Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Existentialist Coffee

Don't grind beans and pour water over them. There's no reason to. It wouldn't do any good.
  (+7, -3)
(+7, -3)
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Here's the idea. A cup, or lack there of, for use by existentialists in the morning. This cup would be filled with a lack of coffee. Since, the world is all in your head and coffee's awakening effect is a somewhat mental process it should be fairly obvious that a synthesis of these two factors may result in imagined coffee achieving a similair effect as non-imagined coffee. The key is belief. That is why I suggest a cup which reads, "this coffee is equally as unreal as the last cup of coffee I intook". It does not matter what brand of coffee you use in this cup. The benefits? Less time wasted. (if you believe in that sort of thing.) Less money wasted. (same thing) And there's no chance of spilling it on your shirt and scallding yourself. You can even drink it in bed! The only issue is that it will certainly be very addictive. Use it carefully.
Alizayi, Dec 27 2011

[link]






       This is probably not existentialism in the Sartrean sense, but you've made me wonder what would be existentialist coffee.
nineteenthly, Dec 27 2011
  

       I Kant be Sartrean about that question, I’m Søren to say. I must be on a Heidegger to Nietzsche.
pocmloc, Dec 27 2011
  

       Wouldn't there be two cups?...   

       Yeah, but ... you're not really describing existentialism. This is more hallucinatory delusion coffee.
nomocrow, Dec 27 2011
  

       In the absence of evdence to the contrary, it could be Solipsist coffee…   

       <Captain Powell>   

       "Teach the pot … phenomenology…"   

       </Captain Powell>
8th of 7, Dec 27 2011
  

       There are grounds for suspecting that, yes.
8th of 7, Dec 27 2011
  

       // Has this got something to do with the essence of bean?//   

       All take note: given the context, this is a good pun.   

       There will be no execution today.
Alterother, Dec 27 2011
  

       Two empty cups, [2 fries].
blissmiss, Dec 27 2011
  

       To bean, or not to bean... that is the question:
infidel, Dec 27 2011
  

       "The quality of Mocha is not strain'd,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from Heaven
Into the mug beneath ..."
8th of 7, Dec 27 2011
  

       Th' Espresso's wronged the proud man's contumely
The pangs of despised Robusta, not Arabica,
The insolence of Americain, and the spurns
That patient drinker of th' unworthy takes.
infidel, Dec 27 2011
  

       The title does work if it's simply seen as a reference to existence rather than Existentialism with a capital E. Maybe "ontological coffee" would be less ambiguous.
nineteenthly, Dec 27 2011
  

       Oh, well, if all you're going to do is quibble over semantics, you'll just make the whole idea seem ridiculous.
8th of 7, Dec 27 2011
  

       It's idealist coffee, strictly speaking.
nineteenthly, Dec 28 2011
  

       Yeah I'm going to have to go the other way on voting for this now. I agree with 19thly that this idea gets its philosophy wrong. Although this sounds a bit like Kierkagaard with the solipsism. I had voted in favor of it because I like the type of idea. The by-line (summary) reflects more of a cynical or fatalist philosophy, defeatism or pessimism.   

       My own attempt at Existentialist coffee would be decafinated coffee that contains a seditive, so you become sleepier as you drink more.
rcarty, Dec 28 2011
  

       Would this coffee be more suitable for Epicureans, or Stoics ? We suspect the latter.
8th of 7, Dec 28 2011
  

       Not empty [blissmiss]... they preffer to be reffered to as 'waiting to be filled'.
It's all semantics.
  

       //you've made me wonder what would be existentialist coffee//   

       Well, my current understanding of existentialism is that its main purpose is to reverse the definitions of good faith and bad faith. So, an existentialist cup of coffee would be almost anything other than the cup of coffee you originally requested and paid for (in, in the old sense, good faith), on the grounds that *that* cup of coffee would be bourgeois and inauthentic.   

       However, I haven't read enough Sartre to say that with complete conviction. So, would anyone here who *has* read Sartre like to comment?
pertinax, Dec 28 2011
  

       Existentialist coffee would induce nausea, n'est pas? So, it's baked, or rather brewed
mouseposture, Dec 28 2011
  

       Seditive? Something that promotes or facilitates sedition? That would be anarchist coffee, surely?
infidel, Dec 29 2011
  

       No, you're getting confused with "revolutionary tea" the sort you make by throwing tea into Boston harbour, and Secessionist coffee, which was what Jefferson Davis used to drink.   

