Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Fish Tank Moat

For better fish tank castle protection
 
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So you’ve got a nice big fish tank with a nice big fish tank castle. A couple of the fish even like to hang out inside the castle (when they’re not busy with any of their other important fish activities). They seem happy and all is well.

But what if, in reality, all is not well? What if those fish are actually terrified of their little world? There are bubbles constantly coming up from through the rocks. Are they not sitting atop a ready-to-burst volcanic vent?

And that crazy little deep-sea diver is only two inches tall, but he is always diving from top to bottom and back again. Day and night he works - collecting some unknown treasure from right under the poor little fishes’ noses. What in the world could posses him to work with such diligence? Why does he steal from them so?

And then of course there is that crab living over in the human skull. It’s bad enough that he has sharp little claws, but on top of that, it seems that he has caught on and is in cahoots with the diver. Since the day he arrived, he has hardly left a single rock unturned. He picks through them and tosses them aside as if he’s laughing at the ignorance of the others. He even sometimes entices the suckerfish to come down from the wall and join him. The three of them combined are no doubt the most menacing group this tank has ever seen.

So no, your little castle fish are not really happy at all. They are hiding for their lives within those castle walls. And what does every castle need before it can be a true safe haven? A moat of course.

The Fish Tank Moat comes in two general designs: solid walled and caged. The idea is the same for either design. By placing a cylinder of impenetrable material around the castle, the fish can rest at ease knowing that their moat is keeping the black knight at bay. The caged design is recommended for most fish, as it allows for the best water circulation, but in extreme cases, the solid walled moat provides the highest level of security. The floor-to-surface protection is broken only by a single door, which opens freely from the inside with a gentle push. Held closed from the outside by springs and such gadgets, it’s impenetrable to the evils that be.

But after they venture out, you ask, how do the castle fish get back in? Well, this is where the simplicity of the design is thrown out the window in favor for a series of infrared detectors that can positively ID each fish and allow for the door to open or remain locked accordingly. Easy, see?

Get yours today and let your fish begin to feel at ease. Accessories sold separately. Batteries not included.

luecke, Jul 02 2004

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       what the hell is happening to Hb today. Does July do funny things to people. You are all friggin nuts.
etherman, Jul 02 2004
  

       Get yours today--right after you get a really big fishtank. Well written! [+]
yabba do yabba dabba, Jul 02 2004
  

       i'll bite (+). if nothing else the description adds a level of drama to staring at a fishtank. never thought of the fish perspective. pixar should hop on this.
xclamp, Jul 02 2004
  

       Second Last paragraph bought this croissant
swimr, Jul 02 2004
  

       +1 lucky   

       oh, etherman just you wait till February...
po, Jul 02 2004
  

       This is the most hideously wonderful fish tank addition I have ever heard of...   

       Bread!
shapu, Jul 02 2004
  

       I don't think you need the ir detector stuff. Just make sure that not all fish leave at the same time and know how to let the others back in.
Worldgineer, Jul 02 2004
  

       [-] Fun to have the opportunity to get into the mind of a fish tank fish (would make a great Finding Nemo sequel), but....come on.
Pocketassreturn, Jul 02 2004
  
      
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