Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Floor ATM

For when you need more cash, but can't quite muster the coordination required to stand upright
  (+7, -2)
(+7, -2)
  [vote for,
against]

We've all encountered the situation in which we need more paper/plastic money, yet can't quite get it together to use a regular ATM.

The floor ATM solves this problem, by allowing even the most horizontal of drunkards to continue withdrawing funds until there are no more funds to withdraw.

Simply lie on the floor, allow your wallet to sink carpetwards, punch in some random digits, and the floor ATM gives you the funds you require to kick on through the night. The amount withdrawn is based purely on a model of the user's past behaviour, rather than what they actually type in, thus preventing the poor sap from accidentally gambling away his life savings or buying expensive coctails for everyone in the bar, rather than plonking down a safe $20 bet, or simply purchasing a few close friends and wellwishers a refreshing pot of ale.

The decadent lifestyle must continue, no matter the cost.

lobster, Dec 08 2001

While you're down there, feed the meter. http://www.halfbake...-o-meter#1003642580
Great for bordellos. [daruma, Dec 08 2001]

And don't forget that you're pissed http://www.halfbake..._2fforcet#998784051
All the hos says 'amen' [reensure, Dec 10 2001]

[link]






       I really do not want to promote such uncalled for drunken behaviour but I can't type for laughing.
po, Dec 08 2001
  

       I see a "win-win" business opportunity when used in conjunction with the bordello Comp-o-meter -- see link.
daruma, Dec 08 2001
  

       I'm with [po]. Oddly enough, I've always used this as a gauge as to when I need to quit.
phoenix, Dec 08 2001
  

       BAD BABY BUBBA
po, Dec 08 2001
  

       Har! Gets my vote. Now get down to that drawing board and INVENT it! Uh, by the way, can someone lend me fifty bucks?
snarfyguy, Dec 09 2001
  

       I like this. But it'd need some form of accompanying device which would return you to a (vaguely) upright position afterwards. Either that or invent a floor bar. Mmmmmmm.
salachair, Dec 10 2001
  

       Would it have a breathaliser to ascertain just how drunk you are? It could then give you a pre-arranged amount of cash accordingly. As much as you like when you're sober, and less and less as the amount of alcohol in your system increases. Perhaps all ATMs should have that.
stupop, Dec 10 2001
  

       "...accessing my account..."   

       Is that a euphemism?
phoenix, Dec 11 2001
  
      
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