Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
It might be better to just get another gerbil.

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Happy Hen Crap Packer

egg-laying add-on
  (+13, -15)
(+13, -15)
  [vote for,

This invention consists of three subsystems: the fecal chopper-shaper, the poo packer including its stock of potato starch egg shell halves and lastly the hygienic rinse mechanism. Compact and appealing in form, the Happy Hen Crap Packer mounts snugly under the toilet ring to segment, encapsulate and seal; clean, quiet and odor-free.

Initiated by its pressure sensitive butt plate, Happy Hen packs up to a dozen white or tan eggs at a time, ending with a satisfied hen’s “cluck....Cluck...CLUCK..C L U C K!” to later rinse its innards with flush water. The egg shells break down within 30 minutes in sewage.

In addition to a 12 gross sack of shells, your crap packer order will include a complimentary, elastic ring cover with faux straw decor.

FarmerJohn, Jul 30 2005

"shore is quiet in here" Bakery_20Celeste
[calum, Aug 03 2005]

"yee-ah, shore is" Tumbleweed_20Dispenser
[calum, Aug 03 2005]

Maybe it's just too hot lately? Chill_20Iraq
[sophocles, Aug 12 2005]


       There's a joke in here somewhere about "Sunny-side up"...
Ichthus, Jul 30 2005

       Or something about the sun shining out of his...
froglet, Jul 30 2005

       Since it's my dog's day ... mmm, what was the command for 'sit'?
reensure, Jul 30 2005

       Nice attempt at slipping a shit one by.
blissmiss, Jul 31 2005

       I had this vision of being a mother hen laying five clinically clean, shiny shelled eggs and viewing them with pride before flushing.
FarmerJohn, Jul 31 2005

       "... viewing them with pride before posting the contents to the halfbakery, where they are welcomed with cheers by my many fans."   

       Now quick, post another one about tits!
jutta, Jul 31 2005

       Go to hell, bitch!
FarmerJohn, Jul 31 2005

       please. don't do this...
po, Jul 31 2005

blissmiss, Jul 31 2005

       FJ, cut her some slack... she deserves it.
po, Jul 31 2005

       Can we *not* bring this down to taking sides? I know there have been issues before, but they passed. If this idea were deleted, the mud slinging would go as well, and maybe a little time would help bring perspective.   

       I dunno. First UB, and now FJ? I always feel such a sense of history here.
blissmiss, Jul 31 2005

       I liked the idea, and I like the HB.

On a practical note, with the mechanism interposed between your butt and the pan, I don't see how you get to admire your, errr, results. Is the fourth of the three subsystems a CCTV?
Basepair, Jul 31 2005

       I like it.   

       What happened to [UBizzy]?
Texticle, Jul 31 2005

blissmiss, Jul 31 2005

       I don't get the idea at all. Seems to be somewhere beyond pointless.
krelnik, Jul 31 2005

       And so the total tally of pointless, to pointed, is...
blissmiss, Aug 01 2005

       The point is to take something satisfying, add three subsystems, and make it more so.   

       /UBanned/ Whoa, I'm staggered. <tentative> Why?
Texticle, Aug 01 2005

       I'm sorry, but your user name is far too close to...
blissmiss, Aug 01 2005

       //UBanned// = UnaBubba?
Basepair, Aug 01 2005

       I don't get this idea... what's it supposed to umm... do? Make a Hen lay its Eggs and then crack them open?   

       Sorry, I just really don't see what it is supposed to do.   

       PS: not trying to be sarcastic or anything, I just really don't get the idea. Nice use of vocabulary though :D . I know I could never come up with something that driven. I just have spent to much time on the net reading badly written stuff and my friends l337-speak.
EvilPickels, Aug 01 2005

       Farewell John. You will be missed.   

       The place has an eerie echo now.
blissmiss, Aug 01 2005

       What is going on here?
pooduck, Aug 01 2005

       // "... viewing them with pride before posting the contents to the halfbakery, where they are welcomed with cheers by my many fans." //   

       Level scores suggests not.   

