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Federal Rapture Policy

Who will collect taxes after the IRS agents are taken up to heaven?
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First the undisputed facts. 83% (ABC Poll) or 78% (CIA Factbook) of US citizens identify themselves as Christians. 71% in the UK, and at least 67% in Australia (CIA Factbook). There are estimates (there's at least a dubious source for this, trust me) that up to 40% of US Christians are dispensationalists or hold pre-tribulation Rapture beliefs. This means they think all Christians get zoomed up to heaven midsentence when the Rapture starts, leaving the movie star and the rest here to suffer through 7 years of bad luck until Jesus comes back. And the number of adherents is growing, with the popularity of Hal Lindsey, the Left Behind series, the Simpsons spoof of the Left Behind series.

So if at least one third of Americans believe this, why aren't there any 'just in case' plans floating around Washington? And why aren't the staunch believers coming up with some ideas, or maybe offering to stay behind on Earth to pitch in so the whole thing don't go to shambles? If I knew that millions would be in dire trouble I'd try to help them out, you know at least put away some canned goods for them, if that'd score some points with my God. Everyone, especially the unsaved, should be praying that the government has a plan they don't mention, praying that somebody's lookin out.

Like thinking you'll be alright if you pull out, you don't have to believe in pretrib or midtrib for it to affect you. Optimistically, 70% of the US population will be taken off the Earth either at the start of the seven year Rapture, halfway through it, or just maybe at the end with the damned 30% if we're real lucky. So probably there'll be a minimum three year period in which 30% of the population will have to survive with a crippled economy and the paralysizing expectation of impending eternal doom. Assuming we don't begin to prepare now, we may only have three years from the start of the tribulation until the disappearance of 70% of the labor force. Even if if turns out the 70% get taken up at the end of the seven years, when we all get got, we won't know when the trib starts. We could be thinkin they'll be around, when phwoosh, midtrib, they abandon our asses. We'll have to be in worst case scenario mode from the start, even if the Christians don't get raptured on the first day. And because "of that day and hour knoweth no man" (the Bible, you can tell becauseth the th) we need to begin preparations immediately. Congress needs to step up.

I recommend a non-Christian understudy present for all crucial occupations. Agnostic parents should be terrified if their unbelieving child is being driven to school by a Christian bus driver. Hazmat trucks, airplanes, police, fireman, prison guards, surgery staff, power plant workers. These all require onhand or oncall 'backup' workers.

While there should be an abundance of Catholic priests left behind, the public, now convinced of God's plan, may demand new priests. A team of agnostic and non-Christian theologians or lay persons should be trained as a sort of emergency fire brigade for the mass conversions. We'll need a ready supply chain for the tons of communion wine, wafers, and holy water.

If the Rapture started tommorow, no one would be left in the midwest. We need an atheist settler program that will relocate trained personnel to crucial hub areas to secure coast to coast transportation and infrastructure during the tribulation. This will ensure coastal blue states' access to Chicago dogs.

Old coots everywhere agree that nearly all government leaders will be left behind, though as most will have declared themselves to be Christians, the public will question their credibility, perhaps leading to an unprecedented widespread mistrust of politicians, and even reelections. According to Truly Tasteless Lawyer Jokes, an authoritative work in the field of lawyers and the afterlife, our legal system should fair quite well.

The absence of children should free up a good deal of public education money that will be needed for the war against the Beast, which will require an all faithless, reserve military. Military preparedness should take into account likely areas in which the Beast may rise to power. Focus might be placed on Las Vegas, sin city, Washington D.C., and the O.C.

From what I've read at the website that's taught me everything I think I know about Judgement Day, wikipedia, not raptureready.com, there's alot of controversy around the whole thing. That leads me to wonder if it can be avoided. Not by converting the 17% in the US but with big goverment. Maybe with Programs to support mass prayers to God to change his/her mind/absolute totality, effectively lobbyists for a diplomatic resolution to this whole end of the world thing. Also maybe we should try a system of bribes in perpetuity, tithes if you prefer.

We really should try to avert this catastrophe, I mean 70% dead instantly with up to 100% within seven years. Without a doubt the Rapture is definitely as bad as cancer. If the US lets this one happen, It'll only have itself to blame, and God. The US Policy toward Ultimate Beings is underdeveloped and permissive. It's shocking. No one is taking this threat seriously. Maybe it's time for the country to take a hard line against deities that threaten to commit acts of Rapture.
miggavin, May 02 2006

Please write your conressman. http://www.house.gov/writerep/
[miggavin, May 02 2006]

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       Hmm... the gov will probably posthumously charge these people with tax evasion and sieze their assets. The fat cats will be happy for a while, until they raise taxes for the rest of us, cuz you know they'll be spending the windfall like a trailer chick at Walmart.
spacer, May 05 2006
  
      
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