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Fake Targeted Advertising

The ads are fake, the results are real
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One of the tools in a parent's toolbox is threatening their kids with various institutions that don't exist .. or if they do exist they are not as scary as parents make them out to be. In the age of information, kids are getting smarter, and this toolbox needs a 21st century upgrade.

For example, let's say little Timmy is developing a bad habit of not doing his math homework. His dad says "If you don't do your homework I will have to send you to Peak Math". When Timmy hears this he runs for his backpack and starts doing his homework right away. How come?

It's because Timmy has seen the YouTube ads: "Peak Math, where kids excel... or else". It starts with a scene of proud parents shaking hands with the teacher holding A+ report card, proudly patting their child on the head. The commercial goes on to explain that rigorous scientific testing proves that the best way to teach kids math is through severe punishments. It then cuts to scenes of student receiving beatings. The commercial ends with the same student grinning ear to ear holding his A+ report card saying "Thank you Peak Math. I used to hate math homework and now I love it!"

This marketing is reinforced by mail that Timmy picks up when his parents ask him to check the mail box. A colourful crisp envelope says "Is your child struggling doing their Math homework? Enroll your child today - first 6 months free!". Timmy always makes sure to hide this letter and dispose of it before his parents see it. He nervously asks his best friend at school, "have you ever heard of Peak Math?". His friend looks around and whispers back: "Ya, my cousins, best friend's little sister's, friend was sent there last year. No one has seen her since". Timmy even installed "Adblock plus" on mom's computer to block these ads, but to Timmy's disappointment, she recently turned it off because it wasn't let her visit her favourite news site.

Of course there is no such thing as "Peak Math". Peak Math is a shell institution that doesn't do anything other than targeted advertising of it's existence paid for by subscriptions of parents of children like Timmy. Through the wonder of targeted advertising, parents can choose to have their households targeted by a myriad of fake institutions.

ixnaum, Nov 10 2019

Fast motorbike school Fast_20motorbike_20school
"We'll have to send you to Fast Motorbike School!" [hippo, Nov 11 2019]

[link]






       So... no *real* torture, just *psychological* torture because that's never hurt anybody before.
st3f, Nov 10 2019
  

       This is creepy and horrible. Have a bun.
Voice, Nov 10 2019
  

       This will turn normal children into sullen, paranoid, resentful little goblins, distrustful of everyone and everything, twisted and bitter beyond redemption before they're even teenagers.   

       Outstandingly good work [ix]. We bestow upon you a twisted croissant.
8th of 7, Nov 10 2019
  

       This is sick. [+]   

       The name "Peak Math" sounds frighteningly real. Might have the makings of a short horror story here.
doctorremulac3, Nov 11 2019
  

       // a short horror story //   

       ... between the ages of seven and eleven years, probably.
8th of 7, Nov 11 2019
  

       "Peak Math" is a methodology of mathematics instruction based on the theory that if you teach mathematics at high altitude, the combination of adrenaline and extreme cold heightens the students' awareness and makes them more receptive to learning, the bulky thermal clothing makes movement harder so they sit still in class, and the altitude means that anything they manage to learn under conditions of extreme oxygen deprivation will seem simple at sea level.
hippo, Nov 11 2019
  

       ... plus doing it on the edge of a three hundred metre high vertical rockface with the ever present threat of being pushed off if your performance is unsatisfactory does wonders for motivation.   

       "Good morning, class. Now, before we start, just take a look over the edge. Do you see that splash of reddish-brown down there on the bergschrund ? Yes, it is a long, long way down, isn't it, Timmy ? Well, that patch of colour is someone who couldn't solve non-exact Quadratic equations in the class yesterday afternoon.   

       Today's topic is differentiation. I'm sure I can rely on you all to concentrate really hard ..."
8th of 7, Nov 11 2019
  

       Follow-up ads for summer camp at [Twin Peaks Math: Fourier Walk With Me] arrive periodically afterwards.   

       ^ [notional bun +]   

       ... followed by The X-Squared Files, perhaps?
8th of 7, Nov 12 2019
  

       Just sine on the dotted line.   

       If classes were held in a forest, with the ever-present threat of large carnivores in the vicinity, the students could sit on natural logs ... further north, the bears would remind them about polar co-ordinates ...
8th of 7, Nov 12 2019
  

       Ah, the 'ol trickonometry angle. The lengths some folks will go to while scalene the walls of ignorance.   
      
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