       Hope you stay around FJ.
jonthegeologist, Aug 01 2005

Basepair, Aug 01 2005


       [edit] Suddenly realising the meaning of [UBizzy] and kicking myself for not understanding sooner. I am agog.
david_scothern, Aug 02 2005

       The first word of this idea is "Happy" sheeez, what is going on here people?
skinflaps, Aug 02 2005

       Does anyone care to clue us people not in the know as to why one of the most prominent bakers in this place has been banned then?
hidden truths, Aug 02 2005

       I don't know - there is something cuddly, comforting and cosy about the mental image of a nesting mother hen, so I can't really say that this one is gross-out. I think I've got to bun it.
Don't really understand [jutta]'s reaction, but hey, who's site is it anyway? Past issues?
coprocephalous, Aug 02 2005

       sure. [Unabubba] and [El Dorado Jr] were exchanging unpleasantries via annotations on an idea last week.
jonthegeologist, Aug 02 2005

       Is [El] gone?   

       What a hero, that [UnaBubba].   

       Though, seriously, maybe they can work it out and come back, no? Maybe [UB] should just give him a few noogies.
daseva, Aug 02 2005

       everything is possible ... but many like to take a break from the 'bakery from time to time to refresh batteries. We may see either/or back at some stage.
jonthegeologist, Aug 02 2005

       I don't see what all the fuss is about - what do you expect in the "Home: Toilet" category?
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Aug 02 2005

       Are they banned or merely 'spending more time with their families'?
Basepair, Aug 02 2005

       Blissmiss - //Go to hell, bitch!// what who?
Basepair, Aug 02 2005

       You got me...I thought I knew this place and had some clue as to the personalities of the players. Now I know I'm in the Twilight Zone.
normzone, Aug 02 2005

       Me too :-( It's becoming a little like real life - way beyond my understanding.
Basepair, Aug 02 2005

       Let me enlighten you. Don't care if they mind or not.   

       The site owner has recently banned access to Unabubba, one of the more prolific contributors to the site, as I understand it because of comments made indicating intolerance with trolls and crap ideas posted by idiots that abound of late. Comments no different than I myself have made recently, and I'm still here. (Not for long, though.)   

       She has also seen fit to make attempts at humiliating comments, such as she has made above, to Farmer John, who has more ideas here than anyone else. Amazing artist, uncanny imagination, prolific thinker. True, this particular idea is not one of his shining moments of glory, but that doesn't make him deserving of the biting sarcasm he gets at every turn, and always has gotten, from what I am to understand, from the bakesperson. Never understood why she had this negative attitude toward him and his success here. Anyway, he's had enough of her crap and has left the site.   

       We are by far the worse for it. Between the two of them, they accounted for almost 5% of the ideas on this site. I personally think the site owner's attitude toward them was unfair and unwarranted, out of line and completely uncalled for.   

       If this is the regard the site owner has for these contributors who have given so much time and imagination and personality toward making this site the success that it is, then I see no reason to remain a part of it any longer. I've had enough of the crap too.   

       Screw that. Seeya.
waugsqueke, Aug 02 2005

       You'll be missed, [waugs] (you too, [John]). Thank you for not deleting your account.
Worldgineer, Aug 02 2005

       :-( This was the closest I ever got to finding a "community" online (guess I'm a little slow at this kind of thing), so I have no perspective on this kind of thing, or on the lifetimes and evolution of sites.
Basepair, Aug 02 2005

       Back when the the bakery was very young, it didn't have stars and trolls to any real extent. It was all about the ideas. It's an online community, sure, but a tense one that toys at its own edges, because it was designed to be about the ideas. FJ has in almost all cases expanded the halfbakery universe without stooping to warmed-over rehashes. He's been about the ideas as much as anyone, and as humble as anyone could ask about recognition. He's made me laugh, educated me, and made me think about things in ways I never would've before. Just because they're not serious advancements in technology doesn't mean they're not valuable in that regard. It's about the lateral thinking process.   

       While I doubt jutta's comment was meant as seriously as it was taken, it was a bit harsh.   

