Fingers are really great, aren't they? Indeed, there are few distal
body parts which provide more pleasure and utility.
Traditionally, all four fingers on one hand flex in the same direction
- towards the palm. This is all well and good, but the surgeons at
the MaxiFy Bodyshop have been
doing some thinking.
It's clear that people with fewer than the normal issue of fingers
often manage very well, and suffer no impairment unless they want
to play the piano or guitar. Equally, it's clear that pentadactyly is
something of an evolutionary accident. All of this implies that there
is some redundancy in having all four fingers bend the same way.
For a modest (but not falsely modest) fee, you can be one of the first
owners of a MaxiFy Figner!
The operation is almost naively simple. Using keyhole surgery, our
highly skilled and often trained surgeons will make a transverse cut
the metacarpal of your chosen finger. (The metacarpal is the
longish bone that runs from your wrist, through the palm, and up to
the first knuckle). They will also delicately snip the tendons,
alongside the metacarpal, which control the finger like puppet-
strings (the muscles that move your fingers are actually in your
After a couple of incisions and some skin-loosening, the entire finger
(including the first knuckle) is rotated axially by 180 degrees, the
metacarpal is re-joined using an intramedullary nail ("pin") and the
tendons are reconnected to their new partners.
Fortunately, there is no need for tedious vascular or neural surgery:
the blood vessels and nerves to the finger have enough stretch in
them to accommodate a half-twist around the revised metacarpal.
This means that healing is rapid, and you can expect to go home
after only up to as little as an average of 48 hours in our medical
facility. The revised digit should be useable after a further 2-3
The advantages of a figner are, we think, quite obvious. Whilst
using your three conventional fingers to type, write or perform other
tasks, your figner can be used to grip a pencil, cigarette or small
animal between the pad of the reversed digit and the back of your
hand. You will also be able to scratch that itch or pick that nose
whilst your three regular fingers are fully occupied
With practice, most figner owners find that they can oppose the
figner to the the thumb, across the back of the hand, further
enhancing its utility.
Clearly, MaxiFy Bodyshop would not wish to suggest or imply that the
sexual possibilities provided by a figner will in any way improve your
appeal to members of your preferred sex.