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Exterminator Ants

Utilizing Army Ants for Pest Control
  (+4, -1)
(+4, -1)
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Is your house plagued with roaches, termites, and spiders? Do you find it difficult to exterminate the rats and mice living behind your walls?

Then you would greatly benefit from a visit from the Army Ant Exterminator.

It's quite simple. The house is sealed. A truck pulls up, carrying a million-plus colony of Army Ants.

A hose is attached from the truck to the house.

In go the Ants. They quickly devour every living creature in the house (and, incidentally, any left-overs or crumbs laying around the kitchen.)

The Queen, of course, remains in the truck. And, after satiating themselves, the Ants instinctively return to the truck, carrying with them every pest carcass, leaving your house spotless.

No nasty chemicals. No odors. 100% effective.

lurquer, Aug 10 2004

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       keep 'em off the halfbakery cake for gawd's sake.
po, Aug 10 2004
  

       don't youz gawd's nayme in vayne.
yabba do yabba dabba, Aug 10 2004
  

       Has anyone seen my dog?
Worldgineer, Aug 10 2004
  

       no.
lostdog, Aug 10 2004
  

       no, me either... hey wait a minute... that dog over there looks like he's lost...
luecke, Aug 10 2004
  

       My dog can't type.   

       Oh, welcome [lurq]. Great first post.
Worldgineer, Aug 10 2004
  

       Sounds like a business Dr. Phibes would've got into, had he not been so preoccupied with other matters.+
cromagnon, Aug 10 2004
  

       What's to keep them from coming back on their day off? when I'm home...?
dentworth, Aug 10 2004
  

       Didn't I used to have a leather couch?
GutPunchLullabies, Aug 10 2004
  

       I can just imagine waking up in the middle of the night with half of my leg eaten off by the few rebel ants that stayed behind for the afterparty.
Machiavelli, Aug 10 2004
  

       I thought ants left droppings, I could be wrong. Welcome to the HB!
swimr, Aug 10 2004
  

       They're very tiny little things. Just vacuum. If it wasn't eaten.
shapu, Aug 10 2004
  

       I just hope they send in the Carpenter Ants to put things right again, after all the hostilities have concluded.
jurist, Aug 11 2004
  

       Perhaps, but your house will be clean as a freshly-eaten whistle.
shapu, Aug 11 2004
  

       Just don't *introduce* Red ants....ouch!
skinflaps, Aug 11 2004
  

       Issue the ants with thread and they could use their mandibles to darn your socks and sew on any missing buttons. +
(WTAGIPBAN)
spacemoggy, Aug 11 2004
  

       Yeah, welcome [lurquer]. At last... a newcomer with a sensible idea! (+)   

       <scenes of horror as the colony finds the chalk in my daughter's desk. Ant wrangler sues for damages, SPCA jails me for causing agonising slow dehydration death of a million plus ants>
ConsulFlaminicus, Aug 12 2004
  

       Seems like a reasonable idea. It would be really great if you could do a whole apartment house at one time. The ants would have to be conditioned to be as impervous to most insecticides as are the roaches and other little critters.
hangingchad, Nov 14 2004
  

       I have a book, "Common Sense Pest Control" in which the author describes digging up a fire ant nest, dumping it in a box, and setting the box in his basement near where he found a termite colony. The ants took care fo the termites.
bungston, Nov 14 2004
  

       and then proceeded to decimate the countryside from their root cellar stronghold.   
      
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