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Imperial Thongs

 Method of measuring floors
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Imperial Thongs were designed to bring accuracy to the process of pacing out a measurement on the ground. They have been designed to be exactly twelve inches in length, because I know nothing of, nor care less, about anything metric.

To measure a floor, you simply slip into your thongs, zero the pacer counter at the front, and begin walking, placing your steps heel to toe. As the little analogue counter clicks up a foot measure each time you step down, there is no need to worry about losing count. The thongs are also hinged across the centre for ease of movement.

At the end of your journey you simply read off the number of steps taken, and add on any extra inches required to make an exact measurement by sliding one thong alongside the other and reading the difference.

Check illustration on link for greater clarity (only one shown - too lazy to draw the other one)

—xenzag, Jun 15 2006

Imperial Thongs http://web.mac.com/...erial%20thongs.html
Imperial Thongs [xenzag, Jun 15 2006]

[link]






       I am unlucky enough to have feet measuring exactly a foot long apiece (They trip me up, cost a lot to shoe, make it a lot harder to try out new sports (eg snowboarding) and are generally rather annoying) - although for measurment purposes they are quite handy.
I'm afraid these wouldn't fit me - but it doesn't matter anyway.
—fridge duck, Jun 15 2006
   

       I have small feet - barely eight inches, so they're perfect for me - you'll have to settle for metric thongs (which just don't sound as good, do they?) to get the essential counting gauge.
—xenzag, Jun 15 2006
   

       I was also thinking thong a la g-string, which seemed like a clever mechanism for measuring how many times you crossed your legs over each other. Simply measure your feet and multiply, and you're set.   

       Also: what happens if your feet are longer than a foot? Uncommon, but not impossible.
—Turbofrog, Jun 15 2006
   

       //what happens if your feet are longer than a foot?// - you go metric like Fridge Duck....try to keep up ! [Turbofrog]
—xenzag, Jun 15 2006
   

       [Turbofrog], so some kind of a combination of ankle shackles as a step length limiter, a thong, and a pedometer? A thongometer?
—normzone, Jun 15 2006
   

       Aren't men's size 11 shoes exactly twelve inches long? I know my size 12s are all thirteen inches.
—Galbinus_Caeli, Jun 16 2006
   

       [GB]see above - you get to join Fridge Duck and go metric as you can't wear an Imperial Thong like I can. Not all men have big feet and not all shoes are made for men.... sexist assumption on your part.
—xenzag, Jun 16 2006
   

       I would be very entertained to see my wife wearing shoes with soles as big as men's elevens. She wears eights. Or even better, my adult daughter, who wears size five.   

       My point was just that you have reinvented the men's size eleven flip-flop.
—Galbinus_Caeli, Jun 16 2006
   

       The Emperor has no clothes! Oh wait.. I guess he does have something on.
—bungston, Jun 18 2006
   

       And he had to spread his toes, to wear them.
—UnaBubba, Jun 18 2006
   

       A toe spread is always required when donning a thong.
—Galbinus_Caeli, Jun 19 2006
   
      
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