Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Horror Bible

grind bodies and pour boiling tar over them
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The antithesis of the idea to "Translate the Bible for Laughs", "Horror Bible" adds graphic detail to all of the existing violence and terror already present in the Bible. These would take the form of little supplements that relate lurid tales of flesh eating plagues and other numerous dastardly incidents that are otherwise glossed over in the existing publication.

I mean when that stone hits the giant's head, there was bound to be a resounding noise - what was it like? Those Bible folk were relentless with their wars, plagues of locusts, floods, burnings, stonings, skewerings, eye plucking, floggings etc etc, and that's before we get to the descriptions of hell!!! Don't forget that the God of the Old Testament was only pacified when goats were sacrificed by having their throats cut..... details - we need details. (not forgetting the potential for a "50 Shades of Ye Olde Testament" extra.... focusing on the lurid sexy parts )

xenzag, Jan 27 2017

Bricktestament.com http://www.thebrick...lague/ex12_29a.html
In case someone into this sort of thing has missed this. Excellent! [bungston, Apr 12 2017]

[link]






       I think this would work well as a movie, perhaps in the style of the Saw series. Or maybe Quentin T. would be up for it - I'll ask if he's busy.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 27 2017
  

       I like the idea but I believe the category choice merits further attention - this sounds more like entertainment than religion.   

       Of course, it can be difficult to see where that line is drawn.
normzone, Jan 27 2017
  

       How about alternating horror and comedy?
nineteenthly, Jan 27 2017
  

       // How about alternating horror and comedy? //   

       Oh, you mean like the Trump administration?
Canuck, Jan 27 2017
  

       Strictly speaking, I don't think there are any descriptions of hell in the bible. Various metaphors of rejection, exclusion and municipal waste disposal, yes, but nothing claiming to be an actual description of hell.
pertinax, Jan 27 2017
  

       Thwock!   

       Ah, smiting ! Smiting is good...
8th of 7, Jan 28 2017
  

       I like it. I can see Noah nailing people to the ark, John the Baptist drowning everyone
DDRopDeadly, Apr 12 2017
  

       It's so important to be able to laugh at yourself. Especially if laughing at others can lead to getting your head cut off
theircompetitor, Apr 12 2017
  

       Kids these days … just want their entertainment handed to them on a plate …
8th of 7, Apr 12 2017
  

       Elijah would be all kinds of fun.   

       Maybe we could have Jeremiah as a tragic loner/hero?
RayfordSteele, Apr 12 2017
  

       I have been impressed that the action packed parts of the bible are much more terse than we are used to. I suspect that the text itself was used as a framework and the reader then elaborated.   

       In fact my recollection of chapel includes such elaborations & a story about hooks used on humans which made a big impression on the 7 year old protobungston.
bungston, Apr 12 2017
  

       You shall become fishers of men - is that the hook bit ?
DDRopDeadly, Apr 12 2017
  

       Jesus survives the crucifixion and gets revenge? He's still nailed to the cross but he gets around ok after his feet get free. Then he drags the cross behind him which becomes a long wooden tail to bludgeon the bad guys with
DDRopDeadly, Apr 12 2017
  

       /bludgeon/ I think as a concept film that works very well. He could also throw the crown like Jana of the jungle.
bungston, Apr 12 2017
  

       There's an awful lot of Begetting in the Old Testament, too ... including Lot and his daughters. That could be worked into the screenplay too ... but only if it was done in good taste, and absolutely essential to the plot.
8th of 7, Apr 12 2017
  

       "And peter, who is called my rock, I build my church on you" Peter steps forward so pleased, thinking it's just a figure of speech until Jesus gets his spade out
DDRopDeadly, Apr 13 2017
  

       Oh yes, the ol' "Jimmy Hoffa" trick ...
8th of 7, Apr 13 2017
  
      
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