h a l f b a k e r y
Invented by someone French.
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Carefully walled off highways stretching from a major channel port to Spain/Germany
Since retirement, my parents have become migratory
creatures. When the days start getting a little shorter
the daily risk of rain goes from "probable" to "inevitable"
they pack up a motorized house and head to the coast of
Spain/Portugal. In this way, they can continue their daily
of getting up obscenely early, watching British
TV, drinking tea, commenting on the weather and
half way through a crossword before falling asleep in a
lawn chair because of the obscenely early start. It
many of these migratory British settle into colonies to
enjoy the benefits of bulk buying brown sauce and the
communal pool of Danielle Steel novels. They interact
the Spanish/Portuguese in the time honored way,
infrequently and with stoic use of loud English. This is
Now, the problem. These people, veterans, hardened tax
payers and career low level benefit fraudsters that they
are, bring much needed business to the coasts of
and Spain during the off season. To get there, they must
travel individually or in small groups THROUGH FRANCE.
Eventually, like tired antelope they must stop for fuel,
water or to attend to a prostate-related issue... then
BOOM! they are exposed to a hole-in-the-ground toilet, a
little restaurant with a family drinking excellent wine
their children voluntarily wolf down oysters. To the
average British pensioner this is nothing short of tactical
deployment of weaponized culture.
I propose a fully enclosed highway from whichever
port is doing the best ferry deals, or enables them to
off at Steve & June's place, to the Spanish border. Within
this structure, you may drive, on the left, from an
overpriced little chef to one of those really-quite-
reasonable M&S service stations or if you hold on there
might be a Sainsbury's... all while unmolested by French
I suspect that this would be so popular that a branch-line
to Germany may be required.
Ferries from Portsmouth to Spain
[hippo, Aug 04 2014]
Spanish north Europe colonies
[not_morrison_rm, Aug 06 2014]
||Sp. "france" or "arrogant smelly obnoxious foreign bastards"
||A bypass is undercooking it. What we need is a superaccellerator built from the midlands to south coast of England, ending in a ramp large enough to send the motorhomes in a graceful arc high over French airspace, windows frosting in the stratospheric chill, falling now towards the earth, rear bumper scraping on a Pyrenee before making a graceful bellyflop in a mud churned piggery field. Next to a Sainsbury's.
||//from the midlands to south coast of England//
||Sort of an M6 Toll extension? I consider the old
Birmingham bypass a successful feasibility study for
||Probably best to phone the Germans and say"
Sorry, as you were
bit of a mixed signal in
1944, there, just go ahead and concrete over
the entire country, we're not bothered, oh by
the way can you include belgium in that ?"
||Within a decade, there'd be nothing between
Lille and Marseilles but a smooth, shining
autobahn, punctuated by airfields and high-
speed train lines.
||I have plans for Belgium. I plan to hold it in reserve.
Whenever an international emergency develops,
think Balkans/Rwanda/Crimea whatever... Belgium
will be deployed. By flooding the emergency area
with a population of educated, bureaucratic and
slightly dull people I think it will dilute the situation
immeasurably. After all, no one wants the negative
PR that come of firing an RPG at a 500 year old
brewery, and anyone that interrupts the supply of
Chimay will surely reap an international whirlwind?
||May I volunteer some places in England for the bypass
treatment? Some bypasses ought to be bypassed, too.
||It's amazing really, the opportunity was there. While
digging the Channel Tunnel, why didn't they just
||Although my Mum will have nothing to do with
||What a dull family you must have.
||You mention going on the Channel Tunnel or the
unmentionable Santander ferry to my mum, and you'll
life was dull.
||Help for the geographically-challenged Yankee, please. Diagrams welcome. I am trying to picture Euro in my head. I am aware that most of it is in a clump, and England is off to the side with water around. But the clump part - there is only one way on? I thought the Spanish Armada started in Spain then washed up on Irish shores and fathered the Black Irish, or something of the sort. Take their route in reverse, maybe? Washing up / fathering bits optional. Not clear to me if Irishland is in between but if so, less worries about the excellent wine.
||To be fair, a car ferry exposed to the autumnal
Atlantic is no fun
||This could be a new type of surgery. Doctors doing
bypass surgery wearing berets! (drinking wine,
drawing the Eiffel tower in blood, and making quiche
with your left-over body parts.)
||Im sure the french government would be happy to
fund this. Even gerard depardiu will get behind it.
||//I thought the Spanish Armada started in Spain then washed up on Irish shores and fathered the Black Irish,
||Yes, that's absolutely correct (reaches surreptitiously for the tranquilliser dart gun and large butterfly net).
||This is probably not the point to mention than Belgium and Luxembourg were part of Spain once, kind of sort of. C link.
||In the USA, there are bus trips to satisfy this desire
to stay culturally isolated.
||The old folks pile into a bus, head out to a casino 4
hours away, and have a cocoon in the bus, with
bathrooms, & even wifi now.