Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Duvet remover

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A timer, small motor, and clever arrangement of clips and cables that will, at a designated time, pull the blanket off your bed, leaving you under just the sheet. Comes in two varieties:

1) Slow. This is for people who need the extra weight of a duvet to get to sleep, or feel cold when they lie down, but then get overheated overnight. Gently slides the duvet off over the course of about an hour, a few hours after you go to bed.

2) Fast. Yanks the whole thing off with an audible thump at six in the morning (or whatever time you set it for). This is for people who have trouble getting out of their nice warm bed in the morning, or who want to teach the cat to wait patiently for breakfast.

gisho, May 27 2016

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       // Fast. Yanks the whole thing off with an audible thump at six in the morning //   

       Intolerable cruelty...   

       // want to teach the cat to wait patiently for breakfast. //   

       Teaching a cat anything (other than crapping behind the TV bcos it's raining, leaving half-mice on the doormat, scratching antique furniture, or vomiting copiously on the bedside rug at 0352 ) is best achieved with tbe aid of the BorgCo Cat Training Club. Just bring your disobedient cat to us, and we will stun it with the Club, then ty-rap it to a rail line for the Training...   

       #include <EOSSACR.H>
8th of 7, May 27 2016
  

       It almost sounds as though you have experience caring for live, unharmed cats [8th]. Between this and your comment about branding being a distasteful activity I would almost think you've gone soft.
Voice, May 28 2016
  

       // caring for live, unharmed cats //   

       We were forced to make their acquaintance. We did not care for them, then or now.   

       // branding being a distasteful activity //   

       Only because of the smoke and the smell. Cremation in a sealed retort is infinitely preferable.
8th of 7, May 28 2016
  

       This might teach the cat to sleep on top of your head.   

       Perhaps a "Duvet Cat-apult"
popbottle, May 30 2016
  

       When my children were younger, I used a manual variant of this, in which the child would remain in the duvet, but be separated from the bed. That way, the shock of waking reality wouldn't be too harsh, but they'd be definitely awake and definitely not-in-bed-anymore.
pertinax, May 30 2016
  
      
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