       No system is perfect. There will be change, abuse, evolution, in any community. And there will always be this tension: is it about the ideas or about the exploration? The technology or the humanity that it serves? I dunno. The tension itself is half the point. The simple fact that we bemoan so much when certain bakers leave, are booted, etc. tells me that in order to keep the site about the ideas, every so often the pedestals need to be cut down to size. I understand why jutta said it, if it was a little cruel.   

       Everybody go back to your corners.
RayfordSteele, Aug 02 2005

       Lotsa corners, I reckon.   

       It's like my Pops always used to say, "Everyone shits."   

       Though [FJ]'s shit gets packed into pretty little eggs before taking its plunge. Damn him!
daseva, Aug 03 2005

       I'm disappointed by all this - [UB} and [waugs] could always be relied upon to judge a put-down to a pretty good degree of accuracy - enough to discourage the trolls and schools-out time-wasters, usually without causing too much offence.
[FarmerJohn] was simply a treasure; whimsical, witty, erudite and unerringly accurate in detecting the essence of what made the HB so attractive (I almost said zeitgeist).
The HB is a poorer place today. I predict a further fall in the signal-to-noise ratio.
//but hey, nobody's perfect// Speak for your elf, buster.
So long, everyone. It's been fun.
TolpuddleSartre, Aug 03 2005

       Haven't we filmed this episode at least once before?

The way I see it, if you want to needle each other, go ahead, but neither of you has anything to prove - [FarmerJohn] must be one of the most highly croissanted bakers ever, and [jutta] created the halfbakery so in a way every single croissant is hers. Why not just hate each other's guts safe in the knowledge that you're both awesome, like squabbling Greek gods?

Sad farewells also to [UB], [waugs] and [Tolpuddle], hope you guys stop by again sometime.
DocBrown, Aug 03 2005

       The HB is greater than the sum of its parts.   

       I wonder what their words are gonna taste like when they come back...
daseva, Aug 03 2005

       No [daseva], I won’t be back. I promise you and any other interested bakers that, and I feel I owe an explanation. I’ve enjoyed the chuckles, the inspiration and the edification through the years here, but have now had enough of the negativity.   

       I still don’t get it [jutta]. Why do you seem to hate me so that you feel you must publicly humiliate me? It can’t be the clichés, the puns, the alliterations, the quantity/quality ratio? Is it a misguided paranoia of my imagined band of fans? You ban [UnaBubba] for harsh language but then call my ideas shit. That’s hypocrisy.   

       Did the whimsical bra idea and toilet idea grate? Do they bother the sensitivities of someone who gladly discussed a vibrating tampon in the media? It’s probably the prerogative of a site owner to make guests do as she says, not as she does. Sure, it’s your site and your arbitrary rule(s). That’s power and (cliché) power corrupts, always.   

       [po] says you deserve some slack. I say I don’t deserve your spiteful putdowns, without warning. I’ve always treated the bakery and bakers (you included) with humility and respect. There’s been no hate, until now. Sluggish on the uptake and slow to get angry, I had to get (clichés) burned twice to learn my lesson.   

       There are many more bright ideas out there to be spawned by many new and old bakers, though maybe they’re not so many that they can be driven away on an impulse.
FarmerJohn, Aug 03 2005

       Bye Bye F.Johnny. I will sure miss you.
dentworth, Aug 03 2005

       I am speechless. Both of the bakers in this house, stand and applaud. Not because we are robotic, idiotic, mindless twits, but because of the integrity of a man, who has the courage to speak the truth.
blissmiss, Aug 03 2005

       I'm just sad. I still can't believe we've lost [FJ]. This is crazy.
david_scothern, Aug 04 2005

       Amen [d_s].
Ditto [dent]
coprocephalous, Aug 04 2005

       [Farmer], how will you halfbake?   