       Not sure about Sedition/Anarchist coffee… sounds like sonething Lenin might drink. Anarchist coffee probably consists of a group of people who all secretly want coffee, and talk constantly about how good the coffee will be when they get it, but since no-one's in charge they don't actually have any coffee to make it with, and besides, there's no individual responsible for putting the pot on the stove; they just sit rouund, complaining about the violence inherent in the system.
8th of 7, Dec 29 2011
  

       That's kinda how one would define sedition, [8th].
infidel, Dec 29 2011
  

       But we are plural …
8th of 7, Dec 29 2011
  

       //Anarchist coffee probably consists of a group of people who all secretly want coffee, and talk constantly about how good the coffee will be when they get it, but since no-one's in charge they don't actually have any coffee to make it with, and besides, there's no individual responsible for putting the pot on the stove; they just sit rouund, complaining about the violence iherent in the system.//   

       This anno alone is worth a bun!
Wrongfellow, Dec 29 2011
  

       Comeand see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I'm bean repressed!   

       Ooh, Dennis, there's some lovely used coffee grounds over 'ere!
Alterother, Dec 29 2011
  

       I have read Sartre of course, and written stuff on his philosophy, but i couldn't say for sure what existentialist coffee would be. I'll give it some thought.
nineteenthly, Dec 29 2011
  

       // I have read Sartre of course, and written stuff on his philosophy, //   

       But can you prove it beyond reasonable doubt ?   

       // i couldn't say for sure what existentialist coffee would be. //   

       Can anyone ... ?   

       // I'll give it some thought. //   

       Cogito, ergo sum .. isn't that more Descartes than Sartre ?   

       // Help, help, I'm bean repressed! //   

       <Points meaningfully at door marked "EXIT">
8th of 7, Dec 29 2011
  

       Functionally the same as Decaf.
RayfordSteele, Dec 29 2011
  

       Albatross!
4whom, Dec 29 2011
  

       9 pence? I'll have two please...   

       Gannet on a stick!
4whom, Dec 29 2011
  

       Oh, you're so Gullible ...   

       Right, we've made a pun. Now it's someone else's Tern.
8th of 7, Dec 29 2011
  

       //sounds like sonething Lenin might drink.//   

       there's the old joke of Lenin going to Bakunin's (?) and being given a cup of tea. It tastes really naff and he complains, but Bakinin says "I thought we had already agreed that proper tea is theft?"
not_morrison_rm, Dec 29 2011
  

       //and written stuff on his philosophy//   

       Published? And could we read it? (I mean, whether or not you'd like to share it here, I'd be interested to see it).
pertinax, Dec 29 2011
  

       There'll be a couple of things in Warwick Uni library, i expect. I've never bothered to try to get anything published because i already have enough despair in my life and when i put it on Freecycle it takes ages for people to come and pick it up.
nineteenthly, Dec 30 2011
  

       Just huffin' and puffin', [8th].
infidel, Dec 30 2011
  

       No Exit.
nineteenthly, Dec 31 2011
  

       Boobies!
infidel, Dec 31 2011
  

       winner.
FlyingToaster, Dec 31 2011
  

       Cogito, ergo my brain is a physical piece of machinery with a demonstrably real chemical dependency
kevinthenerd, May 24 2017
  

       I have no idea why, but since the new year I’ve not had more than two cups of coffee in total. I’ve just suddenly stopped coffee consumption. Instead I have the usual British quantities of tea (in other words, doesn’t involve gaps between cups of tea). At home I have leaf tea. Proper tea (cost me nearly two quid! Worth it though). I don’t think I stopped coffee because of the tea displacing it. I think the tea stepped back into the space left by not having coffee.
Ian Tindale, Feb 02 2018
  

       Well, coffee isn't actually an enjoyable drink, it's the having a coffee that's the good bit.
FlyingToaster, Feb 02 2018
  

       {obligatory covfefe reference}
pertinax, Feb 02 2018
  
      
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