Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Fakequake

For non-quake-prone places
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Out in the Colonies they apparently have these things called earthquakes, where the ground wobbles. This is to do with some technicality about foreign places not being as solidly fixed to the ground, or possibly is to do with being a long way from England, which means the connection to the Greenwich Meridien is weaker. Or possibly it is connected to speaking in funny foreign lingos.

Anyway, there is the possibility that honest folk in the Shires might miss out on the thrill and novelty of being in an Earthquake, and so I propose that a proportion of new-build houses and luxury apartment blocks incorporate hydraulic rams and floating plates within the foundations. Then, at arbitrarily chosen times, the rams can be actuated, thus shaking the building and ensuing a ready supply of hilarity and wobbly ornaments and pictures from those within.

pocmloc, Apr 19 2019

As long as nobody gets hurt they are fun. Earthquake_20Fun_20Scale
[doctorremulac3, Apr 19 2019]

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       You know, I can't help thinking... no, wait, I can.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 19 2019
  

       // Greenwich Meridien //   

       Sp. "Meridian", Pr. "Centre of the Universe".   

       Earthquakes and volcanoes are both the consequence of Plate Tectonics. Plate Tectonics are caused by a number of factors, including but not limited to (a) building your country in a stupid place, (b) not having a proper i.e. German Royal Family, (c) being unwilling or unable to spell or pronounce "Aluminium" correctly, and (d) not putting the milk in the cup before pouring the tea.   

       This can be proved by reference to Australia ; although it is built in a stupid place, it does manage to fulfill (b), (c) and (d) and is therefore free from earthquakes.   

       Similarly, Austria avoids earthquakes by a different selection of protective factors.
8th of 7, Apr 19 2019
  

       One earthquake knocked all the products off the shelves at a drugstore where I was buying a steam humidifier. I thought, "Whoa, gnarly! How cool!" (I am from California after all) until I remembered my recording studio, ran out the door forgetting I was holding this steamer thing, realized I could probably be shot for looting, turned around and rather than going back in and putting it on the now half empty shelves I just tossed in on one of the the piles of stuff on the floor and ran out.   

       Studio suffered minimum damage. Bunch of master tapes fell off the shelves, that's about it.   

       Anyway, I had to crouch down in a sort of football stance to not get knocked over. Luckily I'm a fine physical specimen with catlike reflexes and an innate capacity to not get shot for shoplifting.
doctorremulac3, Apr 19 2019
  

       It is perhaps noteworthy that the thing running through San Andreas is called a fault, not a feature.   

       Also, what's the point in humidifying steam?
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 19 2019
  

       As opposed to an ultrasonic humidifier.   

       It's just something we do here.
doctorremulac3, Apr 19 2019
  

       Ah, OK. We use rain.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 19 2019
  

       // what's the point in humidifying steam? //   

       Because "dry steam " really is a thing.   

       // catlike reflexes //   

       We hope you are not, however, any sort of cat - otherwise we will, slightly regretfully, have to kill you. Nothing personal, you understand.
8th of 7, Apr 20 2019
  

       I hope the Borg evolution didn't historically arise from a janitorial pest control protocol subroutine which has yet to be found and re-evolved.
wjt, Apr 20 2019
  

       Earthquake and Seismic Intensity Information) Issued at 22:07 JST 20 Apr 2019 3.7 magnitude (Japanese scale)...bit of slow day.
not_morrison_rm, Apr 20 2019
  

       //We hope you are not, however, any sort of cat//   

       Never been specifically told I wasn't a cat.
doctorremulac3, Apr 20 2019
  

       They have ... tech support say it'll be fixed in the next version.   

       Until then, there's a work-around.
8th of 7, Apr 20 2019
  
      
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