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Great Human Resources Managers of Our Time

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A really, really short series, just to make the point.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 19 2016

Readying the small assassins for the great corporate downsizing of 2008 http://www.hrgiger.com/images/baby.jpg
......Ok, that's a complete lie [not_morrison_rm, Jun 20 2016]

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       I have a sneaking suspicion you may have a candidate for the (other) list   

       out of curiosity.. just what exactly do human resources managers do?
Skewed, Jun 19 2016
  

       They seem to come in two types; the first type typically run concentration camps, espouse a dictatorial and absolutist ideology, are borderline psychopaths, treat humans as a mere resource to be exploited and then disposed of, and revel in the exercise of their petty power, often inflicting random and undeserved brutality and vicious pointless torture to those unfortunates in their power.   

       The second type are typically employed by medium and larger commercial enterprises, espouse a dictatorial and absolutist ideology, are full-blown clinical psychopaths, treat humans as a mere resource to be exploited and then disposed of, and revel in the exercise of their petty power, invariably inflicting random and undeserved brutality and vicious pointless torture to those unfortunates in their power. They're by and large significantlt less compassionate and likeable the first sort.   

       It would be possible to create a "Human Resources Manager Hall of Fame" as part of the show. Some telephone boxes in remote locations experience very little visitor traffic - the Hall of Fame could be accommodated with ease, and still leave plenty of space for some rubber plants, a water dispenser, and one of those four-sided leaflet racks for other attractions,
8th of 7, Jun 19 2016
  

       //just what exactly do human resources mangers do?/   

       Human Resources Managers are there as a conscience-buffer between corporate policy and human decency. In this respect, they are equivalent to the combustion chamber of a flamethrower: "Obviously, I have no particular desire* to douse you with burning diesel; however, since the diesel valve is open and since the ignition coil is turned on, the procedure is that you will be doused with burning diesel."   

       (*This is, of course, a lie. Human Resources Managers either moisten or erect - depending on gender - when performing their functions; but that is irrelevant.)
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 19 2016
  

       // combustion chamber ... diesel ... ignition coil //   

       <notes that, despite the incident perpetrated by his second cousin Peng Li at last summer's garden party and soap-carving competition, and attending the resultant inquests, [MB] still has a very limited understanding of flamethrowers and their methods of operation>   

       // I have no particular desire* to douse you with burning diesel //   

       How odd.
8th of 7, Jun 19 2016
  

       //second cousin Peng Li// Please do try harder to muster your facts, [8th]. Peng Li is, of course, only a third cousin. Known in his home-town as "The Man With No Toes*", he is related to us only through his mitochondrial genome. Also, FYI, it was not a "soap- carving competition" but just part of the regular close-quarters combat training for the security staff.   

       (*This is strange, because of course he has a full set of toes. "The Man With No Attached Toes" would be more accurate.)
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 19 2016
  

       The interesting thing is that Human Resources is a constructed pseudoscience based on actual lies. And the double-glazing salespeople employed in HR actually believe it! In this respect it qualifies as a religion.
Ian Tindale, Jun 19 2016
  

       I have a close friend who was an H.R. Director. She got fired though for being human. Not H.R. anymore. Works at a grocery store in customer service, and she shines. So I vote for her to be honored.
blissmiss, Jun 20 2016
  

       // Not H.R. anymore //   

       The award isn't for ex-HR managers, tho ....
8th of 7, Jun 20 2016
  

       //H.R. Director   

       HR as in HR Giger? That tends to make some sense...the talons, the slavering drool, no conscience...
not_morrison_rm, Jun 20 2016
  

       Don't forget the armored skin, the acidic blood, and the ability to run on ceilings... yes, that's where he must have got the idea for Alien.   

       Of course, he had to tone them down a bit.
8th of 7, Jun 20 2016
  

       The HR professor who lectured us defined the science of HR to be 'How to make the bastards work harder for less money'.
bhumphrys, Jun 20 2016
  

       I'm not sure HR Managers operate on quite that level. I think they just enjoy the power they have by virtue of following orders.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 20 2016
  

       I'm going to stop commenting from now on, and since I never think up good ideas anymore, that means you can all kiss my ass goodbye. I can't believe all the nit picking that goes on here. Geeezzz. I'll see you on the other side, buggers.
blissmiss, Jun 20 2016
  

       Ok, I'm back. My skin thicker, my sword sharpened.
blissmiss, Jun 21 2016
  
      
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