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Enviro-noise

Selectable background noise for telliing lies on the phone
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This device would provide the appropriate, convincing background clamor for any lie you might wish to tell:

Fake emergencies (hospital noise, garage noise, car-broke-down-on-the-motorway noise) Childcare excuses (kid noise: Barney, siblings fighting, crying, the pitter-patter of little feet) Affair excuses (office noise: "Sorry, pumpkin; I have to work late again tonight") Madman-in-the-building simulations (gunfire, shouting, sirens, screaming - FOR AMERICANS ONLY)

For an extra fee, customers could receive an additional device: an attachable voice distorter that can make anyone sound really and truly sick. If your boss doesn't buy it, get a full refund!

1percent, Mar 15 2001

Half-baked http://www.halfbake...0Excuse_20Generator
[beauxeault, Mar 15 2001, last modified Oct 17 2004]

and Half-baked again. http://www.halfbake...ne_20audio_20memory
See use no. 3. -- (Do two "Half-bakeds" make one "Baked?") [beauxeault, Mar 15 2001, last modified Oct 17 2004]

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       Hey!!! This device is already here! It's called your CD player! In almost every cd store there's a section where you can get cd's of sound effects (many for very reasonable marked down prices I might add!) that serve this purpose VERY well. I've personally used hospital hallway, office clatter, restaurant noise, and a few others to great effect... no need to reinvent the squealing wheel when you can play it back over your stereo behind you!
GoredDawg, Dec 07 2002
  

       Could you conference-call someone else (or someplace else), before calling your boss?   

       E.g. call the hospital, then while you're talking to them, add your boss to the call. Then say "Sorry, can't come to work, my wife's in the hospital". Hopefully there will be hospital sounds in the background. The hospital receptionist might be a little confused, but you'll hang up quickly and the deed is done.   

       Helpful family members with screaming children could also be used as the conferencee, as in "Sorry, I got roped into babysitting my nephews this afternoon, can't make your son's bar mitzvah"
phundug, May 16 2006
  
      
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