thrill of seeing the counterweight plummet through the centre of the lift, with none of the concomitant carnage.
hippo, Oct 03 2009

       I would install this special elevator type in my happy ending amusement park.+
vfrackis, Oct 03 2009

       This is basically like a hybrid H5N1 / novel H1N1 reassortment, only bigger.
Ian Tindale, Oct 03 2009

       I am not usually against things just because they are dangerous, nor am I against this for the same reason. The potential footprint savings could be huge if you imagine a hotel with three hundred lifts, each now reduced by the footprint of the counterweight chamber. Hence a bun [+].
vincevincevince, Oct 03 2009

       //middle of the lift encased in a transparent cylinder// I thought of that as well!
po, Oct 03 2009

       let's also replace the "welcome" mats with bear traps and scatter the land with explosives-filled boxes labeled "do not open"! [-]   

       //anything that filters the crap out of the gene pool// [UB], assuming I hadn't been warned beforehand, I would probably look up/down through the holes in the elevator, out of curiosity. Are you proposing we go back to the early Industrial Revolution, before worker safety was invented, when lapses of attention resulted in bodily harm, at least for the working class? I'm sure you have some particular idiots in mind and good reason for your cynicism. Still, I like [hippo]'s version better.
sninctown, Oct 03 2009

       Life is too safe these days.   

wagster, Oct 03 2009

       If it were encased in a transparent cylinder, I could support it. Instead of one large counterweight, you could have many smaller ones distributed along the cable, on which you could display images that would animate as the elevator moved.
tatterdemalion, Oct 03 2009

       if the lift decapitated a couple of heads would the lift increase its speed due to the weight loss (and blood loss) do ya think? just curious...
po, Oct 03 2009

Sparkyplugclean, Oct 03 2009

       Hey now, you're talking about people from my birthplace...
RayfordSteele, Oct 03 2009

       If you get rid of one half of the bell curve
you still will have a bell curve.
Ian Tindale, Oct 04 2009

       Bone. In that same line of nonsense, how about an elevator that kills anyone who pushes the button that says "CEO" or "Board of Directors." It can dispense a freshly-baked bun to anyone who clicks on "Janitor's closet" or "Storage."
kevinthenerd, Oct 04 2009

       Yes, that would be nonsense. And you'll notice that I didn't suggest that.
hippo, Oct 05 2009

       [vincevincevince] does it really save space? Surely the lift has to be bigger if its going to hold the same number of people + the occasional high speed counterweight. Hmmm [sound of gears whizzing around and then getting stuck] ... ok it is an advantage. You get an overall size advantage except for traveling between 5th and 6th floors. Would need a hinged bit of floor, that gets clear when the weight goes through, but thats not a showstopper. Ok that gets a [+].
RattyBunyip, Oct 05 2009

       I dunno, a rusty saw seems somewhat banal.
kaz, Oct 05 2009

       //Can we slit their scrawny throats with rusty saws// I don't think so: that would be more of a rip than a slit.
pertinax, Oct 05 2009

       //I'm heartily in favour of anything that filters the crap out of the gene pool on a regular basis//   

       Agreed, agreed, [UB]. But should curiosity be the triggering behavior of such a filter? Seems a little counter-evolutionary to me.   

       That being said, an idea that involves decapitation merits a bun from me, [Hippo].
MikeD, Oct 05 2009

       [UB] I'd like to point out that my variant does bring an improvement to the lift design in engineering terms yet still allows for Darwinian pruning of those who cant read or count and hence are standing in the wrong place and don't notice the impending '5th floor'. It should reduce the number of those lost from being 'over curious'.
RattyBunyip, Oct 06 2009

       If the primary advantage is that it eliminates the need for a seperate shaft for the counterweight, then why not take two elevators, and make each the counterweight of the other?
goldbb, Oct 06 2009

       [goldbb] and if one was the counter weight for the other then it wouldnt fit through the hole unless it had very heavy people in it (sorry) [brain starts to think about possibilities of tall thin elevators fitting through holes in short fat elevators... shape changing elevators... counter weight elevators with variable length string so could go at different rates.... Shutup brain!]
RattyBunyip, Oct 07 2009

       If you drilled a hole through the earth, the counterweight could be a lift in the Antipodes on the other end of a very long rod.
pocmloc, Oct 07 2009

       Ha! Well done hippo! You've managed to get this all the way up to 29 votes and nobody has been able to summon up the strength of will to label this idea as [m-f-d] cruelty. The force is strong in you today!
DrBob, Oct 07 2009

       [admin: I see where you're coming from, but I'm ignoring the mfd. I read the dangerousness as more accidental than deliberately cruel; since it's not likely someone will build this, it doesn't really matter. If the mere thought of an accident worries you, or you insist on realism, go with the tube-encased initial version instead.]
jutta, Oct 14 2009

       Curses! Foiled again!
DrBob, Oct 15 2009

       //blatant stupidity is not frowned upon// marked-for-tagline
pocmloc, Oct 15 2009

       [bigsleep], you have made up those impossible features. Obviously there are two suspension cables, which run parallel upwards about a yard apart. They run over two facing pulleys and then descend to the counterweight almost touching. If you're worried about unequal stretch, you can add a third small pulley on the counterweight and have one continuous cable that does for both ups and both downs.
pocmloc, Oct 15 2009


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