Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Keep out of reach of children.

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Do It Your Elf

Make-your-own-half-baked-goods store
 
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The chain of humble, HB DIYE shops stocks a myriad of how-to books and kits for the home hobbyist. Perusing just one shelf yields the following finds:

"Disco Compact" is a small book that explains step-by-step how to transform your compact mirror into a pop-up disco ball and replace the powder with instant scene smoke, for proper dancing queen surroundings.

"The Fur Ball Kit" includes a 1 kilo bag of sanitized, cat, hair balls and meticulous instructions for making attractive ear muffs, fur boas and steering wheel covers.

A "Keep It Clean", sex pamphlet contains, among other tips, help in constructing a handy condom-towellette combo, including zip-loc contraceptive closure.

The thick, money-saving, recipe book "Nuts R U" is filled with instructions for delicious, fruit nut meals, just waiting to be prepared from the ground leftovers of plums, peaches, apples and grapes.

A large kit includes lumber, springs, spray paint, nuts and bolts for easy home assembly of your own pogo stick crucifix or a day-glo cross of David for grave embellishment.

Finally there's a book called "Half-Patented Medicine" that explains the intricacies of making your own placeboes, such as how to carve pills from sugar cubes (lumps). Other chapters cover fashioning bogus suppositories and pseudo-nicotine patches.

The halfbakery shops hold uniformly low prices by managing without staff that would perform such tasks as ordering, pricing and sales. The customers do it them elves.

FarmerJohn, Feb 12 2003

(?) Michaels http://www.michaels...corporate_about.htm
Now the largest chain of art and craft stores in North America with a very eclectic (and slightly scary) approach to inventory selection. [jurist, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

We'd shop there every day! http://www.halfbake...rrilla_20Halfbakers
[beauxeault, Oct 05 2004]

[link]






       Ever walk into a "Michaels" crafts store? They are not entirely unlike this, although I don't specifically remember seeing components for constructing the handy condom-towlette combo with contraceptive closure. (In fairness, however, that might have been because many of those sundries were already being stocked next door at the Thrifty Drug Store, and they didn't wish to compete head to head.) It certainly seems that Michaels utilizes the same staffing philosophy that HB DIYE shops employ.
jurist, Feb 12 2003
  

       I can think of one group that would be an automatic loyal customer base (link).
beauxeault, Feb 12 2003
  

       Will there be a "Military Surplus" section, where you can buy short-dated ordinance at attractively low prices ?   

       American Express ?
8th of 7, Feb 12 2003
  

       Santa's not gonna like this, he's always had a monopoly on them elves.   

       8/7: They would have been launching cats in artillery shells, and they would have been stunning children with grenades, if those supplies wouldn't have been being out of stock.   

       American Express ? ?
FarmerJohn, Feb 12 2003
  

       Quality Farm and Fleet. Sortof a Walmart for rural DIYer's.
RayfordSteele, Feb 13 2003
  
      
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