Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Flying Goldfish Mail Transfer Protocol

Elegant intra-office messaging
 
(+1, -1)
  [vote for,
against]

A goldfish crossed with a flying fish would be small, attractive, domesticated and best of all, flying: a golden arrow flashing through the air. They could hop merrily from one bowl to another (of course flying fish do not really fly, they merely glide for a while) over distances of a couple of metres. Far enough to reach a bowl on the desk across from you, or maybe even Louise's desk across the aisle. Messages could be rolled up and placed into small, waterproof, clear plastic cannisters attached to the dorsal fin ready for transmission. The recipient's name is written on the outside of the roll for easy identification. Fish could hop happily from one bowl to another until they arrive at the correct desk.

Now, I can see your mouse hovering over the 'against' button, bones at the ready, because you think this impractical. Not so fast, Doubting Thomas. How long will it take to deliver a message? Well let's assume one jump every minute. At 100 desks, given many repeat jumps and errors, maybe 500 minutes on average. Not efficient enough for the modern office. But if you place a dose of amphetamines in the fish water, you could speed this up to one jump a second - that's an 8.3 minute average delivery speed. Faster than my internal mail. The water would of course have to be cleaned in the evening so that the tired workers could sleep.

How about the accuracy? It is after all unreasonable to expect a mere fish to hit one of a few fishbowls within the surrounding few metres. But a small team of dwarfs armed with spatulas or barbeque flippers could easily scoop up the ones that miss, and "flip!" into the nearest bowl they go.

Beautiful and easily achievable - a truly desirable messaging system.

wagster, Aug 23 2004

RFC 1149 http://www.ietf.org/rfc/rfc1149.txt
prior art [krelnik, Oct 04 2004]

Sony Post Pet http://www.postpet.so-net.ne.jp/v3plus/
The children's virtual version of what you describe. [jutta, Nov 16 2004]

[link]






       Check your fishmail - it's near the title - I sent you a message. Why not just one big tank? Or tubes. I think this would work better with fish tubes.
Worldgineer, Aug 23 2004
  

       Why not a big tank? Because everyone would have to work in it! What are you talking about?   

       Yes tubes would work better. But then the fish wouldn't get to fly...   

       BV - who's Fifi?
wagster, Aug 23 2004
  

       But.... no dwarves?
wagster, Aug 23 2004
  

       How about this. Get rid of the tanks. All you need is a fish in a fishball, well trained to roll to the proper destination.
Worldgineer, Aug 23 2004
  

       Organic coffee has an amphetamine. And coffee exists in the office anyway.
Worldgineer, Aug 23 2004
  

       Dwarves scare me.
Machiavelli, Aug 24 2004
  

       It would probably just get ink all over everything, [UnaBubba].
Machiavelli, Aug 24 2004
  

       For a moment i forgot what/who Fifi was. I was thinking Fish Fidelity, an alternative name for the idea.
swamilad, Aug 24 2004
  

       I still like Fifi's 'Fishmail' - very much to the point.
wagster, Aug 24 2004
  

       I suspect the fish might struggle with the size of some attachments. Would it hang around waiting to return the read receipt? Would... oh forget it this is just silly.
dobtabulous, Aug 24 2004
  

       Good to see you around, UB!
krelnik, Aug 24 2004
  

       This sounds quite apple-ish, for some odd reason.
adamosity, Aug 24 2004
  
      
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