       I get the power bit, but there's (cliché) two sides of the coin. Actually, that's my only qualm with this whole deal: There's always two sides of the coin, no matter what a huffy human may think.
daseva, Aug 04 2005

       the truth is - the hb is bigger than any of us.
po, Aug 04 2005

       No, just more like earth.
Basepair, Aug 04 2005

       I'm confused. FJ gets a rag thrown at him for posting a crap idea. Yet this weather exchange, is what I was under the impression, was the most shunned ca-ca on the bakery. Is it ok for some folks to use this as their personal mailbox, or can we all do it?
blissmiss, Aug 05 2005

       eggsactly! it *is* a crap idea and even more so in that it led to FJ feeling it necessary to leave.
po, Aug 06 2005

       Unless my interpretation of the 6th and 7th annos is very wide of the mark, I don't think the *idea* had anything to do with [FJ] leaving.
DocBrown, Aug 08 2005

       Oh. Now I get it.   

       Had another user posted the sharp comment, would it be an issue of this scale or just another bump?   

       [jutta]'s just another user posting annotations that reflect how she thinks about a topic. Why treat her so differently? Is she not allowed to voice her opinion, regardless of the tone? Yes, she can ban users but so can a half dozen others on this site, most of whom can post a comment without having other users quit in response.
bristolz, Aug 12 2005

       Maybe you guys can all pretend your accounts were taken over by a hacker. He hacked in, he typed all these things, now he's gone. I won't tell if you don't.
GutPunchLullabies, Aug 12 2005

       [bris] indeed, but if another user posted a sharp comment, there would be personal feelings involved; the grievance would not be quickly forgotten. [Jutta] represents bakery authority... if she makes you feel unwelcome, you're officially unwelcome. I guess you expect someone who represents the site to really mean what they say. Rightly or wrongly, they don't get the leeway to blame it on a bad day at the office.   

       I don't know how [FJ] felt, but elsewhere if the hostess doesn't want you, it's probably sensible to leave the party. Not that I wanted [FJ] to go, I hasten to add.
david_scothern, Aug 12 2005

       I am a fan of FJ, but because of it, I have high expectations, not rubber stamps of approval. I would expect such a DaVinci to be a bit tempermental, yes, but hopefully also mature enough to deal with the occasional attack.   

       I don't pay for, or deserve, either FJ's great ideas, or jutta's great bakery. Do as you wish. Although I enjoy it, there is much more to life than this.
sophocles, Aug 12 2005

       [bris] to pick up on a few of your points:

//[jutta]'s just another user posting annotations that reflect how she thinks about a topic//
In this case her annotation was not a comment on the idea, her "topic" was her distaste for this idea, [FJ]'s ideas in general and her apparent resentment of his popularity on the HB.

//Why treat her so differently? Is she not allowed to voice her opinion, regardless of the tone?//
[ds] did a good job on this one - the HB creator tag carries a bit more weight than the rest of us around here, so of course she can say what she likes but people are likely to listen intently, as demonstrated by the large numbner of annos. and long running time of this idea. Given her personal history with John, she couldn't have expected this not to antagonise him, so to defend her as a "normal" user just exercising her bakery freedoms is a little disingenuous methinks.

My position was stated in an earlier post: I think they're both great and wish they and all the rest of us could get along and for there to be a surplus of kittens and pirates and a perma-blue sky.

That said, there's no point in pussyfooting around what happened here. [jutta] intended to wound [FJ], he responded in the worst way, and now he, [waugs] and [UB] are gone and the HB is worse for it.
DocBrown, Aug 12 2005

       Although I understand--but don't necessarily sympathize with--all of the points of view expressed here, I disagree about what you think her intent was. She thought it a silly idea and said so in her characteristically blunt manner.
bristolz, Aug 12 2005

       Fair enough [bris]. I'm of a contrary opinion but I don't want to pursue an argument on this of all threads. I think I'm altogether too prickly at times anyway. I should go get some sleep since I'm s'posed to be best man at a wedding tomorrow. Goodnight halfbakers all!
DocBrown, Aug 12 2005

       I come back from holiday and find THIS? Good bye [FJ], [UB] and [waugs], I will miss having you around - even you [waugs] ;-) . I hope and fully expect that young blood will step up to the challenge and keep the 'bakery vibrant and alive.
wagster, Aug 17 2005

       [bris] is right. If you've paid any attention to her annotations at all, you know that jutta calls a spade a spade when she sees one. That's what she did here.   

