Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Drink-drive taxi kit

Camouflage
 
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A kit that when attached to a regular car makes it look just like a minicab.

Comprises: dummy magnetic TAXI sign for roof, dummy VHF aerial, out-of-area taxi registration plates, magnetic signs with company name, logo and phone number (phone number can be for a real taxi firm).

If concerned about how much alcohol you may have consumed, and desirous of avoiding the suspicion of law enforcement, simply apply the kit to the vehicle, positioning the lifelike inflatable rubber dummies in the rear seat.

Then just drive slowly and carefully. The cops will be far too dumb to spot the ruse.

8th of 7, May 06 2016

[link]






       That explains Stephen Fry.
Ian Tindale, May 06 2016
  

       //Then just drive slowly and carefully// and get pulled over within minutes.
FlyingToaster, May 06 2016
  

       No, that's how the vast majority of English* minicab drivers behave. They are noticeably slower and more defensive than normal drivers.   

       *Not, however, in London. This is not surprising as there are few, if any, English people left in The Great Wen.
8th of 7, May 06 2016
  

       " The Smoke " ?
normzone, May 06 2016
  

       That tends to be how the creatures that infest it refer to the place.
8th of 7, May 06 2016
  

       How about a Drink-drive Fat Lady kit for Smartcar owners? Simply install a sunroof, stand on the driver's seat, and don the vast and capacious crinoline dress. Steering and other controls are managed by foot-straps, and the car body is completely concealed beneath the skirts.   

       You may be a slightly drunk marketing executive driving home, but to the constabulary you will simply appear to be a very tall, fat lady strolling quickly and smoothly down the street.
MaxwellBuchanan, May 06 2016
  

       //No, that's how the vast majority of English* minicab drivers behave. They are noticeably slower and more defensive than normal drivers.//   

       There's an art to it. It starts with the environment, tune radio to a local station, then turn it down in volume. It should be audible, but not intelligible. Turn the heat up, heat's free, and it really helps get the most out of the 3 old Magic Tree air fresheners. Next, the CB. It needs to have the obnoxious mid 50's lady shouting at Jim & Ken every minute or so. Extra points if the CB is installed without a ground loop isolator, everyone likes a nice electrical engine whine. Now, settle in to that aftermarket seat cover...   

       Driving. You have 2 gears, 1st and 5th. You're allowed one use of 1st per customer. You lose points after that. Cabs should be driven essentially at idle in 5th, it makes sharp corners a little hair raising, but you can take the edge off the corner by swinging way out in the opposite lane to straighten out the corner a little.
bs0u0155, May 06 2016
  

       It isn't over til the FAT LADY sings.
popbottle, May 07 2016
  
      
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