Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Embroidered Macho Glove

from my stupid youth
  (+12, -4)(+12, -4)
(+12, -4)
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I sat at a corner table of the bar with two buddies and tried to stab a pocketknife as fast as I could between my outspread fingers, when the bartender came by and said, “Instead of damaging my furniture with that sissy game, show you’re a real man on the macho glove maker in the back room." The macho glove maker turned out to be an industrial sewing machine altered to embroider only one, large pattern.

Following the few instructions, I took a leather hand profile slightly larger than my left hand and placed it on the outline under the thick needle threaded with a coarse yarn. Trying not to look at the numerous spots of blood, I placed my now shaking and sweaty hand on the piece of skin and pressed the green start button. There was no red button.

Slowly at first, the machine stamped the needle on either side of my thumb and then sped up sounding like an accelerating DC3 to a high whine as its point passed over the back of my hand and between my fingers in a blur. I finally dared to move when the machine stopped with a sigh. With a pair of shears I cut through the threads joining my fingers as I control-counted my undamaged digits.

To my buddies and the rest of the bar, with pale face and rubbery legs I raised a hand in triumph, covered in an ugly embroidered but macho glove.

FarmerJohn, Dec 12 2004


       embroidered with LOVE & HATE?
po, Dec 12 2004

       Is that a rhetorical question? Are these rhetorical questions?
FarmerJohn, Dec 12 2004

       [po]: Ha! Good idea.
jutta, Dec 12 2004

       Ripley: "Just stay away from me, Farmer John! You got that straight?" [+]
DocBrown, Dec 13 2004

       John, you're genuinely loopy.
david_scothern, Dec 13 2004

       somehow i didn't have to scroll down to know who wrote this. + great stuff
benfrost, Dec 14 2004

       If you were *really* macho, it wouldn't be your hand.
Detly, Dec 14 2004


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