Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Hopping Chopping Block

strutting board for the cutting bored
 
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Gone are the days of menial whacking and hacking meat and vegetables, of hashing and hewing fruit, nuts and bread crumbs. The hovering chopper is here to take the work out of shearing, sundering and dissevering. With one hand on the food and the other or both holding the knife steady, the traversing, bouncing board does the rest.

To use, press down on the suction cup lever anchoring the block to the counter or table. Use voice commands to initiate slice thickness, height, direction, speed and “slice” or “dice”, or just say “default”, an adjustable setting which could mean Œ” slices, from 2” above the board, moving the board left to right, 2 slices per second and the “slice” setting. “Dice” means the board will return after one traverse, rotate 90 degrees and start a second pass through.

When you’re prepared with the knife, the command “Hopping Chopping Block start!” in a loud, clear voice will cause the amazing appliance to auto-cleave, cube and mince to your heart’s content.

FarmerJohn, Feb 12 2004

[link]






       C.A.R.K! (By the way, does anyone see my thumb anywhere?)
jurist, Feb 12 2004
  

       Ha !
skinflaps, Feb 12 2004
  

       There are uncountably many ways in which this could go horribly wrong. I like it.
FishFinger, Feb 12 2004
  

       Ooh, the carnage! +
DrBob, Feb 12 2004
  

       This has killing potential rivaling automatic seatbelts!
Letsbuildafort, Feb 12 2004
  

       Caution:- Avoid using recipes and/or ingredients that use names of body parts. Ingrdients and Recipes that should not be referred to whilst using the Hopping Chopping Block include (but are not limited to):- Head Cheese, Fish Finger, Spotted Dick, Mince Meat, Meat Balls .....
paddler, Feb 12 2004
  

       I see [FarmerJohn] won the bid for Disney. It's gonna be a whole new small world after all... +
k_sra, Feb 12 2004
  

       No picture?
yabba do yabba dabba, Feb 12 2004
  

       It's hard to draw with three fingers.
FarmerJohn, Feb 12 2004
  

       I find it hard with six.
skinflaps, Feb 12 2004
  

       Pogo Chopper!
hippo, Feb 12 2004
  
      
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