       IMHO, [FJ] and others have totally overreacted to this. No offense intended (but pun intended), I agree with jutta that this is a crap idea. You've all blown this out of proportion simply because it happened close in time to the UnaBubba incident.
krelnik, Aug 17 2005

       [krelnik] I disagree - I didn't read that as simply a spade-calling, the bit in quotes verged on fan-envy </tic>.
coprocephalous, Aug 17 2005

       A piece of pizza burned the roof of my mouth this afternoon.   

       I shall never eat pizza again!
daseva, Aug 17 2005

       <cliché>Once a baker,
always a baker.</cliché>

       Despite (or perhaps, because of)that, I really don't understand what's happened here. Can we all forget the melodrama for a moment, and get everyone back to baking?   

       You too [FarmerJohn], it's not too late to brush this off as a harmless spat between sparring comrades and get back to doing what you, and many others enjoy so much.   

       Genius, crap, bollocks, or just plain old shit - it's still the bakery, and I happen to like it like that, warts and all.   

       So please don't be so hasty. Say you'll think about the potential of a reconsideration? And that goes double for anyone else who should be thinking about coming back.
zen_tom, Aug 17 2005

       So this is why this idea was always on the recent list. My my. /imagined band of fans?/ - no imagination needed! I'm one! Croissant!   

       Jutta grumpy? - what else is new? God is grumpy a lot too, but I am still very fond of this whole creation hobby of His.
bungston, Aug 17 2005

       [bungston] "...creation hobby of His" ... better make that gender-neutral if you're trying to pacify jutta!
sophocles, Aug 17 2005

       Maybe the Soup Nazi is a better analogy. People line up for the soup. Yeah, yeah, yeah - but the soup! Its about the soup, people!
bungston, Aug 18 2005

       I was continually switching my vote on this idea, attempting to make the total score as even as possible. Then I realised that this unfortunate idea will serve as [FarmerJohn]'s epitaph. For that reason alone, I give it a [+].
hidden truths, Aug 18 2005

I'm still tryin to work out how I missed this for THREE WHOLE WEEKS.
What [Basepair], [d_s] and [dent] said, pretty much all the way through. The whole place already seems very different to me - guess I need a bit of time away now, too!
moomintroll, Aug 18 2005

       It has been my experience that time away never helps. There are the good days and the bad ones. We all have them. But if you are away for a while you may miss a good day. One that may put all of this behind us...instead of just putting it in the past. "Healing can only come from confrontation." So in my opinion the best thing for everyone to do is to go on 1/2baking, which is why so many different people have been brought together like this in the first place, and let the good days wash away the bad ones. So, happy halfbaking to you all. :)
babyhawk, Aug 18 2005

       Okay, I'm back now. Man, it's always good to get away for a bit, don't you think? ;)
moomintroll, Aug 19 2005

       I have heard the other perspective, and have decided, in the traditional manner of the bakery, to have no real opinion whatsoever, but to publically thank the bakesperson for her kind words.   

       I can ony hope that she offered that imfamous farmer a few as well.
blissmiss, Aug 20 2005

       //"Healing can only come from confrontation." \\   

       Wise words, [babyhawk].
zeno, Aug 23 2005

       Looks like Unabubbas account is really gone this time. My goodness that leaves some holes.
bungston, Dec 28 2009

       Blame his enemies.. And his friends.. Then find the person who took the rune, and slap his face twice. Later, when everyone realizes the transience of hatred, we can continue to berate the rune-stealer in good fun and some good ideas may come of it.
daseva, Dec 28 2009

       Holy shit. Has this sort of thing ever happened here before?   

       I really expected more from this community.
MikeD, Dec 29 2009

       Wait, this is old.   

       Where is a tubleweed dispenser when you need one?
MikeD, Dec 29 2009

       What's a tubleweed? Does one smoke it, or toss it?
blissmiss, Dec 29 2009

       Both ... if you do it in the right order.
MikeD, Dec 29 2009


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