Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Ikeado

aikido meets ikea
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Ikea + uncooperative self assembly furniture + aikido = Ikeado

This a system of movements requiring minimal effort on the part of the participants, where they learn how to fling around half assembled items of Ikea furniture until they have reduced them to dismembered fragments. A suitable Viennese waltz provides background music.

Once a week sessions, with an audience bringing a range of items to be demolished by demonstration experts, are offered.

xenzag, Jul 31 2013

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       Sorry for your loss. Despair can be the start of many good inventions.   

       So simple only a child can do it. Next time rent a child - Swedish if you can.
popbottle, Aug 01 2013
  

       Actually I find Ikea assembly a very enjoyable and zen like activity, but for some it provokes rage and destruction. The idea is to harness that rage and channel it into a system of calmly orchestrated movements of almost effortless precision. Watch some aikido and see how perfect it is. Now imagine it with furniture.
xenzag, Aug 01 2013
  

       I can be very calm, and when I was a juvenile, I was the leader of the flat's pack. Many of my gang friends went with the dark side, but I preferred the grey.
xenzag, Aug 01 2013
  

       Flat pack (although I initially typed 'flay pack' so perhaps my subconscious disagrees) assembly is fun!
not_morrison_rm, Aug 01 2013
  

       Maybe destroying flatpacks will help me regain my six-pack.
RayfordSteele, Aug 01 2013
  

       The idea of a Swedish martial art has numerous possibilities.   

       One form might involve distracting the opponent by means of a startlingly attractive talll slim blonde (gender selected opposite to opponent) allowing an opportunity to sneak up behind them and strike them with a reindeer.   

       Another form might involve stand-up comedy, causing the opponent to slash their own wrists in despair.   

       A further variation could be to coax the opponent into a location which freezing cold and pitch dark for 23 hours a day, then feeding them a diet of pickled fish and Akavit until they enter a catatonic state*   

       *NB this would not work on Norwegians or Finns; Norewgians because this is Standard Operating Procedure, and Finns because this treatment does not impact on the lower spinal ganglia that provide the bulk of their cognitive function (if any).
8th of 7, Aug 01 2013
  

       You forgot to mention Hákarl.
not_morrison_rm, Aug 03 2013
  

       Would it be permitted to incorporate elements of (say) Llap-Goch, or Ecky-Thump ?
8th of 7, Aug 03 2013
  

       You are correct; regrettably, it is only effective on life-forms* that have developed matter-transmission ("Transporter") technology.   

       * and who use the slang term "cap" in the context of taking out an adversary to imply "to decouple their transporter pattern signature signal to ground using a low-ESR capacitor".
8th of 7, Aug 04 2013
  

       Really? A pun? Jesus.
nomocrow, Aug 06 2013
  

       Not pun, more paronomasia.
xenzag, Aug 06 2013
  

       Perhaps the cafe in Ikea could start selling flatpack flapjacks ?
8th of 7, Aug 07 2013
  
      
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