Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Front .. Front, front, frnt ft

Verbal parking sensors
  [vote for,

I just picked up a new car with audio parking sensors that bleep at you. The closer to the object, the closer together the bleeps are.

Trouble is, the sensors are all round the car and it's rather difficult to tell if it's a side sensor or a rear sensor that's causing the problem.

These verbal parking sensors say "Front", "Left", "Right" and "Rear" with increasing frequency as you approach objects, so you can easily differentiate and steer accordingly.

jonthegeologist, Feb 02 2006

cane toad http://www.amonline...sheets/canetoad.htm
/bliss/ [nth, Feb 05 2006]

IMDB: Cane Toads (1988) http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0130529/
blissmiss! Over here! [jutta, Feb 05 2006]


       Fron-ba-lef-right. [+]
st3f, Feb 02 2006

       Oh! Yes! I've been in one of those beepy cars. It really is terribly disorienting when navigating multi-boundary environments like parking garages. So, good idea. Any sort of different signals would be - it doesn't have to be language.
jutta, Feb 02 2006

       The sounds of different instruments should be synthesised for the different sensors:

Front: Trumpet
Left: Clarinet
Right: Xylophone
Back: London Symphony Orchestra
hippo, Feb 02 2006

       Use the car's speakers (which are nicely set up for surround-sound, a fact mostly ignored by car stereo manufacturers) to indicate exactly where the object is sensed.
Worldgineer, Feb 02 2006

       Like parking a submarine. +   

       Excellent suggestion [World]!
Shz, Feb 02 2006

       People would wonder where the chicken was while you were reversing.
Back, back back back. Back, ba-back back...
neutrinos_shadow, Feb 02 2006

       It would be great if those things could be tagged to scream bloody murder when you actually hit something.
shapu, Feb 02 2006

       "Don, don't look back, but we're being chased by an orchestra."
moomintroll, Feb 02 2006

       [World]. I think the problem with using the surround sound is that, as the driver doesn't sit in the middle of the car but rather to one side and at the front, the *precise* position of the beep might be hard to ascertain.
jonthegeologist, Feb 03 2006

       When did you last park a submarine [Shz]?
wagster, Feb 03 2006

       Great, just what I need - another voice telling me how to drive.
coprocephalous, Feb 03 2006

       Above...... above... above... above aboveaboveabve ab
Cuit_au_Four, Feb 03 2006

       [cuit au four] for submarines?
jonthegeologist, Feb 03 2006

       [wags], I parked a little one a couple of times, that didn't have 'curb feelers', but I've worked on the communications systems of the biggies. They have an active sonar feature (which is directional) that automatically pings when the last ping is received so as you approach something the pinging gets faster. This reminded me of that. I couldn't actually drive one of those, though - not in the Navy, too tall, and don't know how.
Shz, Feb 03 2006

       I take it that it will verbally chastise you if you get too close to something? "Now look at that, you almost hit the curb then you idiot".
hidden truths, Feb 03 2006

       "Left hand down a bit"
DrCurry, Feb 03 2006

       If you make it musical, one would be inclined to use their car as a musical instrument by driving it around a course of obsticles just to hear the different sounds.
Jscotty, Feb 03 2006

       Wow [Shz], didn't expect that.
wagster, Feb 03 2006

       (Sexy voice secretary)...oooh baby, a little to the right, more, more, just a lil' more, ahhhh...
blissmiss, Feb 03 2006

       I *want* that in my car [bliss].
wagster, Feb 03 2006

       me too, but it's bound to be Italian and out of my price range.
jonthegeologist, Feb 03 2006

       //didn't expect that// Wot, you thought it was just a wise-ass comment... from me of all people? Sheesh. <snicker>   

       I miss my speedometer, the one with the sexy voice, but she was very straightforward, not so enchanting. Can we get some audio with that, [bliss]?
Shz, Feb 03 2006

       Yugo, grrrl.
bristolz, Feb 03 2006

       For pigeons, [jonthegeologist].
Cuit_au_Four, Feb 04 2006

       Voting for this, not only because the idea deserves it, but also because of the sheer overwhelming quality of all of the annos so far. [+]   

       As for the submarine angle, I'd love a dash-mounted sonar - green display showing nearby objects as dots.
david_scothern, Feb 04 2006

       A sonar-themed SatNav system in your car? That sounds like a good idea.
Cuit_au_Four, Feb 04 2006

       I demand an illustration by bris, or at the very least a link to, whatever in hell is a cane toad. (Please, please, pretty please?)
blissmiss, Feb 04 2006

       Oh, blissmiss. There's a really great, funny, scary documentary you haven't seen yet, then.   

       below. below. below. below. below. below. below. below. be...
jutta, Feb 05 2006

       One of the best documentaries ever made!
Laimak, Feb 05 2006

elhigh, Feb 05 2006

       That can't be a real movie. Can it? And for real, they look like little cute toadies, that's all.   

       Now back to this great idea, sorry jon.
blissmiss, Feb 05 2006

       Do the rear ones direct you, (the others just warn for collision) if you're in reverse / Vice verse for when you're in 1st?   

       "Back... back.. back. backback<BANG>{Airbags}STOP!"   

       or "Loadsaroom...Come on! Get on with it! You could get a bus through that! Tut...Nagh, Agh! That's OK, that's what bumpers(fenders) are for"   

       Particularly annoying when someone sticks a bit of chewing-gum wrapper over one of the rear sensors, and it keeps going off when you put it in reverse.   

       O/T - I'd like a visual head-up display (on the wing-mirrors, rear-view mirror and windscreen) with the old Game "Elite" 3D display.
Dub, Feb 05 2006

       no problem [bliss], the annoations are much more entertaining than the idea ... yours was particularly memorable!
jonthegeologist, Feb 05 2006

       Going off to look for "Cane Toads" right now.
wagster, Feb 05 2006

       Somehow I sense this all ties together, as in Cane Toad Sandwiches and a fresh, cold glass of milk.
blissmiss, Feb 05 2006

       ... and there you were earlier presenting these animals as bad news.
jonthegeologist, Feb 06 2006

       Perhaps that is where the whole "kiss a toad, get a prince" fable came from. (Or lick a toad, whichever the case.)
blissmiss, Feb 06 2006

       Ha! Just watched the fascinating "Cane Toads", it confirms all my suspicions about both toads and Aussies. I had always wondered where the stoner expression "getting caned" came from, but I think I figured it out during the interview with the confused hippie smoking a cane toad venom joint. Remember kids: just say no to toads.
wagster, Feb 11 2006

       <British TV Reference><Remembers Grange Hill 1980s>Everytime I see the phrase Just say no, I get the urge to sign it</RGH1980s></BTVR>
jonthegeologist, Mar 23 2006


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