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Giant Cannibal Spider-Chickens

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(+6, -2)
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Produced by selective breeding and entirely without the use of GM magic, these eight-foot tall beasts have no stance on, nor involvement in, the catholic church or gay marriage. Nor do they hold any deep-seated ill-judged dislikes of any televisual science presenters.

By roving at will amongst a terrified population, they will restore a sense of calm, determined inventiveness and drive humanity toward ever greater peaks of perfection in the realm of portable lasers and custard-compensated microwave weapons.

MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 06 2013

Halfbakery: Cuckoo based Pterodactyl Reintroduction Cuckoo based Pterodactyl Reintroduction
A different species, and a different introduction vector - however I see some synergy here in terms of the same general ends - i.e. the creation/introduction of a suitably unifying threat around which the entire human race can properly put aside their various differences. [zen_tom, Feb 07 2013]

Taking the piss. http://25.media.tum...m01rlrhw5o1_500.jpg
Is that the right expression? [2 fries shy of a happy meal, Feb 07 2013]

he took you seriously http://1.bp.blogspo...0/SpiderChicken.png
[xandram, Feb 07 2013]

[link]






       Baked. I can see them out of my window at this very moment. Oh, no, sorry, my mistake. Those are giant scorpion-turkeys. The claws, stinging tail and wattles give the game away. As you were.
DrBob, Feb 06 2013
  

       Libertarian fascists. Now there's something novel...
RayfordSteele, Feb 06 2013
  

       Do they taste like spider?
lurch, Feb 06 2013
  

       Immediate bun. These creatures are quite possibly the missing element in my latest anti-Cervus Displacia system. Please deliver no fewer than thirteen of your finest Giant Cannibal Spider-Chickens to the Department of Offensive Zoology at the east wing annex of the Heathen Institute for Inadvisably Applied Science and Chronological Malfeasance. A substantial bonus will be arranged if they are behaviorally conditioned to react violently to any species of teleporting ruminant.
Alterother, Feb 06 2013
  

       //Please deliver no fewer than thirteen// These things tend to flock, so I believe that substantially more than thirteen may be heading your way at this moment. They are inherently conditioned to react violently to any species; specifically specifying specific species would be specious.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 06 2013
  

       I can work with that.
Alterother, Feb 06 2013
  

       I like them not.
blissmiss, Feb 06 2013
  

       Will they lay their eggs in your brain?
UnaBubba, Feb 06 2013
  

       Dunno why the populace would be terrified: they only go after the smell of shoe-leather and soap-flakes combined.
FlyingToaster, Feb 06 2013
  

       Because they may have been using Rentisham's …?   

       Is there a bag limit on these things ? We haven't had an excuse to load up the 'ol le.IG 18 since New Year …
8th of 7, Feb 06 2013
  

       //Will they lay their eggs in your brain?// Very, very unlikely. They are viviparous.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 06 2013
  

       [Max] hasn't mentioned it here but the famous wax is actually exuded from a pair of glands on the rear end of each of these critters.
UnaBubba, Feb 06 2013
  

       Only if they eat it to excess. A full list of ingredients is available on the Rentisham's web-page site.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 06 2013
  

       //Is there a bag limit on these things ?// I don't believe so. The highest verified total is 417 in one day, but there are anecdotal reports of them killing as many 700 people.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 06 2013
  

       [Max], could you please set them loose in the US midwest and deep south? They need to find a rational reason to have all of those firearms.
UnaBubba, Feb 06 2013
  

       Wait a minute! These things are cannibals? So they eat each other? That's a self-limiting problem, [Max]. They need more inbreeding.
UnaBubba, Feb 06 2013
  

       Yes, please set them loose in the Bible Belt, and breed a sub-arctic variety for the ideological cleansing of Alaska and New Hampshire.
Alterother, Feb 06 2013
  

       The white ones will just turn brown if you set them loose in Alaska, won't they?
UnaBubba, Feb 06 2013
  

       Other way 'round, I'm afraid.   

       // le.IG 18 //   

       You needn't resort to the heavy artillery, Borg. My initial estimates suggest that a well-placed .338 will be sufficient, and so much more sporting.
Alterother, Feb 06 2013
  

       On behalf of Canada, we protest the caging of such fine creatures and suggest that most of our larger urban centres would make a suitable habitat.   

       No need to give them rifles; some Pepto Bismol perhaps.   

       If we could have their eating habits tuned towards "human, Liberal" perhaps ?
FlyingToaster, Feb 06 2013
  

       // eating habits tuned towards "human, Liberal" //   

       You ARE aware that "liberal" means different things in different parts of the world, right?   

       In Russia it means anti-communist.
In Australia it means conservative.
In America it means slightly to the right of Genghis Khan.
UnaBubba, Feb 06 2013
  

       Thank Dog somebody understands these matters...
normzone, Feb 06 2013
  

       It was the Maori who wiped them out... along with the earlier colonists in NZ, quite a lot of the trees, etc.
UnaBubba, Feb 06 2013
  

       Erm, if they are cannibal, then surely only humans who have unwisely donned a giant cannibal spider-chicken costume will be at risk?
not_morrison_rm, Feb 07 2013
  

       Not really, [n m rm].   

       The expression "cannibalism" has been extended into zoology to mean one individual of a species consuming all or part of another individual of the same species as food, including sexual cannibalism.
UnaBubba, Feb 07 2013
  

       //if they are cannibal, then surely only humans who have unwisely donned a giant cannibal spider- chicken costume will be at risk?//   

       Sadly, their ability to discriminate species is very poor.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 07 2013
  

       //their ability to discriminate species is very poor.   

       We had a great-uncle like that, the hush money was astronomical.   

       //The expression "cannibalism"...consuming all or part of another individual of the same species as food   

       "of the same species" I am not the same species as a GCS-C. Can't we just use "carnivorous"?
not_morrison_rm, Feb 07 2013
  

       Ha! Nice find [xan]   

       Re. [bigsleep]'s link regarding large flightless birds - there is some evidence that a small species of moa survived in New Zealand until relatively recently, being domesticated by the Maoris and kept in the grassy central plaza of the village. These small(ish) birds were grazers, like geese, and kept the vegetation down in much the same way that sheep were once grazed on village greens. These, of course, were the first lawn moas.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 08 2013
  

       That's why many of [Max]'s 45,000 sheep bear an uncanny likeness to him and his ancestors.
UnaBubba, Feb 08 2013
  

       He has 45,000 sheep bear? Truly it must be like Island of Doctor Moreau out there..
not_morrison_rm, Feb 08 2013
  

       That's the trouble when you cross a fake English nobleman with a molecular biologist and introduce the product to the HB.
UnaBubba, Feb 08 2013
  

       The nobleman may be real, but some of the molecules are fake.   

       I was never taken in by those buckytubes which just happen to resemble Smarties tube painted black.
not_morrison_rm, Feb 09 2013
  

       // fake English nobleman//   

       He's right, you know - I'm half American.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 09 2013
  

       Egads.   

       So half of you wants to write a stiff letter to the Times and the other half would prefer something more...ballistic?
not_morrison_rm, Feb 09 2013
  

       Welcome to the halfbakery.
UnaBubba, Feb 10 2013
  
      
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