Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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How to get Funds for Dubious Purposes via online auction/shopping websites

 
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While finishing off my idea for hedgehog grenades backed up with pangolin claymores for the human wave attacks I realised that some tawdry online game site had come up with "hedgehog grenades". Tch! So, is this prior art or not?

Anyway, it was a devil to stop the pangolins wandering off, had the RSPCA in three times in the same week, I can tell you.

Enough of the digressonoids. So, I give you the "How to get Funds for Dubious Purposes".

Imagine you are planning to buy drugs/guns/hamster porn, whatever to make a healthy profit ie 100% or more, the problem is, you have no money.

So, what you do is put your ad on one of the online sales/auctions etc. The item should be less than or $50-ish , maybe an exercise machine, blender, bluetooth speakers etc. Make sure your location is down as Inner Mongolia or summat far away.

This gives you at least five weeks to accomplish at least one, or possibly all, of the tasks in paragraph 4. Then you send messages to all the customers saying the suppliers let you down, but here's your $49.99 back + $10 for the inconvenience. Game over.

not_morrison_rm, Nov 22 2017

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       Ah yes; ze eauld "settlement cycle arbitrage" ploy! </clouseau>
pertinax, Nov 22 2017
  

       Already invented by rich people & con-persons & rich con-persons & also imprisoned con-persons who may or may not be rich & also by the writers of Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels, as pertinax points out.
DrBob, Nov 24 2017
  

       But what if you wanted the funds for non-dubious purposes?
hippo, Nov 24 2017
  

       Then you are honest, and by logical inference, entirely fictional.
8th of 7, Nov 25 2017
  
      
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